The Marauders read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's
by Scrappy McGee
Summary: Just before the Marauder's 6th year, and they come across a set of strange books from about a Harry Potter. The first of the series.
1. Chapter 1

The soft ring of a small bell echoed in the silence as the great wooden of the cheerfully lit bookstore opened. Selves hugged the walls and bookcases were arranged in rows, displaying various sized books; all in perfect alphabetical order, all neatly stacked one against the other, all in mint condition. Tables had been set up in the middle of the room, and in the back was a clearing where little kids could quietly play. To Remus Lupin, it was one of the most calming places in the world.

"And just why are we in a bookstore, Moony! Don't you read enough?"

"Well," he thought "it would be calming, if all your friends actually wanted to be there."

Remus turned to his friends, all who looked out of place in the store. There was Sirius Black, looking rather impatient, James Potter, grinning like a fool, and Peter Pettigrew, who looked as confused as always. Of course, it's needless to say that any of them actually read for the fun of it.

Shaking his head, Remus sighed. "Mum left me money to get something for my birthday." Remus explained for the umpteenth time. "I'm sixteen, you know."

"But why would you want a book for your birthday? A book! Why not something from Zonko's? We're running out of stock, we need those things before school starts, you know."

"Correction, you need that stuff, not me. Why don't you go shopping there for your birthday, I'm sure you'll love it." Remus walked over to the Historical Fiction section. "You guys can look for stuff, you know."

James and Peter had already started doing so, James at the Fantasy section and Peter looking at a stand with comic books. After a few moments of glaring, Sirius wandered behind a bookcase, blocking him from view. Meanwhile, Remus was checking out books on sale.

"Let's see, that's about the French Revolution, no thanks, the Renaissance life? No thanks. The rise and fall of Julius Caesar, sounds like something Professor Binns would give us. The Merlin Legend, as if we don't hear enough about him…what's this? Egypt! That's cool. What else…"

Suddenly, there was a loud thud. "OW! What the… oi! Would you look at this!" A moment later Sirius walked in to view rubbing his head, in his arm was seven books. James gave Sirius an odd look when he placed them down on the closest table. Remus started making his way towards them, as Peter, with one last look of longing at the brightly colored comics, shuffled over.

"Padfoot," began James, "just what are we looking at?"

"I saw some books on top of the shelf, and they all fell on my head. But look what they say! Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Prongs, they are all about this Potter kid."

James sighed. "Pads, I know what your thinking, and I'm sorry to tell you this, but Potter is quite a common muggle name."

"Yeah? Name one."

"I think there was a kid writer named Beatrix Potter, she wrote a story about a rabbit or something." added Remus.

"And besides, I don't have a Harry in the family. Not yet, anyway. But when Evans and I get married…" Sirius rolled his eyes in impatient, and Peter sat down to watch some the show.

"Prongs, the day that you and Lilly Evans gets married is the day when…what's the saying…motorcycles fly!"

"It's when pigs fly, but close." Remus said as he opened the closest book, entitled Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, letting his two closest friends bicker. For an odd reason, Remus always liked to see who the book was dedicated to. _**For Jessica, who loves stories, for Anne, who loved them too, and for Di, who heard this one first. Text copyright c. 1997 by J.K. Rowling**_…..wait a second. "Guys, what's the date?"

James and Sirius gave Remus an odd look, while Peter gave a small start. "Er, isn't June 29th? Yeah, June 29, 1976. Why?

"I'll tell you why!" Slamming the book down, he pointed at the copyright date. "This book has been written in 1997, in the future! And I bet the other ones are too! Look, this one is 1999! And this one, this says 2003! And this one…what?" looking up, Remus saw all his friends giving him weird looks.

"Well," Peter said slowly, "if these books were made in the future, why are they here?"

"By magic, obviously. Peter, sometimes I wonder about you. You are a wizard, right?"

"Shhh, Padfoot, not so loud." James looked over at the muggle shopkeeper, then whispered "do you think we can buy these? If they are from the future, then how much do they cost?"

"We'll find out." and with that, Remus led the group to the counter, James looking thoughtful, Peter puzzled, and Sirius with a serious frown on his face. "Excuse me Ma'am, but just how much would these be?"

The clerk gave a quick glance at the pile of books, and then at a piece of paper on the desk. "'Tis not on the chart, so that would be about twenty pounds, I think." she said.

"Oh, hold on." Taking a worn hand-me-down wallet from his pocket, Remus gave the clerk out the right about of muggle money. "There you go."

Sirius then elbowed his way to the front. "So, miss, have you've been working here long." he said with a charming smile that made the young girl blush. "Because I'll be coming back here later, and I was wondering if I would see your pretty face too."

The rest of the marauders gave a groan and half walked half dragged Sirius across the room and out the door. "Well, I guess this is goodbye, my beautiful flower. Until next time." he yelled as the door swung close.

"Sirius, that's my line, that's what I call my fair Lilly flower."

"Ah, yes, your precious Lilly. How can I forget?" Sirius said in mock scorn.

James ignored him. "You can't use it for any girl you see! In fact, you can't use it for any girl you see!"

"Can we just go back home, guys? I swear, your giving me a headache!" the group then set out over to Remus's house, James and Sirius play fighting, Peter hanging on to every word that they said, and Remus, who's thoughts circled around the strange, mysterious books from the future.

A/N Just so you know, this is my first fanfic, so I know it's going to be rough, so anything would be much appreciated

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, I am just here for the fun of it.


	2. The Boy Who Lived

The Boy Who Lived

The Lupins dwelled in an out-of-the-way house away from the main road, between the local woods and a nearby sheep field. It was a good thirty minute drive from the city, which meant there rarely were witnesses during Remus's 'time of the month'. True, there were the few during the winter break the year before last who heard a distant howl late one night, but being Muggles, they thought that it was only the wind in the trees.

Remus liked where he lived. The small white picket fence in the front, mother's garden overflowing with dittany, nettles, and myrtle, the huge chestnut tree in the back where Remus would usually read in the shade radiated a welcome home feeling to him.

Remus never liked bringing his friends over, however. The Lupins were a poor family, and had always been even before Remus's bite. Mr. Lupin worked a small desk job at the ministry, while Mrs. Lupin, a muggle, juggled two jobs, waitress and teaching at the local high school. Even though they did make money, most was spent on taxes, food, and most recently school supplies. Remus didn't mind the simple décor, but sometimes he wondered what James or Sirius would think, especially since both were from rich pure blood families.

Today, however, seemed to be one of those relaxing days. Mrs. Lupin didn't have to teach today (since it was the summer), and she also somehow managed to get Tuesdays off from her other job. As Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs walked the dusty path up the front door, they could hear Mrs. Lupin humming about as she was cleaning the dishes.

"Mum! We're home." Remus said as soon as he opened the door. Immediately Sirius rushed passed him and into the kitchen while the others followed suit.

"Mrs. Lupin! How very pleasant to see you on this fine afternoon." Sirius's eyes roamed onto the table where a plate of cookies was cooling off. "And look how busy you've been, baking cookies and the like! I'm sure you wouldn't mind if I had one? They are just too good to waste."

Mrs. Lupin laughed "Of course, of course, help yourself. I swear, Sirius Black, you have the nose of a dog! I set those only a minute ago." Everyone grabbed a chair and munched in silence. Remus knew that all his friends loved to eat over at his house, and though they usually never had anything fancy to eat, Mrs. Lupin tried to make sure that there was enough on everyone's plate. As the pile of sweets slowly diminished, Mrs. Lupin started cleaning up again. "So, dear, what did you buy at the store?"

Remus paused. He didn't think it was wise to say that he got a book that was published about twenty years ago. A quick glance told him that the others, (except for Wormtail, who was still eating), thought so too. Looking up, he said "Oh, just a couple of muggle stories, nothing new."

"Oh, that's nice dear." Mrs. Lupin then continued with cleaning up the house.

"Well, will you look at the time? Mrs. Lupin, if you'll excuse us, Remus, James, Peter and I have some unfinished business to attend to. "

"All mature, well-to-do business, of course. Nothing to do with mischief what-so-ever."

"Well, not planned mischief anyway." James added.

"Like making the Hogwarts chickens lay Easter eggs."

"Or inventing a hex-a-Slytherin day."

"Or making Snivellus tap dance…"

"In front of the whole school."

Mrs. Lupin frowned. "Snivellus? What's a Snivellus?

"Sirius, James, Peter, are you coming?" By this time Remus was already forcing Sirius and James out of the kitchen and up to his room. "We'll just be upstairs."

"Oh, have a good time. And I hope, Mr. Black that you've told your parents that you're staying over. Last time was quite…unpleasant."

"No, mum knows. Sorry about that. Won't happen again, I promise." Sirius said, walking up the stairs to Remus's room.

The three ran ahead of Remus, through the main hall and up the stairs to their best friend's room. When Remus finally caught up with them, they were already making themselves at home. Peter had gathering random crayons and pieces of paper and already busied himself with drawing stick figures of who knew what. Sirius was flipping through The Marauder's Manual, a book filled with the boys' scribbling of planned jokes and the famous Conduct for Chaos. James meanwhile was looking through Remus's new books from the store. "I wonder, should we read this now, or later."

"Oh, yes, now. Remus, can you read it?" Peter asked.

"Why me?"

"Because you're the book person." Peter replied. Remus looked skeptical.

"Don't you mean scholar?" he asked.

"No, he meant that you bought the books. So you should read your books. Don't you see, Moony." James said.

Rumus sighed. "Alright." looking at the pile of books, he picked up the smallest and read the title out loud. _"Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling. Chapter one, The Boy Who Lived. _

_Mr. and Mrs. Dursley,"_

"Hey! Isn't this book about Harry Potter? What the heck are these people doing here?"

Remus glanced at James. "It's a story book, Prongs, and there are probably other people in this story other than this Harry kid. Anyway

_"Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense."_

"They were also the first people you'd expect to be muggles, because they sound quite boring already." Sirius said, with Peter nodding behind him.

"Any chance that you want me to finish the story?" Immediately the other three nodded their heads. "Then let's try to be quiet while I read."

_Mr. Dursley was the director of a firm called Grunnings,"_

"What kind of a name is that?"

_"...which made drills_. "Muggle things, Padfoot." Remus answered before Sirius eve opened his mouth.  
_He was a big, beefy man..."_

"Wait! Does that mean he was made of beef or what." asked Sirius.

"What do you think? '_...big, beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large moustache_."

"Ew, mustaches are ugly!"

"Sirius," everyone yelled, "shut up!" Sirius looked at his three friends, and crossing his arms started to sulk. Remus wondered how long that would last as he continued to read.

_Mrs. Dursley was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck, which came in very useful as she spent so much time craning over garden fences, spying on the neighbors. The Dursleys had a small son called Dudley"_

"Who would call their son Dudley?" Peter wondered out loud.

"Shut up, Peter." came Sirius's acid reply.

"Guys," James said "let's try not fight. It's too early. As you were, Moony."

_…and in their opinion there was no finer boy anywhere.  
The Dursleys had everything they wanted, but they also had a secret, and their greatest fear was that someone would discover it.  
They didn't think they could bear it if anyone found out about the Potters."_

"Hey? What's wrong with us Potters? We are so much cooler than you dumb Dursleys!" James yelled at the book.

"Um, Prongs, it's just a book, you know that, right?"

"Oh," James looked around, embarrassed. "Right, yeah, I knew that."

"O.K. anyway…

_Mrs. Potter was Mrs. Dursley's sister, but they hadn't met for several years; in fact, Mrs. Dursley pretended that she didn't have a sister, because her sister and her good-for-nothing husband were as unDursley like as it was possible to be.'_

Don't start, Prongs."

"Wouldn't dream of it. But if I did, I would say that these Dursleys were in desperate need of some Marauder mayhem."

"Amen to that."

"Pads, shut up.

'_The Dursleys shuddered to think what the neighbors would say if the Potters arrived in the street. The Dursleys knew that the Potters had a small son, too, but they had never seen him. This boy was another good reason for keeping the Potters away; they didn't want Dudley mixing with a child like that."_

"A child like what?" James asked.

"Yeah Remus, like what?" Sirius said.

"Well, how am I to know? Let me read and find out.

_'When Mr. and Mrs. Dursley woke up on the dull, gray Tuesday our story starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happening all over the country."_

"I wonder where the Dursleys live." Peter wondered.

"Isn't it obvious? On Mars, they're Martians."

Peter looked at Sirius with wide, awe filled eyes. "Really?"

_Mr. Dursley hummed as he picked out his most boring tie for work, and Mrs. Dursley gossiped away happily as she wrestled a screaming Dudley into his high chair.  
None of them noticed a large, tawny owl flutter past the window."  
_  
"But I did, and I am not even there! Beat that Dursley!"

"Ok, seriously, shut up. '_At half past eight, Mr. Dursley picked up his briefcase, pecked Mrs. Dursley on the cheek, and tried to kiss Dudley good-bye but missed, because Dudley was now having a tantrum and throwing his cereal at the walls. "Little tyke," chortled Mr. Dursley_ ("more like little brat." James grumbled, but Remus didn't hear)_ as he left the house. He got into his car and backed out of number four's drive._  
'_It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of something peculiar-"_

"Wow, it took him that long to find something peculiar? If he looked in the mirror, maybe then he would see something strange."

"Pads! Shut it!" Remus sternly looked over the book. "At this rate we'll never finish!

'_It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of something peculiar- a cat reading a map. For a second, Mr. Dursley didn't realize what he had seen- then he jerked his head around to look again. There was a tabby cat standing on the corner of privet drive, but there wasn't a map in sight. What could he have been thinking of?"  
_

"You know Moony, I really don't know."  
"Wormtail, I wasn't asking you, it's in the book."  
"Oh. Never mind."

_"It must have been a trick of the light. As Mr. Dursley drove around the corner and up the road, he watched the cat in his mirror. It was now reading the sign that said Privet Drive-- no,_ looking _at the sign; cats couldn't read maps or signs."_

"Unless it was an animagi." James said in a low voice.  
"Well, let's think, who is an animagi that can turn into a cat?" Sirius joked. "Any takers? Wormtail, what about you?"  
"Oh, isn't…ok, it's someone we know….right?"  
Sirius shook his head. "Wow Wormtail, you're dumber than I thought."

_Mr. Dursley gave himself a little shake and put the cat out of his mind. As he drove towards town, he thought of nothing except a large order of drills he was hoping to get that day.  
But on the edge of town, drills were driven out of his mind by something else. As he sat in the usual morning traffic jam, he couldn't help noticing that there seemed to be a lot of strangely dressed people about. People in cloaks. Mr. Dursley couldn't bear people who dressed in funny clothes - the get-ups you saw on young people!  
He supposed this was some stupid new fashion. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and his eyes fell on a huddle of these weirdoes standing quite close by. They were whispering excitedly together. Mr. Dursley was enraged to see that a couple of them weren't young at all; why, that man had to be older than he was, and wearing an emerald green cloak! The nerve of him! But then it struck Mr. Dursley that this was probably some silly stunt - these people were_ _obviously collecting for something ... yes, that would be it. The traffic moved on, and a few minutes later, Mr. Dursley arrived in the Grunnings car park, his mind back on drills.  
Mr. Dursley always sat with his back to the window in his office on the ninth floor. If he hadn't, he might have found it harder to concentrate on drills that morning. He didn't see the owls swooping past in broad daylight, though the people down in the street did; they pointed and gazed open-mouthed as owl after owl sped overhead. Most of them had never seen an owl even at night time. Mr. Dursley, however, had a perfectly normal, owl-free morning. He yelled a five different people. He made several important telephone calls and shouted a bit more. He was in a very good mood_

"Stupid, nasty yelling man." Peter mumbled.

_"Until lunch-time, when he thought he'd stretch his legs and walk across the road to buy himself a bun from the baker's opposite. __He'd forgotten all about the people in cloaks until he passed a group of them next to the baker's. He eyed them angrily as he passed. He didn't know why, but they made him uneasy._

"Oh, don't worry, Dursley." Sirius sarcastically said. "I'm sure they're just thinking of the five-hundred and sixty two ways to turn you into a slimy sticky toad. Nothing to be all 'uneasy' about."

_This lot was whispering excitedly, too, and he couldn't see a single collecting tin. It was on his way back past them,_ _clutching a large doughnut in a bag, that he caught a few words of what they were saying._

_"The Potters, that's right, that's what I heard -"  
"- yes, their son, Harry -"  
Mr. Dursley stopped dead._

"He died?!" Sirius asked. "Wow, Merlin's beard, what are you all doing sitting there? We should be celebrating! Come on!" Jumping to his feet, he then started to dance all around the room. "Sirius Lee Black, if you don't sit down now, I will just read this to me, myself, and I later, and you won't find out what happened."  
"And why do I want to find out what happened? This is so boring anyway."  
"Because if your in it, and if you turned into, I don't know, a convict in Azkaban, you'll never know, now would you."  
Sirius immediately plopped down, crossing his arms and legs into a bizarre pretzel fashion. "Continue."

_"Fear flooded him. He looked back at the whisperers as if he wanted to say something to them, but thought better of it.  
He dashed back across the road, hurried up to his office, snapped at his secretary not to disturb him, seized his telephone and had almost finished dialing his home number when he changed his mind. He put the receiver back down and stroked his moustache, thinking...No, he was being stupid. Potter wasn't such an unusual name. He was sure there were lots of people called Potter who had a son called Harry. Come to think of it, he wasn't even sure his nephew was called Harry. He'd never even seen the boy. It might have been Harvey. Or Harold. There was no point in worrying Mrs. Dursley; she always got so upset at any mention of her sister. He didn't blame her - if he'd had a sister like that... but all the same, those people in cloaks...  
He found it a lot harder to concentrate on drills that afternoon, and when he left the building at five o'clock, he was still so worried that he walked straight into someone just outside the door._

"_Sorry," he grunted, as the tiny old man stumbled and almost fell. It was a few seconds before Mr. Dursley realized that the man was wearing a violet cloak. He didn't seem at all upset at being almost knocked to the ground. On the contrary, his face split into a wide smile and he said in a squeaky voice-that made passers-by stare:_'  
Remus then started to speak in the highest voice a boy is age could make. "_'Don't be sorry my dear sir, for nothing could upset me today!' "_

"Aah, no, my ears hurt now!" James said, rolling along the ground with his hands on his head.  
"Really, Moony, what was that about?" Sirius asked the most pained expression on his face.  
"Guys, the man's talking in a SQUICKY voice, so I am talking in a SQUICKY voice. See the connection?" Remus looked hopefully at his friends.  
"No!" they all yelled back. "Really, Moony, why the squeaky? Why why, why?" Peter asked  
"Oh, the pain! Oh, the humanity! Oh, the torture! Moony, how could you? And here I was, considering you my best friend."  
"Hey!"  
"Sorry, Prongs, I meant second best friend."  
"Hey!"  
"Wormtail! I can't make EVERYONE my second best friend! Be happy, your third, I think."  
"Oh, well, that's better."  
Remus, who was reading ahead, suddenly looked up. "Guys, you might want to hear this." As they started to quiet down, Remus continued in a rushed, non-squicky voice: _'Rejoice, for You-Know-Who has gone at last! Even Muggles like your self should be celebrating this happy, happy day!"_

_  
_Stunned silence filled the room, and then.

"Happy, happy, joy joy, happy happy joy joy! Voldy is gone gone dead!" Peter was, surprisingly the first to break the silence. Unfortunately, he couldn't sing in tune if his life depended on it, and especially now that his life didn't. "Happy happy joy joy! Happy happy joy joy, Voldy, the moldy wart is dead, dead, DEAD!"  
"Oh, Merlin's beard, if my family ever heard this, I think they'll die of shock. Hope Bella's the first to go."  
"Oh, Remus, how does that muggle song go?"  
"What muggle song, Prongs?" Remus said with an uncharacteristic goofy grin.  
"The one with the munchkins…and the red berry shoes."  
"What red berry shoes…wait, what?"  
"Oh! Remembering… "Ding dong the witch is dead, which old witch THE WICKED WITCH! Ding dong the wicked witch is dead!!"  
"Um, James, Voldemort's a wizard."  
"No, really? I wouldn't have guessed."  
Sirius suddenly picked himself up. "I do decree, that because of this great news, the four of us should verily run down and have a royal party. So I, Sirius Lee Padfoot, do say."  
The four marauders ran downstairs, and flew into the kitchen. James, Sirius and Peter have stayed at the Lupins before, and knew generally where Mrs. Lupin kept all the good, sweet food. James and Remus took plates and glasses off the shelves, Sirius brought milk out of the extraordinary muggle device called the refrigerator, and Peter grabbed the cookies out of the cabinet high above their heads. Remus placed a king sized handful of cookies on his plate (they had chocolate chips in them, and he could never say no to chocolate), he opened the book and continued.

_"And the old man hugged Mr. Dursley around the middle and walked off.  
Mr. Dursley stood rooted to the spot. He had been hugged by a complete stranger. He also thought he had been called a Muggle, whatever that was."_ James laughed at this, and then choked on the milk that he was drinking.

_"He was rattled. He hurried to his car and set off home, hoping he was imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he didn't approve of imagination.'_ Mostly because he didn't have one."

"Hey, Moony, that's not part of the story!" Peter whined.

"Well, it should. '_As he pulled into the driveway at number four, the first thing he saw - and it didn't improve his mood - was the tabby cat he'd spotted that morning. It was now sitting on his garden wall. He was sure it was the same one; it had the same markings around its eyes."_

_"Shoo!" said Mr. Dursley loudly._

_  
_"Oh, like that is going to do any good." Sirius whispered to James.

_The cat didn't move. It just gave him a stern look._  
"Ha! Told you."

_Was this normal cat behavior, Mr. Dursley wondered? Trying to pull himself together, he let himself into the house. He was still determined not to mention anything to his wife._

_Mrs. Dursley had had a nice, normal day. She told him over dinner all about Mrs. Next Door's problems with her daughter and how Dudley had learnt a new word (Shan't).Mr. Dursley tried to act normally. When Dudley had been put to bed, he went into the living-room in time to catch the last report on the evening news:_

_"And finally, bird-watchers everywhere have reported that the nation's owls have been behaving very unusually today. Although owls normally hunt at night and are hardly ever seen in daylight,"_

"Except at Hogwarts."

_"…there have been hundreds of sightings of these birds flying in every direction since sunrise. Experts are unable to explain why the owls have suddenly changed their sleeping pattern." The news reader allowed himself a grin. "Most mysterious. And now, over to Jim McGuffin with the weather. Going to be any more showers of owls tonight, Jim?"_

"Oi, look James!" Sirius pointed at the book "You're in the story!"  
"What!"  
"Yeah, look, it's Jimmy Jim James! I knew that name would grow on you."  
"Pads?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Shut up."

_"Well, Ted," said the weatherman, "I don't know about that, but it's not only the owls that have been acting oddly today. Viewers as far apart as Kent, Yorkshire and Dundee have been phoning in to tell me that instead of the rain that I promised yesterday, they've had a downpour of shooting stars! Perhaps people have been celebrating Bonfire Night early"_

_  
_"Brilliant! I love Bonfire Night!" Siad Peter

_"- It's not until next week, folks! But I can promise a wet night tonight."  
Mr. Dursley sat frozen in his armchair. Shooting stars all over the place? And a whisper, a whisper about the Potters...  
"Mrs. Dursley came into the living-room carrying two cups of tea. It was no good. He'd have to say something to her. He cleared his throat nervously. "Er - Petunia, dear - you haven't heard from your sister lately, have you?"  
As he expected, Mrs. Dursley looked shocked and angry. After all, they normally pretended she didn't have a sister.  
"No," she said sharply. "Why?"  
"Funny stuff on the news," Mr. Dursley mumbled. "Owls... shooting stars... and there were a lot of funny-looking people in town today..."  
"So?" snapped Mrs. Dursley.  
"Well, I just thought... maybe ... it was something to do with ... you know ... her crowd."_

_  
_"Hey!" Peter interrupted." Is he thinking? Because I didn't know he could think."  
All three boys started laughing. "Oh, Peter, that was priceless."  
Confused, Peter turned to Sirius. "I don't get it. What was priceless?"

"_Mrs. Dursley sipped her tea through pursed lips. Mr. Dursley wondered whether he dared tell her he'd heard the name 'Potter'._

_He decided he didn't dare. Instead he said, as casually as he could, "Their son - he'd be about Dudley's age now wouldn't he?"  
"I suppose so," said Mrs. Dursley stiffly.  
"What's his name again? Howard isn't it?"  
"Harry. Nasty, common name, if you ask me."_

"Yes, but we didn't, so there!"

_Oh, yes," said Mr. Dursley, his heart sinking horribly. "Yes, I quite agree."  
He didn't say another word on the subject as they went upstairs to bed. While Mrs. Dursley was in the bathroom, Mr. Dursley crept to the bedroom window and peered down into the front garden. The cat was still there. It was staring down Privet Drive as though it was waiting for something.  
Was he imagining things? Could all this have anything to do with the Potters? If it did ... if it got out that they were related to a pair of - well, he didn't think he could bear it._

"A PAIR OF WHAT!!" James yelled. "Remus, what is this book thinking! It can't just leave us hanging like that!! I want to know NOW!"  
"Actually, it can. If it didn't it'll get boring fast. Anyway."

_The Dursleys got into bed. Mrs. Dursley fell asleep quickly but Mr. Dursley lay awake, turning it all over in his mind. His last, comforting thought before he fell asleep was that even if the Potters were involved, there was no reason for them to come near him and Mrs. Dursley. The Potters knew very well what he and Petunia thought about them and their kind …_

And also knew that the Dursleys were boring" mumbled James  
But couldn't turn them into toads because they would be illegalled" Peter concluded.  
"'Illegalled' is not a word."  
"Now it is, Moony!"

_He couldn't see how he and Petunia could get mixed up in anything that might be going on. He yawned and turned over. It couldn't affect them…  
How very wrong he was._

"Bum ba Buuuuum"

_Mr. Dursley might have been drifting into an uneasy sleep, but the cat on the wall outside was showing no sign of sleepiness. It was sitting as still as a statue, its eyes fixed unblinkingly on the far corner of Privet Drive. It didn't so much as quiver when a car door slammed in the next street, nor when the two owls swooped overhead._

"What the heck is with these owls!?" Sirius asked. "I mean, really, what is everyone mailing about?  
"That Voldemort" Peter shivered as Remus continued "is dead, perchance?"  
"Oh, yeah,"

_In fact, it was nearly midnight before the cat moved at all._

_A man appeared on the corner the cat had been watching, appeared so suddenly and silently you'd have thought he'd just popped out of the ground._

_The cat's tail twitched and its eyes narrowed._

_Nothing like this man had been seen in Privet Drive. He was tall, thin and very old, judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which were both long enough to tuck into his belt. He was wearing long robes, a purple cloak which swept the ground and high-heeled, buckled boots. His blue eyes were light, bright and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles and his nose was very long and crooked, as though it had been broken at least twice._

"Five guesses who this one is."

_This man's name was Albus Dumbledore._

"Oh, Albus Dumbl-ee-dore, what is a good TRUE wizard story without Albus Dumbl-ee-dore?"  
Remus looked up sternly at James. "Dumbl-ee-dore?"  
"Dumbl-ee-dore."  
"Wow, James, you just opened up a new level of weirdness for me. Thanks."  
"No problem, Moony old buddy old pal."

_Albus Dumbledore didn't seem to realize that he had just arrived in a street where everything from his name to his boots was unwelcome. He was busy rummaging in his cloak, looking for something. But he did seem to realize he was being watched, because he looked up suddenly at the cat, which was still staring at him from the other end of the street. For some reason, the sight of the cat seemed to amuse him. He chuckled and muttered, "I should have known."_

"Should we?" Peter asked.  
"You mean you haven't guessed?"

_He had found what he was looking for in his inside pocket._

_It seemed to be a silver cigarette lighter. He flicked it open, held it up in the air and clicked it. The nearest street lamp went out with a little pop._

_He clicked it again - the next lamp flickered into darkness. Twelve times he clicked the Put-Outer, until the only lights left in the whole street were two tiny pinpricks in the distance, which were the eyes of the cat watching him. If anyone looked out of their window now, even the beady-eyed Mrs. Dursley, they wouldn't be able to see anything that was happening down on the pavement. Dumbledore slipped the Put-Outer back inside his cloak and set off down the street towards number four, where he sat down on the wall next to the cat. He didn't look at it, but after a moment he spoke to it.  
"Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall."_

"Wait!" interrupted Peter. "Professor McGonagall is an animagi?"  
"Well, yes, Wormtail. She can turn into a cat." Remus answered  
"Since when?"  
"Since forever. Don't you remember her transforming that day in transfiguration? When we had that lesson about animagi?" jams asked.  
"We had a lesson about animagi? But I thought… then why did we have to work so hard to become one?"  
"Oh, yes, I can see it right now." Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "Hi Professor! We know about Remus's little problem, and we want to turn into illegal animagi so that we can all wander with a werewolf all over the place. Can you teach us?' I think not."  
Interrupting the would-be verbal fight, which Wormtail would most definitely lose, Remus said. "Ok, the be-quiet rule is reinstated."

_He turned to smile at the tabby, but it had gone. Instead he was smiling at a rather severe looking woman who was wearing square glasses exactly the shape of the markings the cat had had around its eyes. She, too, was wearing a cloak, an emerald one. Her black hair was drawn into a tight bun. She looked distinctly ruffled._

_"How did you know it was me?" she asked.  
"My dear Professor, I've never seen a cat sit so stiffly."  
"You'd be stiff too if you'd been sitting on a brick wall all day," said Professor McGonagall.  
"All day? When you could have been celebrating? I must have passed a dozen feasts and parties on my way here."_

_Professor McGonagall sniffed angrily._

_"Oh yes, everyone's celebrating all right," she said impatiently. "You'd think they'd be a bit more careful, but no - even the Muggles noticed something's going on. It was on their news." She jerked her head back at the Dursleys' dark living-room window. "I heard it. Flocks of owls ... shooting stars ... Well, they're not completely stupid. They were bound to notice something. Shooting stars down in Kent - I'll bet that was Dedalus Diggle. He never had much sense."_

Yes he does! He knew that paint over the upper staircase plus evil Slytherin equals the best prank of the year!"  
"Prongs, didn't you do that?"  
"James smiled. "Now Moonykins, I think you should know that, while it was my beautiful planning and careful aim that made the poor Slythies scream for their mommies, it was Dedalus's idea from the start."

_You can't blame them," said Dumbledore gently. "We've had precious little to celebrate for eleven years."_

_"I know that," said Professor McGonagall irritably. "But that's no reason to lose our heads. People are being downright careless, out on the streets in broad daylight, not even dressed in Muggle clothes swapping rumors."_

_She threw a sharp, sideways glance at Dumbledore here, as though hoping he was going to tell her something, but he didn't, so she went on: "A fine thing it would be if, on the very day You-Know-Who seems to have disappeared at last, the Muggles found out about us all._

"Bum ba bummm!"  
"Shut it, Pads."

_I suppose he really has gone, Dumbledore?"_

_"It certainly seems so," said Dumbledore. "We have much to be thankful for. Would you care for a sherbet lemon?"_

_"A what?"_

"A what?" The four repeated.

_"A sherbet lemon. They're a kind of Muggle sweet I'm rather fond of."_

_"No, thank you," said Professor McGonagall coldly, as though she didn't think this was the moment for sherbet lemons._

"Professor, it is always time for sweets!" James yelled. "I guess that you don't get enough sweets in you, and that is why you're so sour."

_"As I say, even if You-Know-Who has gone -"_

_"My dear Professor, surely a sensible person like your self can call him by his name? All this 'You-Know-Who' nonsense - for eleven years I have been trying to persuade people to call him by his proper name: Voldemort_".

Peter flinched, but Moony, Padfoot, and Prongs just grinned.

_Professor McGonagall flinched, but Dumbledore, who was un-sticking two sherbet lemons, seemed not to notice._

_"It all gets so confusing if we keep saying 'You-Know-Who.' I have never seen any reason to be frightened of saying Voldemort's name."_

_"I know you haven't," said Professor McGonagall, sounding half-exasperated, half-admiring. "But you're different. Everyone knows you're the one You-Know - oh, all right, Voldemort..._

Again, only Peter flinched.

_-was frightened of"_

_"You flatter me," said Dumbledore calmly. "Voldemort had powers I will never have."_

_"Only because you're too - well - noble to use them."_

_"It's lucky it's dark. I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs."_

"Madam Pomfrey? Isn't she a bit young for you, Professor?"  
"Ew, Prongs, nasty mental picture."

_Professor McGonagall shot a sharp look at Dumbledore_

"Because she wanted Dumbly all to herself."  
"Shut UP Prongs!!"

_and said, "The owls are nothing to the rumors that are flying around. You know what everyone's saying? About why he's disappeared? About what finally stopped him?"_

_It seemed that Professor McGonagall had reached the point she was most anxious to discuss, the real reason she had been waiting on a cold hard wall all day, for neither as a cat nor as a woman had she fixed Dumbledore with such a piercing stare as she did now. It was plain that whatever 'everyone' was saying, she was not going to believe it until Dumbledore told her it was true. Dumbledore, however, was choosing another sherbet lemon and did not answer._

_"What they're saying," she pressed on, "is that last night Voldemort turned up in Godric's Hollow. He went to find the Potters. The rumor is that Lily and James Potter are- are that they're-'_ Bloody hell!!

Oi! What about silly Lily and me?" Yelled James.  
"Oh, James, you had a major hex fight and Voldymort got caught in between."  
"Yeah, because Lily and I would get into a fight."  
"Hey Prongs!" peter said loudly. "Your in the story, this IS a book from the future!"  
Sirius and James looked at Peter. Remus just looked down at the page, where, to him, the most terrible thing in the world was written.

"You're right, Wormtail, we were in it."  
"Hey! What about me and Moony and Padfoot? Where are we?"  
"I don't know where I am, but Moony's probably taking a moonlit stroll, if you catch my drift."  
"SHUT UP, SIRIUS! JUST SHUT UP!" yelled Remus. Suddenly the room was quiet. It wasn't every day that Remus really yelled at anyone, in fact Remus never yelled to his friends.  
Finally, Sirius spoke up. "Wow, Remus, I didn't know that the moon jokes were that bad. You could have told me."  
"It's not that," Looking towards James, he whispered "I'm sorry, James, but it says your…dead!  
Sirius sat down in shock, and Peter, after a moment, started to quietly cry.  
"What! Let me see." James jumped over and grabbed the book. Skimming down, he saw the line. "What kind of a book is this!!  
"An evil, stupid book that we are not reading." Remus answered, and, taking the book from James's limp hands and walked over to the window.  
"Hey! What are you doing?"  
"Throwing the book out the window."  
"But, but I want to know who killed him." James said, getting up.  
"Who kill who?"  
"Voldemort! He's gone, and now I am gone, supposedly. So is Lily. I want to know who killed us all."  
Remus gave James a strange look. "You don't mind that you're dead?"  
"I mind, but if Voldemort's gone, really gone, then I want to know who did it. I mean, wouldn't you?"  
"But, you're gone."  
"Peter, help me convince Moony that it's ok.  
"Moony, just read, its ok." Peter said, slowly wiping his tears away.  
Remus looked at James, then Peter, then Sirius, who didn't move during the whole event. "Padfoot? Pads. Hello? Sirius? Siri? You ok?"  
Finally, Sirius turned his head. "Don't call me Siri. Yeah, go on."

_Dumbledore bowed his head. Professor McGonagall gasped.  
"Lily and James ... I can't believe it ... I didn't want to believe it ... Oh, Albus ..."  
Dumbledore reached out and patted her on the shoulder. "I know ... I know ..." he said heavily.  
Professor McGonagall's voice trembled as she went on. "That's not all. They're saying he tried to kill the Potter's son, Harry._

_  
_"What! Now he went after my son!"  
"James, serious, I can get rid of these any time…"  
"No you don't! Please, read, I, if he kills my son I am going to kill him."

_"But - he couldn't. He couldn't kill that little boy._

James sighed with relief.

_No one knows why, or how, but they're saying that when he couldn't kill Harry Potter, Voldemort's power somehow broke - and that's why he's gone."  
Dumbledore nodded glumly.  
"It's - it's true?" faltered Professor McGonagall. "After all he's done ... all the people he's killed ... he couldn't kill a little boy? It's just astounding ...of all the things to stop him ... but how in the name of heaven did Harry survive?"_

"Yeah Harry!"  
"Look, Prongs. Your son killed off Voldemort. Your SON! And he's just a little kid."  
"See! I told you that we should have kept reading. Look what happened, Voldemort's GONE!"  
"Didn't we know that already?"  
"Oh, yeah."

_"We can only guess," said Dumbledore. "We may never know."_

_Professor McGonagall pulled out a lace handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes beneath her spectacles. Dumbledore gave a great sniff as he took out a watch from his pocket and examined it. It was a very odd watch. It had twelve hands but no numbers; instead, little planets were moving around the edge. It must have made sense to Dumbledore, though, because he put it back in his pocket and said, "Hagrid's late. I suppose it was he who told you I'd be here, by the way?"_

_"Yes," said Professor McGonagall. "And I don't suppose you're going to tell me why you're here, of all places?"_

_"I've come to bring Harry to his aunt and uncle._

"WHAT!" they all yelled.

_They're the only family he has left now."_

_You don't mean - you can't mean the people who live here?" cried Professor McGonagall, jumping to her feet and pointing at number four. "Dumbledore - you can't."_

"Yeah, Dumbly, you just can't! They'll make him boring!!"  
"Is that the way you reward evil-dark-lord-killers?"

_I've been watching them all day. You couldn't find two people who are less like us. And they've got this son - I saw him kicking his mother all the way up the street, screaming for sweets. Harry Potter come and live here!"_

_"It's the best place for him," said Dumbledore firmly._

"Time out! What about here with me or Moony or Wormtail? What's up with that?" Sirius yelled.  
Remus turned to him. "There probably is a good reason why. I mean, since when has Dumbledore done something without a good reason?"  
"You know what? When I write my will, which will be once we finish reading these things, it will say that my future son named Harry will go to you, Pads. And then to Moony, and then to Wormtail."  
"I don't think you can put a kid in a will." Remus said.  
"When there's a will, there's a way. Or whatever the muggle saying is."  
"Prongs, not THAT kind of a will.

_"His aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he's older. I've written them a letter."_

"Yeah, and we are going to write a letter to YOU, professor, telling you the dangers of giving an awesome wizard kid to Muggles.

_"A letter?" repeated Professor McGonagall faintly, sitting back down on the wall. "Really Dumbledore, you think you can explain all this in_ _a letter? These people will never understand him!_

_He'll be famous - a legend - I wouldn't be surprised if today was known as Harry Potter Day in future - there will be books written about Harry - every child in our world will know his name!"_

_"Exactly," said Dumbledore, looking very seriously over the top of his half-moon glasses. "It would be enough to turn any boy's head. Famous before he can walk and talk! Famous for something he won't even remember! Can't you see how much better off he'll be, growing up away from all that until he's ready to take it?"  
Professor McGonagall opened her mouth, changed her mind, swallowed and then said, "Yes - yes, you're right, of course._

"See! I told you there's a good reason!" Remus said.  
James grumbled. "I am still writing that in my future will."

_But how is the boy getting here Dumbledore?"_

_She eyed his cloak suddenly as though she thought he might be hiding Harry underneath it.  
"Hagrid's bringing him."_

_You think it - wise - to trust Hagrid with something as important as this?"_

_"I would trust Hagrid with my life," said Dumbledore._

_"I'm not saying his heart isn't in the right place," said Professor McGonagall grudgingly, "but you can't pretend he's not careless. He does tend to - what was that?"_

_A low rumbling sound had broken the silence around them. It grew steadily louder as they looked up and down the street for some sign of a headlight; it swelled to a roar as they both looked up at the sky - and a huge motorcycle fell out of the air and landed on the road in front of them._

"A motorcycle! A flying motorcycle! I want one of those!" yelled Sirius, who was as obsessed with motorcycles as James was with Quidditch.

_If the motorcycle was huge, it was nothing to the man sitting astride it. He was almost twice as tall as a normal man and at least five times as wide. He looked simply too big to be allowed, and so wild - long tangles of bushy black hair and beard hid most of his face, he had hands the size of dustbin lids and his feet in their leather boots were like baby dolphins. In his vast muscular arms he was holding a bundle of blankets._

"Hello Hagrid!"

"_Hagrid," said Dumbledore, sounding relieved. "At last. And where did you get that motorcycle?"_

_"Borrowed it, Professor Dumbledore, sir," said the giant, climbing carefully off the motorcycle as he spoke. "Young Sirius Black lent it to me."_

"YES!! I got a flying motorcycle!! Do you have a flying motorcycle, Prongs? I think not!  
"Oh, damn, the streets will never be safe again." Whispered Remus, hoping that Sirius wouldn't hear him. Of course, he did.  
"You mean the SKY will never be safe, and what do you mean by that?"  
"Nothing"

_I've got him, sir."_

_"No problems, were there?"_

_"No, sir - house was almost destroyed but I got him out all right before the Muggles started swarmin' around. He fell asleep as we were flyin' over Bristol."_

_Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall bent forward over the bundle of blankets. Inside, just visible, was a baby boy, fast asleep. Under a tuft of jet-black hair over his forehead they could see a curiously shaped cut, like a bolt of lightning._

"Ha-ha, Prongs, he looks just like you, the poor guy."  
"Thank you, Siri, I didn't noticed."

_"Is that where - ?" whispered Professor McGonagall._

_"Yes," said Dumbledore. "He'll have that scar for ever."_

_"Couldn't you do something about it, Dumbledore?"_

_"Even if I could, I wouldn't. Scars can come in useful. I have one myself above my left knee which is a perfect map of the London Underground._

"Random, much." said Sirius, shaking his head.

_Well - give him here, Hagrid - we'd better get this over with."_

_Dumbledore took Harry in his arms and turned towards the Dursleys' house._

_"Could I - could I say goodbye to him, sir?" asked Hagrid._

_He bent his great shaggy head over Harry and gave him what must have been a very scratchy, whiskery kiss._

_Then, suddenly, Hagrid let out a howl like a wounded dog._

"Hagrid, don't do that!" said Peter, "you'll wake the Muggles."

"_Shhh!" hissed Professor McGonagall. "You'll wake the Muggles!"_

James, Sirius, and Remus all stared at Peter, who stood stock still. "Right, that was too weird for my taste." said Remus as he turned the page.

_"S-s-sorry," sobbed Hagrid, taking out a large spotted handkerchief and burying his face in it. "But I c-c-can't stand it - Lily an' James dead - an' poor little Harry off ter live with Muggles -"_

_"Yes, yes, it's all very sad, but get a grip on yourself, Hagrid, or we'll be found," Professor McGonagall whispered, patting Hagrid gingerly on the arm as Dumbledore stepped over the low garden wall and walked to the front door. He laid Harry gently on the doorstep, took a letter out of his cloak, tucked it inside Harry's blankets and then came back to the other two. For a full minute the three of them stood and looked at the little bundle; Hagrid's shoulders shook, Professor McGonagall blinked furiously and the twinkling light that usually shone from Dumbledore's eyes seemed to have gone out…_

_"Well," said Dumbledore finally, "that's that. We've no business staying here. We may as well go and join the celebrations."_

_Yeah," said Hagrid in a very muffled voice. "I'll be takin' Sirius his bike back. G'night, Professor McGonagall - Professor Dumbledore, sir."_

_Wiping his streaming eyes on his jacket sleeve, Hagrid swung himself on to the motorbike and kicked the engine into life; with a roar it rose into the air and off into the night._

_"I shall see you soon, I expect, Professor McGonagall," said Dumbledore, nodding to her. Professor McGonagall blew her nose in reply._

_Dumbledore turned and walked back down the street. On the corner he stopped and took out the silver Put-Outer. He clicked it once and twelve balls of light sped back to their street lamps so that Privet Drive glowed suddenly orange and he could make out a tabby cat slinking around the corner at the other end of the street._

_He could just see the bundle of blankets on the step of number four.  
"Good luck, Harry," he murmured. He turned on his heel and with a swish of his cloak he was gone._

_A breeze ruffled the neat hedges of Privet Drive, which lay silent and tidy under the inky sky, the very last place you would expect astonishing things to happen. Harry Potter rolled over inside his blankets without waking up. One small hand closed on the letter beside him and he slept on, not knowing he was special, not knowing he was famous, not knowing he would be woken in a few hours' time by Mrs. Dursley's scream as she opened the front door to put out the milk bottles, nor that he would spend the next few weeks being prodded and pinched by his cousin Dudley ...He couldn't know that at this very moment, people meeting in secret all over the country were holding up their glasses and saying in hushed voices: "To Harry Potter - the boy who lived!"_

"And that's the end of chapter one!" Remus concluded, closing the book. "Now if you will excuse me, but I need a break. Can we do this tomorrow?"  
"What?" Sirius said, jumping up from his seat. "No! We've got to read it! I want to finish it!"  
James also got up, and started to clear off the table. "Wow, Pads, that's gotta be the first time I heard you say that you want to finish a book. What happened to burning down the library, and that books are the source of all evil?"  
"Now, Prongs, didn't you say that you wanted to find out what happened just a second ago?" Sirius asked. "Well, now, I do too."  
Remus got up and walked over to the sink. "Well, my throat hurts too much to talk. It takes a lot of work, reading a chapter to you guys."  
Sirius thought for a minute as Remus got himself a glass of water while the two other boys cleaned up the kitchen. Finally, he asked, "can I read the next chapter?"  
Peter, James, and Remus all stopped, too shocked to move. Sirius looked up. "No, I'm serious, let me read."  
"Sirius," started Remus, and then thought better of it. "You know what; I've never heard you read out loud anything. Well, except your motorcycle articles and whatnot, but it would still be a good change.  
"So it's settled then." Sirius said as he flipped though the book to his page.


	3. The Vanishing Glass

"So, is everyone comfortable?" Sirius asked, seating himself on a spare chair in the Lupin's Kitchen. They all had huddled on a rug on the floor so they could look up at Sirius. To James, it reminded him of 'story time' when he was five years old.  
"We sure are." James said, looking at the rest of his friends. Peter, as typical, was looking up at awe, but whether he was looking at Sirius or the Harry Potter book was hard to say. Remus, on the other hand, was busy pinching his hand rather painfully if his face was anything to go by.  
"Moony, what are you doing?" Remus looked up at James, but didn't stop pinching himself. "This is a dream, Prongs, it must...Ow...be a dream. Have you ever heard of Sirius reading?" he asked, then added quickly, "No offence meant, by the way."

"Some taken, but not much. Alright, all ready"  
"Yes." They all assured.

"Are you sure."

"Yes."

"Are you positive?"

"Yes!" Peter answered. The other two were to busy to answer, James with not laughing, and Remus with not throwing a convenient mug at Sirius's direction.  
"Are you positively-"

"SIRUS, READ NOW!"

"Alright, don't get your fur in a ruffle"

**_CHAPTER TWO THE VANISHING GLASS_**

**_Nearly ten years had passed since the Dursleys had woken up to find their nephew on the front step, but Privet Drive had hardly changed at all. The sun rose..."_**

No! I thought it skipped."

"Wormtail, no sarcasm needed."

**_...on the same tidy front gardens and lit up the brass number four on the Dursleys' front door; it crept into their living room, which was almost exactly the same as it had been on the night when Mr. Dursley had seen that fateful news report about the owls. Only the photographs on the mantelpiece really showed how much time had passed. Ten years ago, there had been lots of pictures of what looked like a large pink beach ball wearing different-colored bobble hats..._** "These Muggles are weirder than I thought." Sirius interrupted himself. "Why would anyone put a hat on a pink beach ball. In fact, why wound they have a pink beach ball at all? I mean, a blue one is good, and purple's pushing it, but pink?"

"Maybe it was cheap." Peter suggested

_**but Dudley Dursley was no longer a baby, and now the photographs showed a large, blond boy riding his first bicycle, on a roundabout at the fair, playing a computer game with his father, being hugged and kissed by his mother. The room held no sign at all that another boy lived in the house, too.**_

__

"That's because he decided to be a good Marauder's son and ran away from home for good." James shouted.  
"Yes, that would be a great story." Remus said, rolling his eyes. "Take a whole chapter about some boring Muggles, only to learn that from chapter two on, they are not important at all"  
**_Yet Harry Potter was still there, asleep at the moment,  
_**"Told you"  
"Told us what?" asked Peter.  
**_But not for long._**  
"Because he was planning his miraculous and extraordinarily cool escape!" James said.  
"Or he woke up." Remus countered.  
"Hey. Do you people want me to read this or not"  
**_His Aunt Petunia was awake, and it was her shrill voice which made the first noise of the day.  
"Up! Get up! Now"_**  
"Why can't he use an alarm clock to wake him up? They're not as annoying as she must be. 

**_Harry woke with a start. His aunt rapped on the door again._**

**_"Up!" she screeched. Harry heard her walking towards the kitchen and then the sound of the frying pan being put on the cooker. He rolled on to his back and tried to remember the dream he had been having. It had been a good one. There had been a flying motorbike in it._**

"An awesome, red bike with Gryffindor gold flames along the sides." Sirius yelled

"That every Quidditch player will use instead of the cleansweeps." James added.  
"That goes 0-100 in 2 seconds" Remus joined in.  
"That makes vroom-vroom noises." Peter shoated.

**_He had a funny feeling he'd had the same dream before.  
_**"Oh, could it be because you actually RIDDEN in one, Mini-Prongs, and the wonderful memory still amazes you?" Sirius asked. "No, I don't think so." Remus answered.  
"I wasn't talking to you."

_** His aunt was back outside the door.  
"Are you up yet?" she demanded.  
"Nearly," said Harry.  
"Well, get a move on, I want you to look after the bacon. And don't you dare let it burn, I want everything perfect on Duddy's birthday"**_  
":Who the heck is "Duddy" and what kind of deranged parents does he have?" James asked.  
"Just like the ones who calls their trouble-making, mischievous son Sirius?" Remus answered.  
_**Harry groaned.**_

"At Remus's horrible sense of humor..."

"That's not what it says and you know it."  
_**"What did you say?" his aunt snapped through the door.  
"Nothing, nothing "  
Dudley's birthday - how could he have forgotten?**_ "Yeah Mini-Prongs, how can you have forgotten?" _**Harry got slowly out of bed and started looking for socks. He found a pair under his bed and, after pulling a spider off one of them, put them on. Harry was used to spiders, because the cupboard under the stairs was full of them, and that was where he slept.  
**_"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it! Is this book telling me that my son, the boy who lived or whatever they said, the one who saved everyone from the invasion of the most Slytherinly wizard ever, is SLEEPING in a CLOSET?"

Um, Prongs, it's a cupboard. There is a difference."

"Not the time, Wormtail."

**_When he was dressed he went down the hall into the kitchen. The table was almost hidden beneath all Dudley's birthday presents. It looked as though Dudley had got the new computer_**

"A what?" James and Sirius asked Remus.  
"An expensive muggle thing. My muggle cousin always talks about it" He answered

**_...he wanted, not to mention the second television and the racing bike. Exactly why Dudley wanted a racing bike was a mystery to Harry, as Dudley was very fat and hated exercise - unless of course it involved punching somebody. Dudley's favorite punch-bag was Harry,_**

At this moment, James lurched to take the book right out of Sirius's hands. Remus and Peter, without hesitation, grabbed him and forcibly something or another, while Sirius continued in a louder voice.  
_**...but he couldn't often catch him. Harry didn't look it, but he was very fast.**_

So you can stop trying to manslaughter a book, now, James."

**_Perhaps it had something to do with living in a dark cupboard, but Harry had always been small and skinny for his age. He looked even smaller and skinnier than he really was because all he had to wear were old clothes of Dudley's and Dudley was about four times bigger than he was._**

"Stupid, fat, beach-ball bully." James mumbled.

AN: Yes, a short chapter for such a long wait, but the way the rest of the chapter went was not at all good. So anywho, Merry Christmas, happy new year, and expect some more stuff soon. Scraps

Oh, and PS. If anyone has any comments, or criticism, constuctive or not, I would love to hear them. Thanks.


	4. The Vanishing Glass Part 2

Sorry about how long it''s been between each chapters. I'll try to update more, it's just that I always get so distracted.  
So, yeah, thanks to everyone who replied. Especially **skulbalka222**, (who kinda reminded me to actually make an effort on this thing) and **LupinandHarry**, (who's suggestions really helped.) Oh, and **kweebird,** because I'm glad that you liked it so much. try not to break anything, that usually isn't a good thing.

So, anyway, if anyone has any suggestions, or anything, just tell me. Thanks.

Disclaimer: I really don't think I'm J.K. Rowling, especially since I don't know what the K stands for. and besides, if I was, I'm sure that my writing would be 1000 times better than this.

**Harry had a thin face, knobbly knees, black hair and bright-green eyes. He wore round glasses held together by a lot of Sellotape because of all the times Dudley had punched him on the nose. The only thing Harry liked about his appearance was a very thin scar on his forehead which was shaped like a bolt of lightning.**

**  
**"I want one of those! Where did he get that?" Peter asked.  
"Probably from his innocent cousin Duddy." James answered darkly.  
"I don't think a kid could do that." Remus thought out loud. "Not," he added, after seeing James's scorching gaze, "that Dudley wouldn't try to do that. I mean, not that he did hit Harry, or at least not that hard or anything."  
"Remus, you should have stopped while you were behind." Sirius interrupted. "Anyway, Duddy didn't do it. Listen."

**He** **had had it as long as he could remember and the first question he could ever remember asking his aunt was how he had got it.  
"In the car crash when your parents died," she had said. "And don't ask questions"**

"Wait a second, didn't we die from Lord Volde-"  
"Shhh, don't say it!" shouted Peter, shivering.  
"Fine. Lord He-Who-Is-Dead. Didn't he kind of, you know, KILLED LILLY AND ME?"  
"Maybe he threw a car at you?" Sirius suggested.  
"Yes, because all dark wizards throw cars." Remus remarked. "They have a car throwing contest in the spring, you know. It's all international, I think this year it's in Greece, but I'm not positive."  
"No need to get sarcastic, Moony." Peter said.  
"Well, when did you know when I was being sarcastic?"  
"Probably when you said you weren't positive. You're always 'positive' about something." James said.

**Don't ask questions - that was the first rule for a quiet life with the Dursleys.  
Uncle Vernon entered the kitchen as Harry was turning over the bacon.  
"Comb your hair!" he barked, by way of a morning greeting.**

**"Good morning to you too!" The four boys yelled back. James's father joked around James about the infamous Potter Hair, and it became a ritual for the boys to answer back. But this Uncle Vernon didn't sound as fun as Mr. Potter.**

**About once a week, Uncle Vernon looked over the top of his newspaper and shouted that Harry needed a haircut. Harry must have** **had more haircuts than the rest of the boys in his class put together, but it made no difference, his hair simply grew that way - all over the place.**

"Ah, well, we now know that it is definitely Prongs son, and not the mailman." Sirius said knowingly.  
"Meaning what, Pads?"  
"Well," Sirius reasoned, "truth be told, I'm still shocked that Lilly even married you! I mean, has she even said one nice thing to you all last year?"  
"Yeah, she said great game after the Quidditch match with Ravenclaw, which was weird, since we lost nine-hundred and fifty to ten."  
"I believe that's a little thing called sarcasm." Remus said.  
"Or else no sense of Quidditch." Peter added.

**Harry was frying eggs by the time Dudley arrived in the kitchen with his mother. Dudley looked a lot like Uncle Vernon. He had a large, pink face, not muck neck, small, watery blue eyes and thick, blond hair that lay smoothly on his thick, fat head.**

"Hello, marauders, I would like you to meet our new victim, Duddy P. McFatty"  
"And what does the P stand for, Remus." Peter asked.  
"Why, Pig, of course." Remus answered.

**Aunt Petunia often said that Dudley looked like a baby angel - Harry often said that Dudley looked like a pig in a wig.**

"Couldn't say it better myself."

**Harry put the plates of egg and bacon on the table, which was difficult as there wasn't much room. Dudley, meanwhile was counting his presents. His face fell.**

"And there was much rejoicing in the world."  
"It's called an expression, Pads."

**"Thirty-six," he said, looking up at his mother and father. "That's two less than last year"**

"Oh, yes, thirty-six is such a small number, wouldn't you say, James." Peter asked darkly.  
"Oh, but think about it, it's two LESS than last year. What a disappointment."  
"Ungrateful little muggle should be happy he even that many gets birthday presents." Remus said.  
"Yup, once this idiot's born, he's our number one target. I don't know anyone as spoilt. I mean, and no offence, but I don't even get that many presents." Sirius said.  
"But that has nothing to do with the fact that your mother is, well, your mother, and she, to but it mildly, hates you?"  
"Ok, fine. Perfect Regulus never got that many presents. Not in one sitting, in any case."

**"Darling, you haven't counted Auntie Marge's present, see, it's here under this big one from Mummy and Daddy"  
"All right then, thirty-seven then," said Dudley, going red in the face. Harry, who could see a huge Dudley tantrum coming on, began wolfing down his bacon as fast as possible **

"Just like Moony in the morning around the full moon."  
"Ha-ha, like I would be that careless. We all know I don't 'wolf' down my food." Remus said. "Do I?" He asked James worried.  
"If you do, then you can say that you're taking after Peter." James said.  
"Hey!"

**in case Dudley turned the table over. ****Aunt Petunia obviously scented danger**

"Sounds like a perfume to me."

**too, because she said quickly, "And we'll buy you another two presents while we're out today. How's that popkin? Two more presents. Is that all right"  
Dudley thought for a moment. It looked like hard work.**

"Trust me, Duddy, it is, it really is." Sirius said.  
"For those lacking a brain, it is." Remus answered.  
"To whom are you referring to, the fictional character, or the guy who can turn to a big black dog?"  
"To whom are you talking to, me or the big bad wolf me?"  
"Point taken."

**Finally he said slowly, "So I'll have thirty ... thirty "  
"Thirty nine, sweetums," said Aunt Petunia.  
"Oh." Dudley sat down heavily and grabbed the nearest parcel. "All right then"  
Uncle Vernon chuckled. "Little tyke wants his money's worth, just like his father. 'Atta boy, Dudley!" He ruffled Dudley's hair.  
At that moment the telephone rang**

"Ring, ring!"

**and Aunt Petunia went to answer it while Harry and Uncle Vernon watched Dudley unwrap the racing bike, a cine-camera, a remote control airplane, sixteen new computer games and a video recorder.**

"Now that's a lot of stuff."  
"And all pretty pricy too."

**He was ripping the paper off a gold wristwatch when Aunt Petunia came back from the telephone, looking both angry and worried.  
"Bad news, Vernon," she said. "Mrs. Figg's broken her leg. She can't take him." She jerked her head in Harry's direction.**

"You know what I think is funny?" Peter asked. "The fact that she doesn't care that Mrs. What's-her-name broke her leg."

**Dudley's mouth fell open in horror but Harry's heart gave a leap.**

"A leaping heart! Wow, Look at it go!"  
"And again, this is a little thing called an expression." Remus began.  
"Boing, boing, boing." Sirius said, ignoring Remus as he moved his hand up and down as if it was a bouncing ball.

**Every year on Dudley's birthday his parents took him and a friend to, adventure parks, hamburger bars or the cinema. Every year, Harry was left behind with Mrs. Figg, a mad old lady who lived two streets away. Harry hated it there. The whole house smelled of cabbage**

"Which is not a nice smell."

**and Mrs. Figg made him look at all the cats she'd ever owned.  
"Now what?" said Aunt Petunia, looking furiously at Harry as though he'd planned this.**

"Which he should have, if he was a good Mini-Prong." Sirius said.  
"Our plans never went as far as breaking people's legs, Pads." Peter said.  
"We go over the line sometimes, but that's way over the line." Remus added.  
"Maybe" James said, "Maybe he and Mrs. Figg decided to fake it. Yeah! Because Mrs. Figg wanted Harry to go to wherever, and Harry, after all, is a Marauder-in-training, so naturally this is his idea!"

**Harry knew he ought to feel sorry that Mrs. Figg had broken her leg,**

"Nope, he didn't plan it."

**but it wasn't easy when he reminded himself it would be a whole year before he had to look at Tibbles, Snowy, Mr. Paws and Tufty again.**

**"We could phone Marge," Uncle Vernon suggested.**

"Random thought, but do you think that if Mr. Dursley was a wizard, and if he was an animagi, he would turn into a walrus?" Sirius asked. After looking at his friends blank faces, he quietly said, I'll taking that as a no."

**"Don't be silly Vernon, she hates the boy"**

"Well, I hate you!" James shouted.  
"Prongs, you've never met the lady." Remus said.  
"An enemy of my son is an enemy of me."

**The Dursleys often spoke about Harry like this, as though he wasn't there - or rather, as though he was something very nasty that couldn't understand them, like a slug.**

"Slugs are really smart, don't you know?" Peter said. "At least, the ones at Hogwarts are."  
"That's only because they always sneak back into your herbology plants."

**"What about what's-her-name, your friend - Yvonne?"  
"On holiday in Majorca," snapped Aunt Petunia.  
"You could just leave me here," Harry put in hopefully (he'd be able to watch what he wanted on television for a change and maybe even have a go on Dudley's computer)**

"No Harry! You don't want to stay home. You want to go out, and get some sunshine, and other things that you want to do!"  
"Prongs, he would then have to stay with the Dursleys." Sirius reminded him.  
James sat, and after a little thought, begged, "Yeah, can't he stay home, Mrs. Dursley? Please, please, please with sugar on top?"

**Aunt Petunia looked as though she'd just swallowed a lemon. "And come back and find the house in ruins?" she snarled.**

**"I won't blow up the house," said Harry, but they weren't listening.**

"I would, if mum left me there by myself." Sirius muttered darkly.  
"Well, what's stopping you?"  
"I have some posters that I put a permanent sticking charm on. They won't come off."  
"That is the whole purpose of a permanent sticking charm, you know."

**"I suppose we could take him to the zoo," said Aunt Petunia slowly, "... and leave him in the car ..."**

**"That car's new, he's not sitting in it alone ..."**

**Dudley began to cry loudly.**

"Awww, wook at the wittle baby." James started to talk in a baby voice, which was, until know, reserved for emergencies for Snape-Taunting. "Does baby not want Hawwy to come? Does he? Well," He shouted, dropping any hint of baby talk, "that's too darn bad!"  
"And I thought Moony's squeaky voice was bad." Sirius said.

**In fact he wasn't really crying, it had been years since he'd really cried, but he knew that if he screwed up his face and wailed, his mother would give him anything he wanted.**

**"Dinky Duddydums,**

"Oh, Merlin, the kid's going to end up messed for life if she keeps up with these nicknames."  
"Like he isn't already."  
"True."

**don't cry, Mummy won't let him spoil your special day!" she cried, flinging her arms around him.  
"I ... don't ... want ... him ... t-t-to come!" Dudley yelled between huge pretend sobs. "He always sp-spoils everything!" He shot Harry a nasty grin through the gap in his mother's arms.  
Just then, the doorbell rang -**

"Ding dong da ling ding dang."

**"Oh, Good Lord, they're here!" said Aunt Petunia frantically - and a moment later, Dudley's best friend Piers Polkiss, walked in with his mother. Piers was a scrawny boy with a face like a rat.**

"Nice looking fellow." Commented Remus as he made his way over to one of the kitchen cabinets and took four cups out. "Anyone want a drink? Mom made some lemonade before she went to work, apparently."  
"Yes, please. This reading stuff is hard work." Sirius said.  
"Me too!" James said, raising his hand. "How about you, Wormtail?"  
Peter folded his arms, pouting. "You know," he began, "some people like rats. They think they're cute."  
"So what're you saying? You don't want lemonade?"  
"No, I mean, yes, I would like to have some lemonade, but I think we shouldn't make fun of someone because that someone might look like a rat."  
"Whatever you say." Sirius said, handing Peter his cup.  
"As elegant as ever." Remus muttered, taking a seat between James and Peter, in case there were anymore rat references.

**He was usually the one who held people's arms behind their backs while Dudley hit them. Dudley stopped pretending to cry at once.**

**Half an hour later, Harry, who couldn't believe his luck, was sitting in the back of the Dursleys' car with Piers and Dudley, on the way to the zoo for the first time in his life.**

"Oh, I like the zoo! Especially when you get to visit the monkeys. Aren't they the best?" Sirius interrupted.

**His aunt and uncle hadn't been able to think of anything else to do with him, but before they'd left, Uncle Vernon had taken Harry aside.**

**"I'm warning you," he had said, putting his large purple face right up close to Harry's, "I'm warning you now, boy -any funny business, anything at all - and you'll be in that cupboard from now until Christmas"**

"But what about mealtimes?" interrupted James?  
"Or if he has to go to the bathroom?"  
"Maybe it's a huge cupboard that has a bathroom and a kitchen!" Peter exclaimed.  
"Or else they do let him out to do those things, and Mr. Walrus-man is just exaggerating." Remus added.

**"I'm not going to do anything," said Harry, "honestly ..."**

**But Uncle Vernon didn't believe him. No ever did.  
The problem was, strange things often happened around Harry and it was just no good telling the Dursleys he didn't make them happen.  
Once, Aunt Petunia, tired of Harry coming back from the barber's looking as though he hadn't been at all, had taken a pair of scissors and cut his hair so short he was almost bald except for his bangs, which she left 'to hide that horrible scar'.**

"Mrs. Dursley, a good hairdresser you are not."

**Dudley laughed himself silly at Harry, who spent a sleepless night imagining school the next day, where he was already laughed at for his baggy clothes and taped glasses. Next morning, however, he had got up to find his hair exactly as it had been before Aunt Petunia had sheared it off. He had been given a week in his cupboard for this, even though he had tried to explain that he couldn't explain how it had grown back so quickly.**

"But James can." Sirius grinned, glancing over at his friend.  
"The accursed Potter Hair. There is no known magical cure for it, what makes her think that a pair of scissors would do anything to help?"

**Another time, Aunt Petunia had been trying to force him into a revolting old jumper of Dudley's (brown with orange bobbles). The harder she tried to pull it over his head, the smaller it seemed to become, until finally it might have fitted a glove puppet, but certainly wouldn't fit Harry.**

"Unless Harry suddenly turned into a puppet." Remus said with a small smile.  
"You know, we could try that on Snape one of these days." James said  
"Or Regulus, if he gets a bit uppity."

**Aunt Petunia had decided it must have shrunk in the wash and, to his great relief, Harry wasn't punished.**

**On the other hand, he'd got into terrible trouble for being found on the roof of the school kitchens. Dudley's gang had been chasing him as usual when, as much to Harry's surprise as anyone else's, there he was sitting on the chimney. The Dursley's had received a very angry letter from Harry's headmistress telling them Harry had been climbing school buildings. But all he tried to do (as he shouted at Uncle Vernon through the locked door of his cupboard) was jump behind the big trash cans outside the kitchen doors. Harry supposed that the wind must have caught him in mid-jump.**

"Yeah, because a bit of wind can carry a boy up to the roof." Remus said.  
"Well, you never know. He could have actually floated, and the wind helped a bit." Peter answered, taking a small sip from his lemonade.  
"Or he flew to the chimney!" James cried.  
"Well, it matters if he was turning when he was jumping, because he could have apparated." Sirius remarked.  
"I doubt that he apparated. You need to concentrate on where your apparating to, and if he was thinking of the trash cans, then he would have ended up on the trash cans." Remus said.  
"So he flew." Sirius said.  
"Or floated."

**But today, nothing was going to go wrong. It was even worth being with Dudley and Piers to be spending the day somewhere that wasn't school, his cupboard or Mrs. Figg's cabbage-smelling living-room.**

**While he drove, Uncle Vernon complained to Aunt Petunia. He liked to complain about things: people at work, Harry, the council, Harry, the bank and Harry were just a few of his favorite subjects.**

"He has very bad complaining subjects." Sirius said. "The people at work make work less...work-like, and Harry is just plain cool, and the council sounds boring, unless it's a how-to-make-balloon-animals council, and Harry is a Marauder in training, and the bank has money that you can buy stuff and Harry is a mini version of James."

**This morning, it was motorcycles...**

"SEE WHAT I MEAN! Motorcycles are the best; they are so cool, they are much better than cars."  
"But not as good as brooms, right?" James asked.  
"Well," Sirius reasoned. "No, brooms fly, and motorcycles don't, do they."

**"... roaring along like maniacs, the young hoodlums," he said, as a motorcycle overtook them.  
"I had a dream about a motorcycle," said Harry, remembering suddenly. "It was flying"**

"Oh yeah! I forgot I got a FLYING MOTOCYCLE! Or will get, whichever."

**Uncle Vernon nearly crashed into the car in front. ****He turned right around in his seat and yelled at Harry, his face like a gigantic beetroot with a moustache, "MOTORCYCLES DON'T FLY"**

"But no, seriously, doesn't anyone think that he looks like a walrus?"  
"Not really, no."

**Dudley and Piers snickered.**

**"I know they don't," said Harry. "It was only a dream"**

"Except it was real, Mini-Prongs, it was real and it was MY motorcycle and it's going to be the fastest flying bike there ever was."  
"And that would be because it's the only flying motorcycle there ever was, or will be." Peter said.

**But he wished he hadn't said anything. If there was one thing the Dursleys hated more than his asking questions, it was his talking about anything acting in a way it shouldn't, no matter if it was in a dream or even in a cartoon - they seemed to think he might get dangerous ideas.**

"What's so wrong about a flying motorcycle? I mean, really, it's not going to kill anyone."  
"Maybe they know that all this talk about motorcycles was going to annoy me to death." Remus said.

**It was a very sunny Saturday and the zoo was crowded with people. The Dursleys bought Dudley and Piers large chocolate ice-creams at the entrance and then, because the smiling lady in the van had asked Harry what he wanted before they could hurry him away, they bought him a cheap lemon ice pop.  
It wasn't bad either, Harry thought, licking it as they watched a gorilla scratching its head and looking remarkably like Dudley, except that it wasn't blond.**

"We really need to keep notes, this kid is brilliant." Peter said. "I mean, he's really good. You should be proud, James."  
"Oh, I am, but I just wish that he would turn the Dursley's into toads or something."  
"He would, Prongs," Sirius said. "He's just thinking about turning them into something more creative. Like a walrus."  
"What's with you and walruses?" Remus asked.  
"I have no idea."

**Harry had the best morning he'd had in a long time. He was careful to walk a little way apart from the Dursleys so that Dudley and Piers, who were starting to get bored with the animals by lunchtime, wouldn't fall back on their favorite hobby of hitting him. They ate in the zoo restaurant and when Dudley had a tantrum because his knickerbockers glory wasn't big enough, Uncle Vernon bought him another one and Harry was allowed to finish the first.**

"That sounds really tasty, that glory thing." Peter commented.  
James sighed. "Yeah, but you know, I wish that I was there. Then Harry could have those things all the time."  
The other boys suddenly quiet down. They all had forgotten the reason why Harry had to live with the Dursleys. Finally, Sirius spoke up.  
"You know, we all wish that you were there."  
"Yeah, Prongs, we won't let you die." Peter added.  
"And even if you do, the Dursleys are not going to get their dirty paws on Harry." Remus said.  
"And then Harry can have as many of those Glory Delight things as he wants."  
James smiled. "Thanks guys."

**Harry felt, afterwards, that he should have known it was all too good to last.**

"Oh, no. That doesn't sound good."  
"You think?"

**After lunch they went to the reptile house. It was cool and dark in here, with lit windows all along the walls. Behind the glass, all sorts of lizards and snakes were crawling and slithering over bits of wood and stone. Dudley and Piers wanted to see huge, poisonous cobras and thick, man-crushing pythons. Dudley quickly found the largest snake in the place.  
It could have wrapped its body twice around Uncle Vernon's car, and crushed it into a trash can.**

"And they were worried about Harry ruining the car."

**-but at the moment it didn't look in the mood. In fact, it was fast asleep.**

**Dudley stood with his nose pressed against the glass, staring at the glistening brown coils.**

**"Make** **it move," he whined at his father. Uncle Vernon tapped on the glass,**

"Like that would do anything."

**but the snake didn't budge.**

"What a surprise!"

**"Do it again," Dudley ordered Uncle Vernon rapped the glass smartly with his knuckles, but the snake just snoozed on.**

**"This is boring," Dudley moaned. He shuffled away.**

**Harry moved in front of the tank and looked intently at the snake. He wouldn't have been surprised if it had died of boredom itself - no company except people drumming their fingers on the glass trying to disturb it all day long.**

"That does sound boring. He can't even visit the monkeys."  
"Probably because he might eat the monkeys."  
"That's not the point, Moony."

**It was worse than having a cupboard for a bedroom, where the only visitor was Aunt Petunia hammering on the door to wake you up - at least he got to visit the rest of the house.**

**The snake suddenly opened its beady eyes. Slowly, very slowly, it raised its head until its eyes were level with Harry's.**

**It winked.**

"Question!" Peter interrupted. "Do snakes wink?"  
"I don't think so." Remus said. "But then again, I don't make it a point to know the winking abilities of snakes."

**Harry stared. Then he looked quickly around to see if anyone was watching. They weren't. He looked back at the snake and winked, too.**

"Ok, can anyone imagine winking at a snake? This is getting weird."  
"A good weird, or a bad weird, Pads." James asked.  
"Not sure yet."

**The snake jerked its head towards Uncle Vernon and Dudley, then raised its eyes to the ceiling. It gave Harry a look that said quite plainly: "I get that all the time"**

"Hold up! Is the snake talking to my son?" James asked.  
"Ummm, why would it matter?"  
"Because then my son would be a parselmouth, and when he would go to Hogwarts he would be housed in Slytherin and then he will be turned EVIL!"  
"He's not going to turn evil just by being in Slytherin." Peter said.  
"How would you know? My whole family is pretty much all bad, and they all went to Slytherin." Sirius said.

**"I know," Harry murmured through the glass, though he wasn't sure the snake could hear him. "It must be really annoying."**

"Merlin, now Harry's talking to the snake."

**The snake nodded vigorously.**

"AND THE SNAKE UNDERSTANDS!"  
"Jamres, how do you know it's not a magic snake that understands English?" Remus asked.  
James looked at Remus, shocked. "Never thought of that."

**"Where do you come from, anyway?" Harry asked.**

**The snake jabbed its tail at a little sign next to the glass. Harry peered at it.  
Boa Constrictor, Brazil.  
"Was it nice there?"**

**The boa constrictor jabbed its tail at the sign again and Harry read on: This specimen was bred in the zoo. "Oh, I see - so you've never been to Brazil?"**

**As the snake shook its head, a deafening shout behind Harry made both of them jump. "DUDLEY! MR DURSLEY! COME AND LOOK AT THIS SNAKE! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT IT'S DOING!"**

**Dudley came waddling towards them as fast as he could. "Out of the way, you," he said, punching Harry in the ribs.**

"Marauders, this calls for some serious trouble-making." James said.  
"You know, I was thinking the same thing." Sirius said.  
"Yeah, let's do something really nasty to this Duddy"  
"Like plan SSS?" Remus suggested. The three other boys turned to look at him is surprise. "What?"  
"Well, Moony, you never really approved of Plan SSS." James answered  
"I believe your exact word were that you'd rather burn every book in the Hogwarts library than participate such a stupid, foolish, most pathetic plan wannabe." Sirius said. "Though why that's a bad thing is kind of beyond me."  
"I never meant it, and besides, don't you think that Dudley deserves it?"  
"Looks like Harry got to them first,"Sirius said, who had been reading ahead. "Listen."

**Caught by surprise, Harry fell hard on the concrete floor. What came next happened so fast no one saw how it happened - one second, Piers and Dudley were leaning right up close to the glass, the next, they had leapt back with howls of horror.**

**Harry sat up and gasped; the glass front of the boa constrictor's tank had vanished. The great snake was uncoiling itself rapidly, slithering out on to the floor - people throughout the reptile house screamed and started running for the exits.**

"Run, run while you can, the snake is going to eat you!"

**as the snake slid swiftly past him, Harry could have sworn a low, hissing voice said, " Brazil, here I come ... Thanksss, amigo"**

"Oh Merlin, Harry's going to be sent to Slytherin."  
"And how do you know that, James." Asked Peter.  
"Lord Dead-Person is a parselmouth, you know, and HE went to Slytherin. And Salazar Slytherin was a parselmouth himself."  
"James, and I am being completely serious here, would it matter if your son went to Slytherin, or talked to snakes?"  
"Well, not really but..."  
"But nothing. Do you know how cool that would be? He could have a snake for a pet, and it can eat the Dursleys, and even do his homework!"  
"And don't you want your son to have someone else do his homework for him, James?" Remus asked.  
"You know, I would never have thought that you would actually encourage this, Moony."  
"There's a first time for everything."

**The keeper of the reptile house was in shock.**

**"But the glass," he kept saying, "where did the glass go"**

"Mini-Prongs made the glass go poof." Sirius laughed.

**The zoo director himself made Aunt Petunia a cup of strong sweet tea while he apologized over and over again. Piers and Dudley could only gibber. As far as Harry had seen, the snake hadn't done anything except snap playfully at their heels as it passed, but by the time they were all back in uncle Vernon's car, Dudley was telling them how it had nearly bitten off his leg, while Piers was swearing it had tried to squeeze him to death.**

"I wished it did."

**But, worst of all, for Harry at least, was Piers calming down enough to say, "Harry was talking to it, weren't you, Harry?**

**Uncle Vernon waited until Piers was safely out of the house before starting on Harry. He was so angry he could hardly speak. He managed to say, "Go - cupboard - stay - no meals," before he collapsed into a chair and Aunt Petunia had to run and get him a large brandy.**

"Brandy's not going to make the glass come back, you know."

**Harry lay in his dark cupboard much later, wishing he had a watch. He didn't know what time it was and he couldn't be sure the Dursleys were asleep yet. Until they were, he couldn't risk sneaking in to the kitchen for some food.**

"Oh, good, he can go get stuff to eat. I guess he doesn't have a kitchen in the cupboard after all."

**He'd lived with the Dursleys almost ten years, ten miserable years, as long as he could remember, ever since he'd been a baby and his parents had died.**

**Sometimes, when he strained his memory during long hours in his cupboard, he came up with a strange vision: a blinding flash of green light and a burning pain on his forehead.**

"That's sad, remembering how your parent's died but not knowing what happened."  
"That IS sad, but what's with the green light." James said. "Do you think-"  
"That it might be the killing curse?" Sirius finished. "I'm not sure. Moony?"  
"It sounds like it, but no one can survive a killing curse. That's why it's called a KILLING curse."  
"Well, what other spells are green and make your head hurt?" Peter asked.  
"That spoon-waltzing charm we learned last year gave me a headache."  
"That's only because your spoon kept on hitting your head. And I don't think that Who-Know-Who would use a spoon charm to finish off someone."

**This, he supposed, was the crash, though he couldn't imagine where the green light came from. He couldn't remember his parents at all. His aunt and uncle never spoke about them,**

"Because they were just too jealous of us."

**And of course he was forbidden to ask questions. There were no photographs of them in the house.**

**When he had been younger, Harry had dreamed and dreamed of some unknown relation coming to take him away, but it had never happened; the Dursleys were his only family. Yet sometimes he thought (or maybe hoped) that strangers in the street seemed to know him. Very strange strangers they were, too.**

**A tiny man in a violet top hat had bowed to him once while out shopping with Aunt Petunia and Dudley. After asking Harry furiously if he knew the man, Aunt Petunia had rushed them out of the shop without buying anything. A wild-looking woman dressed in all green has waved merrily at him once on a bus. A bald man in a very long purple cloak had actually shaken his hand in the street the other day then walked away without another word. The weirdest thing about all these people was the way they seemed to vanish the second Harry tried to get a closer look.**

"And that is what we wizards like to call apparating."

**At school, Harry had no one. Everybody knew that Dudley's gang hated that odd Harry Potter in his baggy old clothes and broken glasses, and nobody liked to disagree with Dudley's gang.**

"The End." Sirius said, closing the book. "Now, children, have we learned today?"  
"That you have an odd fascination with walruses?"  
"That the Dursleys are the meanest Muggles ever on the face of the earth?"  
"That if a certain Sirius Black doesn't continue reading, he's going to miss out on all the preparations for plan SSS."  
"What, do you want me to read now?"  
"Yes, please!" the three boys said in unison.  
"Alright, let me find the page." Sirius said.


	5. The Letters from No One

AN: 'Ello! I learned something; I'm not the best updater. Ha, who would of guessed...But I kinda feel proud. I've been working on another story, and not at all Harry related, but national treasure related. i like it, I'll try to update either that or this by this week.

Sooo, anyway. Same little thing. If you have any suggestions, or critiques, or just want me to stop being so lazy, whichever, just say it. And thanks for all those who've replied before...I'm so happy you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own anything except some books which have decided to play hide and seek. so that's that.

"Right, here it is." Sirius said, finding his page. Clearing his throat, he began to read.

**CHAPTER THREE THE LETTERS FROM NO ONE **

**The escape of the Brazilian boa constrictor earned Harry his longest-ever punishment. By the time he was allowed out of his cupboard again, the summer holidays had started...**

"Oh, good. No school!" Peter said. "Harry doesn't have to do all that annoying work."  
"But he has to be with the Dursleys. Not exactly my idea of fun, if you ask me."

**..and Dudley had already broken his new video camera, crashed his remote control airplane, and, first time out on his racing bike, knocked down old Mrs. Figg as she crossed Privet Drive on her crutches.**

"Yeah, try to STEER next time. Idiot, doesn't know how to ride a bike."  
"Do you, Moony?"  
"Not really, no. what's your point?"

**Harry was glad school was over, but there was no escaping Dudley's gang, who visited the house every single day. Piers, Dennis, Malcolm, and Gordon were all big and stupid, but as Dudley was the biggest and stupidest of the lot, he was the leader.**

"I kind of feel sad for those other people. I mean, why would anyone want to do whatever Dudley says?"  
"Because they think he's 'cool'."  
Which just shows how weird these people are."

**The rest of them were quite happy to join in Dudley's favorite sport: Harry Hunting.**

"Stupid little Muggles, going after Harry. Wait until your born, then you're really going to get it."  
"You can't hurt a baby, Prongs."  
"Well, then I'll wait until he grows up!"  
" Ummm, not that I want to burst your bubble, Prongs," Remus began. "But you're going to be, you know, kinda dead."  
"Well, then I'll 'kinda' tell you to go after Dudley, bubble-burster! Do you want him hurting my son!"  
Technically, you don't have a son. You just...might have a son."

**This was why Harry spent as much time as possible out of the house,**

"And now He can't even stay in the house!"  
Prongs, think about it." Sirius interrupted. "He's getting fresh air. And...and exercise! All good things that he would otherwise wouldn't get."

**...wandering around and thinking about the end of the holidays, where he could see a tiny ray of hope. When September came he would be going off to secondary school and, for the first time in his life, he wouldn't be with Dudley. Dudley had been accepted at Uncle Vernon's old school, Smeltings. Piers Polkiss was going there too. Harry, on the other hand, was going to Stonewall High, the local public school. Dudley thought this was very funny.**

"They stuff people's heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall," he told Harry. "Want to come upstairs and practice?"

James growled "You better not lay one hand on my son, you bas...what's so funny?" James asked Sirius, who had started to laugh maniacally.  
"Listen to this!"

**"No thanks," said Harry. "The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said.**

"Really, how good can you get?"

**One day in July, Aunt Petunia took Dudley to London to buy his Smeltings uniform, leaving Harry at Mrs. Figg's. Mrs. Figg wasn't as bad as usual. It turned out she'd broken her leg tripping over one her cats, and she didn't seem quite as fond of them as before.**

"Why would anyone be fond of those nasty things? They, they claw things, and hunt innocent animals, and stuff."  
"Wormtail, you just don't like them because Mrs. Norris tried to eat you that one time in the spring."

**She let Harry watch television and gave him a bit of chocolate cake that tasted as though she'd had it for several years.  
**

**That evening, Dudley paraded around the living room for the family in his brand-new uniform. Smeltings boys wore maroon tailcoats, orange knickerbockers, and flat straw hats called boaters.**

"Seriously, what kind of uniform is that? I mean, the color scheme doing match at all."

**They also carried knobbly sticks, used for hitting each other while the teachers weren't looking. This was supposed to be good training for later life.**

"How would that help you for later life?"  
"Considering that Dudley might not have that much of a life later on." James grumbled. Remus glanced worriedly at him.  
"You're not thinking of MURDERING him, are you?"  
"No, not me. But, come on. Do you really expect that no one will not at least attempt it?"  
"Really, Prongs, that is just slightly creepy."

**As he looked at Dudley in his new knickerbockers, Uncle Vernon said gruffly that it was the proudest moment of his life. Aunt Petunia burst into tears and said she couldn't believe it was her Ickle Dudleykins,**

"Get a new, normal nickname!" Sirius yelled at the book.  
"You know, it can't hear you." Remus reminded him.  
"Oh, I knew that."

**...he looked so handsome and grown-up. Harry didn't trust himself to speak. He thought two of his ribs might already have cracked from trying not to laugh.**

"Poor kid. He can't laugh or anything."  
"Yeah, that's how i felt when Regulus was getting fitted for his first set of Hogwarts clothes. Except I just was bored, it wasn't funny at all."

**There was a horrible smell in the kitchen the next morning when Harry went in for breakfast. It seemed to be coming from a large metal tub in the sink. He went to have a look. The tub was full of what looked like dirty rags swimming in grey** **water.**

**  
****"What's this?" he asked Aunt Petunia. Her lips tightened as they always did if he dared to ask a question.  
"Your new school uniform," she said.**

"I thought that public schools didn't allow uniforms?"  
"Some do and some don't."  
"But they shouldn't be all...gray. It's such an ugly color."  
"Yeah, but remember, it matches with everything."

**Harry looked in the bowl again.  
"Oh," he said. "I didn't realize it had to be so wet."**

"Yup, he definitely takes after Prongs."  
"What's that supposed to mean."  
"Oh, nothing, nothing."  
"No, tell me!"  
"Well, you're not the brightest crayon in the box, are you?"  
"Smarts aren't the only thing in life, Moony. You also need looks, which I obviously have."  
"Yeah, you have looks, but not the right ones."

**"Don't be stupid," snapped aunt Petunia. "I'm dyeing some of Dudley's old things gray for you. It'll look like everyone else's when I've finished."**

"Why can't you but some NEW stuff for him, eh?"  
"Of course they can't, that would be stupid."

**Harry seriously doubted this, but thought it best not to argue. He sat down at the table and tried not to think about how he was going to look on his first day at Stonewall High - like he was wearing bits of old elephant skin, probably.**

**Dudley and Uncle Vernon came in, both with wrinkled noses because of the smell from Harry's new uniform. Uncle Vernon opened his newspaper as usual and Dudley banged his Smeltings stick, which he carried everywhere, on the table.**

"Maybe he thinks he's a drummer." James said.  
"Doesn't he need two drummer sticks?" Peter asked.  
"Has a serious bad sense of rhythm, then." Remus answered.

**They heard the click of the mail slot and flop of letters on the doormat.**

**"Get the mail, Dudley," said Uncle Vernon from behind his paper.  
"Make Harry get it."**

"No, daddy told you to get it. And don't you want daddy to be happy?"

**"Get the mail, Harry"  
"Make Dudley get it."**

"That's right, go make Dudley do it."

**"Poke him with your Smeltings stick, Dudley."**

**Harry dodged the Smeltings stick and went to get the mail. Three things lay on the doormat: a postcard from Uncle Vernon's sister Marge, who was vacationing on the Isle of Wight, a brown envelope that looked like a bill and - _a letter for Harry._**

"And all in italics too. "  
"What's that to do with anything?"  
"Nothing, really, just stating."

**Harry picked it up and stared at it, his heart twanging like a giant elastic band.  
No one, ever, in his whole life, had written to him. Who would? He had no friends, no other relatives...**

"YES YOU DO! Pads here is my grandfather's cousin's aunt-in-law's daughter's great-nephew!"  
"I think they're talking about closer relatives." Peter said.  
"It still works."

**...he didn't belong to the library so he'd never even got rude notes asking for books back. Yet, here it was, a letter, addressed so plainly there could be no mistake:**

**Mr. H. Potter  
The Cupboard under the Stairs  
4 Privet Drive Little Whinging  
Surrey**

"What's so funny?" Remus asked as James started to laugh.  
"They just gave us the Dursley's address. Now we can really prank them!"  
"What do you plan to do?" Sirius asked. "Ring on their doorbell and then run away?"  
James looked at Sirius in awe. "Pads, you're a genius! Why didn't I think of that!"  
"Maybe because it is so juvenile?" Remus suggested.  
"Or overdone?" Peter added.  
"Exactly! They wouldn't even expect it!"

**The envelope was thick and heavy, made of yellowish parchment, and the address was written in emerald-green ink**.

"Green ink?"  
"Yellow Parchment?"  
"And Mini-Prongs is definitely just a little bit older than ten."  
"I wonder who this is from."

**There was no stamp.**

"Well of course there's no stamp. Wizards don't like stamps. They're all...stampy."  
"Brilliantly done, Sirius."

**Turning the envelope over, his hand trembling, Harry saw a purple wax seal bearing a coat of arms; a lion, an eagle, a badger and a snake surrounding a large letter 'H'.**

**"Hurry up, boy!" shouted Uncle Vernon from the kitchen. "What are you doing, checking for letter-bombs?"**

"What're letter bombs?" James asked.  
"Bombs in letters, I guess."  
"Why would anyone send one to the Dursleys...oh, wait. Never mind."

**He chuckled at his own joke.**

**Harry went back to the kitchen, still staring at his letter. He handed Uncle Vernon the bill and the postcard, sat down and slowly began to open the yellow** envelope.

"SLOWLY! What are you doing? Rip it! Shred it to shreds!"  
"Because, you know, you can't just shred something to itty bitty pieces." James said.  
"Yeah Padfoot, it _must_ be shreds." Peter said.  
"Shush. You just can't stand my amazing vocabulary skills."  
"Of course they are, Sirius. You just tell yourself that." Remus said. "Why don't you just continue reading while they simmer in their jealousy."

**Uncle Vernon ripped open the bill, snorted in disgust, and flipped over the postcard.  
"Marge's ill," he informed Aunt Petunia. "Ate a funny whelk "  
"Dad!" said Dudley suddenly. "Dad, Harry's got something!"**

**Harry was on the point of unfolding his letter, which was written on the same heavy parchment as the envelope, when it was jerked sharply out of his hand by Uncle Vernon.**

**"That's mine!" said Harry, trying to snatch it back.**

"Yeah, give it back!"  
"Like that will do any good."

**"Who'd be writing to you?" sneered Uncle Vernon, shaking the letter open with one hand and glancing at it. His face went from red to green faster than a set of traffic lights. And it didn't stop there. Within seconds it was the grayish white of old porridge.**

"Hey, traffic lights aren't grayish porridge color."  
"Don't be smart, Wormtail."

**"P-P-Petunia!" he gasped.  
Dudley tried to grab the letter to read it, but Uncle Vernon held it high out of his reach. Aunt Petunia took it curiously and read the first line. For a moment it looked as though she might faint.**

"And then she did, and the whole world was so happy that they sent the letter writer a thousand stuff."  
"Except they had no clue who the letter writer was, and besides Hogwarts doesn't accept muggle mail, so it was returned to the mailers."  
"Way to be a bubble-burster."

**She clutched her throat and made a choking noise.  
"Vernon! Oh my goodness - Vernon"  
They stared at each other, seeming to have forgotten that Harry and Dudley were still in the room. Dudley wasn't used to being ignored. He gave his father a sharp tap on the head with his Smeltings stick.**

**"I want to read that letter," he said loudly.  
"_I _want to read it," said Harry furiously, "as it's _mine._"**

"Look! More italics."

**"Get out both of you," croaked Uncle Vernon, stuffing the letter back inside its envelope.  
Harry didn't move.  
"I WANT MY LETTER!" he shouted.**

"Yeah, Harry! Go all demanding on him."  
"Do you really think that that's going to help, Prongs?" Peter asked.  
"Probably is going to get him into more trouble." Remus added.

**"Let _me_ see it!" demanded Dudley.**

"And again, all in italics."  
"Will you stop with the italic announcements? They're starting to annoy me."

**"OUT!" roared Uncle Vernon, and he took both Harry and Dudley by the scruffs of their necks and threw them into the hall, slamming the kitchen door behind them.  
Harry and Dudley promptly had a furious but silent fight over who would listen at the keyhole;**

"What? Like, rock, paper, scissors?"  
"No, not like rock, paper, scissors. More like Harry going all 'grrr' on Dudley and winning."  
"No offense, prongs, but I don't think that Harry's going to win." Sirius said.  
"What makes you say that?"  
"It says right here that Dudley won. Listen."

**Dudley won, so Harry, his glasses dangling from one ear, lay flat on his stomach to listen at the crack between the door and the floor.**

**"Vernon," Aunt Petunia was saying in a quivering voice, "look at the address - how could they possibly know where he sleeps? You don't think they're watching the house"  
"Watching - spying - might be following us," muttered Uncle Vernon wildly.**

"No. otherwise, you'd be turned into a toad right now."  
"Or a walrus."  
"Now let's not start THAT again."

**"But what should we do, Vernon? Should we write back? Tell them we don't want -"**

NO! Don't do that. Then Harry won't go to Hogwarts and be awesome like me!"  
"Because everyone wants to be like you, Prongs."

**Harry could see Uncle Vernon's shiny shoes pacing up and down the kitchen.  
"No," he said finally. "No, we'll ignore it. If they don't get an answer ... yes, that's best ... we won't do anything ..."**

"That's not going to work." Peter began. "Remember Bobby Sue? She was a year ahead of us, and her parents were Muggles too. They didn't want to answer back..."  
"Oh, I remember! She said that there was a hundred letters in one sitting."

**"But -"  
"I'm not having one in the house, Petunia! Didn't we swear when we took him in we'd stamp out all that dangerous nonsense?"**

**That evening when he got back from work, Uncle Vernon did something he'd never done before; he visited Harry in his cupboard.  
"Where's my letter?" said Harry, the moment Uncle Vernon had squeezed through the door. "Who's writing to me?"**

Very subtle, Mini-Prongs." Remus said. "You have definitely mastered the art of weaseling information."

**"No one. It was addressed to you by mistake," said Uncle Vernon shortly. "I have burned it."**

"It was NOT a mistake!" Peter began.

**"It was not a mistake," said Harry angrily.**

"See, even Harry agrees with me."

**"It had my cupboard on it"  
"SILENCE!" yelled Uncle Vernon, and a couple of spiders fell from the ceiling. He took a few deep breaths and then forced his face into a smile, which looked quite painful.  
"Er- yes, Harry - about this cupboard. Your aunt and I have been thinking...you're really getting a bit big for it...we think it might be nice if you moved into Dudley's second bedroom."**

The Lupin's kitchen suddenly erupted with the four boys disgust.  
"Second bedroom!"  
"Wait a second. My only son is in a CUPBOARD, and the fat kid has two bedrooms?"  
"Of course he has a second bedroom, he can't fit in the other room." Remus stated darkly.  
"What a brat, no one in my family has a second bedroom. They may have big rooms, but still."  
"Well, at least it's not his room anymore." Peter said.

**"Why?" said Harry.**

"Why are you asking 'why'? TAKE IT WHILE THE OFFER'S THERE!" Peter yelled.  
"But what about the letter?" James and Remus asked.

**"Don't ask questions!" snapped his uncle. "Take this stuff upstairs, now." The Dursleys' house had four bedrooms: one for Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia, one for visitors (usually Uncle Vernon's sister, Marge), one where Dudley slept and one where Dudley kept all the toys and things that wouldn't fit into Dudley's first bedroom. It only took Harry one trip upstairs to move everything he owned from the cupboard into his room. He sat down on the bed and stared around him.  
Nearly everything in here was broken. the month-old cine-camera was lying on top of a small, working tank Dudley had once driven over next door's dog; in the corner was Dudley's first-ever television set, which he'd put his foot through when his favorite program had been cancelled; there was a large birdcage which had once held a parrot that Dudley had swapped at school for a real air-rifle, which was up on a shelf with the end all bent because Dudley had sat on it.**

"Stupid, fat, bully-like, klutz, person of doom." James was muttering, crossing his arms angrily.

**Other shelves were full of books. They were the only things in the room that looked as though they'd never been touched**.

"Oh, books?" Remus said, moving so that he could look over Sirius's shoulder. "What kind?"  
"Oh, Merlin, Moony, your drooling all over me." Sirius said

**From downstairs came the sound of Dudley bawling at his mother: "I don't want him in there ... I need that room**

"Sure you do."

**... Make him get out ..." **

"No!" The four boys yelled. 

**Harry sighed and stretched out on the bed. Yesterday he'd have given anything to be up here. Today he'd rather be back in his cupboard with that letter than up here without it.**

"Don't worry, kid. You'll get it."

**Next morning at breakfast, everyone was rather quiet. Dudley was in shock. He'd screamed, whacked his father with his Smeltings stick, been sick on purpose, kicked his mother and thrown his tortoise through the greenhouse roof and he still didn't have his room back. Harry was thinking about this time yesterday and bitterly wishing he'd opened the letter in the hall. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia kept looking at each other darkly.**

**When the post arrived, Uncle Vernon, who seemed to be trying to be nice to Harry, made Dudley go and get it. They heard him banging things with his Smeltings stick all the way down the hall. Then he shouted, "There's another one! Mr. H. Potter, The Smallest Bedroom, 4 Privet Drive -"**

"What are you doing! Don't be such a tattle tale! Give it straight to Harry."

**With a strangled cry, Uncle Vernon leapt from his seat and ran down the hall, Harry right behind him. Uncle Vernon had to wrestle Dudley to the ground to get the letter from him, which was made difficult by the fact that Harry had grabbed Uncle Vernon around the neck from behind.**

"Way to go Mini-Prongs!"

**After a minute of confused fighting, in which everyone got hit a lot by the Smelting stick,**

"Stupid stick." Sirius muttered.

**Uncle Vernon straightened up, gasping for breath, with Harry's letter clutched in his hand.**

**"Go to your cupboard - I mean, your bedroom," he wheezed at Harry. "Dudley - go - just go"  
Harry walked round and round his room. Someone knew he had moved out of his cupboard and they seemed to know he hadn't received his first letter. Surely that meant they'd try again? And this time he'd make sure they didn't fail. He had a plan.**

"Bum ba bummm!"  
"No, Pads, just, no."

**The repaired alarm clock rang at six o'clock the next morning. Harry turned it off quickly and dressed silently. He mustn't wake the Dursleys. He stole downstairs without turning on any of the lights.  
He was going to wait for the postman on the corner of Privet Drive and get the letters for number four first.**

"Hey, that is a good plan Except for the fact that the muggle post people don't send Hogwarts letters. But besides that..."

**His heart hammered as he crept across the dark hall towards the front door -  
"AAAAARRRGH"  
Harry leapt into the air - he'd trodden on something big and squashy on the doormat - something alive!  
Lights clicked on upstairs and to his horror Harry realized that the big squashy something had been his uncle's face. Uncle Vernon had been lying at the foot of the front door in a sleeping bag, clearly making sure that Harry didn't do exactly what he'd been trying to do. He shouted at Harry for about half an hour and then told him to go and make a cup of tea.**

"Go poison it, Harry!"  
"James!" Remus yelled. James looked sheepishly up at Remus.  
"Not, like, deathly poison. Just, you know, sickly poison."  
"what makes you think that he's any good with potions. You don't know a poison from an antidote!"  
"Yeah, but Lily does."  
"Oh, yeah. I forgot, Lily married you."  
"Moony, how could you forget something as important as that! It should be a treasured memory!"  
"More like a repressed memory."

**Harry shuffled miserably off into the kitchen, and by the time he got back, the post had arrived, right into Uncle Vernon's lap. Harry could see three letters addressed in green ink.  
"I want -" he began, but Uncle Vernon was tearing the letters into pieces before his eyes.  
Uncle Vernon didn't go to work that day. He stayed at home and nailed up the letter-box.  
See," he explained to Aunt Petunia through a mouthful of nails, "if they can't deliver, they'll just give up"  
"I'm not sure that'll work, Vernon"  
"Oh, these people's minds work in strange ways, Petunia, they're not like you and me," said Uncle Vernon, trying to knock in a nail with the piece of fruitcake Aunt Petunia had just brought him.**

"And you say that we're strange? At least we don't nail things with fruitcake!"  
"Unless, of course, it was really bad fruitcake. Then you can nail it."

**On Friday, no fewer than twelve letters arrived for Harry. As they couldn't go through the letter-box they had been pushed under the door, slotted through the sides and a few even forced through the small window in the downstairs bathroom.**

**Uncle Vernon stayed at home again. After burning all the letters, he got out a hammer and nails and boarded up the cracks around the front and back doors so no one could go out. He hummed 'Tiptoe through the Tulips' as he worked, and jumped at small noises.**

"Boo!" James said, poking Peter.  
"Aah, no, you scared me." Peter joked, throwing his arms into the air.

**On Saturday, things began to get out of hand. Twenty-four letters to Harry found their way into the house, rolled up and hidden inside each of the two dozen eggs that their very confused milkman had handed Aunt Petunia through the living-room window. While Uncle Vernon made furious telephone calls to the post office and the dairy trying to find someone to complain to, Aunt Petunia shredded the letters in her food processor.**

"The food processor? Why not rip it up like us NORMAL people?"  
"How about not ripping it up at all?"

**"Who on earth wants to talk to you this badly?" Dudley asked Harry in amazement.**

**On Sunday morning, Uncle Vernon sat down at the breakfast table looking tired and rather ill, but happy.**

**"No post on Sunday's," he reminded them happily as he spread marmalade on his newspapers, "no damn letters today -"**

"Why?" Sirius asked.  
"Muggles don't get the mail on Sunday." Remus answered.  
"Oh, that weird. Why?"  
"Why that's weird?"  
"No, why don't they?"  
"I don't know!"  
"Why?"  
"No, don't even start."  
"Why?"  
"Sirius!"  
" What?"  
"Stop. Seriously, stop."  
"Why?  
"Because if you don't, I will play'It's a Small world after all' song until it is permanently in your head."

**Something came whizzing down the kitchen chimney as he spoke and caught him sharply on the back of the head. Next moment, thirty or forty letters came pelting out of the fireplace like bullets. The Dursleys ducked, but Harry leapt into the air trying to catch one**

"Yes, now read it. Quickly!"

**"Out! OUT!" Uncle Vernon seized Harry around the waist and threw him into the hall.**

"What! No one man-handles my son!"  
"Well, he just did. What are you going to do about it?"  
"I'm gonna, I'm gonna...ummm...hex him. Yes, that's what I'll do. And you people are going to join me."  
"Why?"  
"Sirius! No. Just read. Read, now!"

**When Aunt Petunia and Dudley had run out with their arms over their faces, Uncle Vernon slammed the door shut. They could hear the letters still streaming into the room, bouncing off the walls and floor.**

**"That does it," said Uncle Vernon, trying to speak calmly but pulling great tufts out of his moustache at the same time. "I want you all back here in five minutes, ready to leave. We're going away. Just pack some clothes. No arguments!"**

"Don't argue with him. He's going quite mad!"  
"Yeah, he's a few croutons short of a salad."  
"And he's ripping out his walrus mustache."

**He looked so dangerous with half his mustache missing that no one dared argue. Ten minutes later they had wrenched their way through the boarded-up doors and were in the car, speeding towards the motorway. Dudley was sniffling in the back seat; his father had hit him round the head**

"Finally! Some well deserved violence!"

**for holding them up while he tried to pack his television, video and computer in his sports bag.**

**They drove. And they drove. Even Aunt Petunia didn't dare ask where they were going. Every now and then Uncle Vernon would take a sharp turning and drive in the opposite direction for a while.**

**"Shake 'em off ... shake 'em off," he would mutter whenever he did this.**

**They didn't stop to eat or drink all day. By nightfall Dudley was howling. He'd never had such a bad day in his life. He was hungry, he'd missed five television programs he'd wanted to see and he'd never gone so long without blowing up an alien on his computer.**

Well, you know what? Mini-Prongs does that all the time, and you don't see him go all 'poor me', now do you."

**Uncle Vernon stopped at last outside a gloomy-looking hotel on the outskirts of a big city. Dudley and Harry shared a room with twin beds and damp, musty sheets. Dudley snored but Harry stayed awake, sitting on the window-sill, staring down at the lights of passing cars and wondering...**

"What are you doing?"  
"Um, I'm reading, you see, that's what we've been doing all afternoon..."  
"Now, not you. Harry! He shouldn't be wondering. He should be planning."  
"Look at his last plan. He stepped on Dursley's face."  
"And you're saying that's a bad thing.

**They ate stale cornflakes and cold tinned tomatoes on toast for breakfast the next day. They had just finished when the owner of the hotel came over to their table.**

**"'Scuse me, but is one of you Mr. H. Potter? Only I got about an 'undred of these at the front desk"  
She held up a letter so they could read the green ink address:**

**Mr. H. Potter  
Room 17 Railview Hotel  
Cokeworth**

**Harry made a grab for the letter but Uncle Vernon knocked his hand out of the way. The woman stared.  
"I'll take them," said Uncle Vernon quickly, standing up quickly and following her from the dining-room.**

"Can't you just let Harry have the letter? Wouldn't it be easier?"  
"I think Harry will get his letter. I mean, the whole book is can't be about Harry not getting his letter, can it?"  
Yes it can. Just watch, Wormtail, I bet you that's how it's going to be." James said.

**"Wouldn't it be better just to go home, dear?" Aunt Petunia suggested timidly, hours later, but Uncle Vernon didn't seem to hear her. Exactly what he was looking for, none of them knew. He drove them into the middle of a forest, got out, looked around, shook his head, got back in the car and off they went again.  
The same thing happened in the middle of a ploughed field, halfway across a suspension bridge and at the top of a multilevel parking garage.**

"He's probably looking for some place to have a picnic."  
"Why would he want to have a picnic?"  
"I don't know! He's mad, remember?"

**"Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?" Dudley asked Aunt Petunia dully late that** **afternoon.**

"See! Even Dudley agrees with me."  
"I don't think that's something to be proud of."

**Uncle Vernon had parked at the coast, locked them all inside the car and disappeared.**

**It started to rain. Great drops beat on the roof of the car. Dudley sniveled.  
"It's Monday," he told his mother.  
"The Great Humberto's on tonight. I want to stay somewhere with a television."**

**Monday. This reminded Harry of something. If it was Monday -and you could usually count on Dudley to know the days of the week, because of television - then tomorrow, Tuesday, was Harry's eleventh birthday.**

"Happy birthday Harry!"  
"He can't hear you."  
"So? It's the thought that counts."

**Of course, his birthdays were never exactly fun -last year, the Dursleys had given him a coat-hanger and a pair of Uncle Vernon's old socks. Still, you weren't eleven every day.**

**Uncle Vernon was back and he was smiling. He was also carrying a long, thin package and didn't answer Aunt Petunia when she asked what he'd bought.**

"I wonder what that is."  
"Probably something Dursley like."  
"Well that sure narrows things down."

**"Found the perfect place!" he said. "Come on! Everyone out!"**

**It was very cold outside the car. Uncle Vernon was pointing at what looked like a large rock way out to sea.**

"I'm sorry? Did he just say that this was the perfect place?"  
"A giant rock in the middle of the sea?"  
"And it's Harry's Birthday!"  
"I guess he _has_ gone mad."

**Perched on top of the rock was the most miserable little shack you could imagine. One thing was certain, there was no television in there.**

**"Storm forecast for tonight!" said Uncle Vernon gleefully, clapping his hands together.**

"Oh, goody!" James said, clapping his hands. "Who doesn't like a good storm sailing?  
"I have an idea!" Remus said. "Obviously, Harry's not a storm person, like you Dursleys. How about you go on the rock in the storm, and Harry can go back home? It's a win-win situation."

**"And this gentleman's kindly agreed to lend us his boat!"**

**A toothless old man came ambling up to them, pointing, with a rather wicked grin, at an old rowing boat bobbing in the iron-grey water below them.**

**"I've already got us some rations," said Uncle Vernon, "so all aboard"  
It was freezing in the boat. Icy sea spray and rain crept down their necks and a chilly wind whipped their faces. After what seemed like hours they reached the rock, where Uncle Vernon, slipping and sliding, led the way to the broken-down house.**

**The inside was horrible; it smelled strongly of seaweed, the wind whistled through the gaps in the wooden walls and the fire-place was damp and empty. There were only two rooms.**

"Let's not stay here!" yelled Mrs. Dursley. "It's Harry's birthday, let's go to someplace better."  
"The book doesn't say that." Remus said, looking over Sirius's shoulder.  
"It should. These people are weird."

**Uncle Vernon's rations turned out to be a packet of crisps each and four bananas. He tried to start a fire but the empty crisp packets just smoked and shriveled up.**

**"Could do with some of those letters now eh?" he said cheerfully.**

"No! Stop being such a sadistic git."  
"You know, f there are a bunch of letters there, Harry might be able to get one without the Dursleys knowing."  
"Yeah, where are those letters? We need them!"

**He was in a very good mood. Obviously he thought nobody stood a chance of reaching them here in a storm to deliver post. Harry privately agreed, though the thought didn't cheer him up at all.**

**As night fell, the promised storm blew up around them. Spray from the high waves splattered the walls of the hut and a fierce wind rattled the filthy windows. Aunt Petunia found a few moldy blankets in the second room and made up a bed for Dudley on the moth-eaten sofa. She and Uncle Vernon went off to the lumpy bed next door and Harry was left to find the softest bit of floor he could find and to curl up under the thinnest, most ragged blanket.**

"You, Dursley, are the worst person to have ever walked on this earth."  
"Really? I wouldn't have guessed." Remus said, rolling his eyes.  
" I bet that even Lord..."  
" Don't say it!" Peter yelled.  
"...Voldemort even took lessons from you, and that's why he hates Muggles."  
"Wait, why does he hate Muggles?"  
"Because he hates the Dursleys, and the Dursleys are Muggles."  
"That makes sense."  
"Yes it does! Right, Sirius?"  
"No, not really."

**The storm raged more and more ferociously as the night went on. Harry couldn't sleep. He shivered and turned over, trying to get comfortable, his stomach rumbling with hunger. Dudley's snores were drowned by the low rolls of thunder that started near midnight. The lighted dial of Dudley's watch, which was dangling over the edge of the sofa on his fat wrist, told Harry he'd be eleven in ten minutes' time.  
He lay and watched his birthday tick nearer, wondering if the Dursleys would remember at all,**

"Not likely."  
"Unless that package was a present for Harry." James suggested.

**...wondering where the letter-writer was now.**

"Wherever his ism I bet he's writing letters."  
"Hey, do you think Dumbledore is still headmaster?"  
"I don't think so. I mean, he's getting pretty old."  
"No, he might have retired by now."

**Five minutes to go. Harry heard something creak outside.  
He hoped the roof wasn't going to fall in, although it might be warmer if it did. Four minutes to go. Maybe the house in Privet Drive would be so full of letters when they got back that he'd be able to steal one somehow.**

"No, Bobby Sue said that they follow you."

**Three minutes to go. Was that the sea, slapping hard on the rock like that? And (two minutes to go) what was that funny crunching noise? Was the rock crumbling into the sea?**

"I hope not!" James said, as Sirius started laughing.  
" Wouldn't it be funny, though? Watching the Dursleys get stuck in the water?"  
"And what about Harry?"  
"Oh, well, of course he's in the boat, laughing his head off as Dudders tries to swim."  
"But he weighs too much so he can't."

**One minute to go and he'd be eleven. Thirty seconds ... twenty seconds ... ten - nine - maybe he'd wake Dudley up, just to annoy him...**

Oh! Do that! That▓ll be so cool.

**...three...two...one...**

**BOOM.**

**The whole shack shivered and Harry sat bolt upright, staring at the door. Someone was outside, knocking to come in.**

"Who is it?" Peter and James asked.  
"There's no more."  
"What do you mean, there's no more?"  
"That's the end of the chapter."  
"But they can't just leave us here!" James shouted as he jumped up and started to pace.  
"Well, they just did."  
"Moony. Explain this to us." Peter demanded.  
"Explain what?" Remus asked, amused with his friends' reaction.  
"What they think they're doing." Sirius said.  
"Have you guys never heard of a cliffhanger?"  
"A what?" The other boys said  
"A cliffhanger. It's when the author writes a story, and then makes the most interesting part at the end of a chapter, so the reader wants to read some more."

The whole kitchen was completly quiet. Sirius looked from Remus, who looked smugged as usual when he says something that he thinks that even the average five year old should know, to Peter, who looked confused, and lastly to James, shaking his arms as if he wanted to hit something. Then he voiced out the one thing that the rest of them were probably thinking.

"Well, that's just stupid."  
Remus sighed. "If you really want to find out what happens, I would suggest reading the next chapter."  
"Ok. But I'm done reading. It's no fun trying to guess what will happen, when the answer is right there in front of you."  
Remus smiled. "I'll remind you that next time you want to copy my homework."  
"Hey, can I read it!" James said, standing up. "I want to find out, and I wont talk about italics and walruses like _some_ people I know."  
"Here!" Sirius said, tossing the book to James. "Now, get yourself comferable. It's going to take a lot of work. I'm not sure you can handle it."


	6. The Keeper of the Keys

**AN:** And the evil chapter of doom is finally DONE! yes. sorry about the wait...I swear, fanfics are not good for me, I read way more than I work...  
**Aspietutles: **Hey, you new! I'm glad you like it, and I'm planning to finish this book, and probably the second. I have no clue how to get past the third one, though, and make it believable. silly problems.  
**skulblaka222:** Welcome back. hmmm, updating skillz. always fun...  
**World Peace: **Hi! I'm glad you liked it so far.  
If anyone has any critique, just let me know. Come on, guys! I now I'm a new writer, but I can handle it. You can go all grrr on me.

**DISCLAIMER:** Gosh darn it, it would be cool to be JK Rowling. Soooo cool, I would actually know what I was doing. But I'm not, and so oh well. Goodbye, and enjoy.

**CHAPTER FOUR THE KEEPER OF THE KEYS**

"Please let the Boomers wake up Dudders, please, please, pretty please!" Peter said with his eyes screwed tight and his fingers crossed.  
"Who?" James asked.  
"The Boomers. Whoever is making the Booming sound. Wouldn't it be funny," Peter said, opening his eyes and looking over to James, "if they did? Because Harry was thinking about waking Duds before, remember."

**BOOM. They knocked again. Dudley jerked awake.**

"Yes!"

**"Where's the cannon?" he said stupidly.  
There was a crash behind them and Uncle Vernon came skidding into the room. He was holding a rifle in his hands-**

"What's that, Moony?" Sirius asked.  
"A rifle? It's a machine…like a wand, only it's used to hurt people."  
"Oi! What do you think you are doing, waving an evil killing thing around my son?" James shouted, jumping to his feet."  
"Didn't we already say that the Dursleys don't know how to think?"  
"This is not a joking matter, Wormtail. I don't know about you, but I don't like the idea that this…this…madman's going all 'goody-goody gumdrops, let's go hurt people' right at this moment."

-** now they knew what had been in the long, thin package he had brought with them.  
"Who's there?" he shouted. "I warn you - I'm armed!"  
There was a pause. Then -  
SMASH!**

"Looks like they have Smashers, too."

**The door was hit with such force that it swung clean off its hinges and with a deafening crash landed flat on the floor.**

"Goodbye door, hello stormy night wanderer of doom."

**A giant of a man was standing in the doorway.**

"Giant of a man, or man of a giant." Remus said mischievously.  
"What's that supposed to mean?" James asked.  
"Nothing, nothing."  
"No, seriously, what do you mean."  
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why are you bringing me into this?" Sirius asked.  
"I'm not bringing you into this."  
"Yes, you are! You said, and I quote, 'Sirius Lee'. So, what's your deal?"  
Peter rolled his eyes. "He meant seriously, as in not your name."  
"Now don't you dare get into this, Wormtail."  
"But your in this, Pads, so why can't I?"  
"Hey, can I not be in this." Remus asked. "In fact, how about I read for a while?"  
James nodded, and handed the book over to Remus, who immediately began to read.

**His face was almost completely hidden by a long, shaggy mane of hair and a wild tangled beard, but you could make out his eyes, glinting like black beetles under all the hair.**

"I wonder who this is."  
"Sarcasm was not needed, Wormtail." Sirius said.

**The giant squeezed his way into the hut, stooping so that his head just brushed the ceiling. He bent down, picked up the door and fitted it easily back into its frame. The noise of the storm outside dropped a little. He turned to look at them all.  
"Couldn't make a cup o' tea could yeh? It's not been an easy journey ..."  
He strode over to the sofa where Dudley sat frozen with fear.**

**"Budge up, yeh great lump," said the stranger.**

"He's NOT a lump." James shouted.  
"He's not?" Sirius asked ask Remus and Peter each gave their friend strange looks.  
"Well, no." James explained. "He's more of a bulge, don't you think."

**Dudley squeaked**

"Or he could be a mouse." Remus suggested.  
"And what is so wrong with mice?" Peter demanded.  
"They make…mice sounds?" Remus said meekly.

**and ran to hide behind his mother, who was crouching, terrified behind Uncle Vernon.**

**"An' here's Harry!" said the giant.**

"Where?" Sirius yelled.  
"Now, now, Pads." Peter mocked. "Sarcasm wasn't needed."  
"Of course it was! You just didn't notice it, but there was a giant window of sarcastic opportunity just saying 'Sirius, SIRIUS'."

**Harry looked up into the fierce, wild, shadowy face and saw that the beetle eyes were crinkled in a smile.**

**"Las' time I saw you, you was only a baby," said the giant. "Yeh look a lot like yeh dad, but yeh've got yer mum's eyes."**

"Her beautiful, emerald green eyes!" James exclaimed.  
Peter groaned. "Here we go again."  
"Giant pools of green light, all bright and…and light."  
"James, no poetry, please." Sirius said "You're embarrassing me."  
"And will always be in my sight."  
"And to which then they'll be in fright." Remus smirked.  
James glared darkly at them. "Can you at least admit that Lilly flower has the most beautiful eyes in all existence?"  
"Not unless we want to be beaten up by your jealous self." Sirius said. "If you would be so kind to take us out of our misery, Moony."  
"Gladly." Remus said, flipping through the pages.

**Uncle Vernon made a funny rasping noise.**

**"I demand that you leave at once, sir!" he said. "You are breaking and entering!"**

**"Ah, shut up, Dursley, yeh great prune," said the giant.**

**He reached over the back of the sofa, jerked the gun out of Uncle Vernon's hands, **

"Shoot him!" Peter yelled. "But not badly, just… somewhat hurtful and well deserving and whatnot." The others nodded, though not as enthusiastically as Peter was to see the giant become unnecessary violent. Not around Harry, at least.

**bent it into a knot as easily as if it had been made of rubber, and threw it into a corner of the room.**

"Or that. That works too."

**Uncle Vernon made another funny noise, like a mouse being trodden on.**

**"Anyway - Harry," said the giant, turning his back on the Dursleys, "a very happy birthday to yeh. Got summat fer yeh here - I mighta sat on it at some point, but it'll taste all right."**

**From an inside pocket of his black overcoat he pulled a slightly squashed box. Harry opened it with trembling fingers. Inside was a large, sticky chocolate**

"CHOCOLATE!" shouted Remus, who unfortunately had a bit of a chocolate addiction.  
"Oh, no. Don't get him started with this again." Sirius mumbled to James.  
"Remember that time on Halloween, when he won a huge bucket of chocolate frogs…"  
"…and had an over dosage in about five minutes? Yeah, I still have those blackmail pictures in a box at Hogwarts."

**cake with Happy Birthday Harry written on it in green icing.**

**Harry looked up at the giant. He meant to say thank you, but the words got lost on the way to his mouth, and what he said instead was, "Who are you?"**

**The giant chuckled.**

"**True, I haven't introduced meself. Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts."**

"Oh, I knew it. It's Hagrid. "

He held out an enormous hand and shook Harry's whole arm.

**"What about that tea then, eh?" he said, rubbing his hands together. "I'd not say no ter summat stronger if yeh've got it, mind."**

**His eyes fell on the empty grate with the shriveled crisp packets in it and he snorted. He bent down over the fireplace; they couldn't see what he was doing but when he drew back a second later, there was a roaring fire. It filled the whole damp hut with flickering light and Harry felt the warm rush over him as though he'd sunk into a hot bath.**

**The giant sat back down on the sofa, which sagged under his weight,**

"Be careful, Hagrid! Don't break the sofa." Sirius began. "Though, if he did break it, then the Dursleys would have to pay for it…"

**and began taking all sorts of things out of the pockets of his coat: a copper kettle, a squashy packet of sausages, a poker, a teapot, several chipped mugs and a bottle of some amber liquid which he took a swig from before starting to make tea. Soon the hut was full of the sound and smell of sizzling sausage. Nobody said a thing while the giant was working, but as he slid the first six fat, juicy, slightly burnt sausages from the poker, Dudley fidgeted a little. Uncle Vernon said sharply, "Don't touch anything he gives you, Dudley."**

"He must have known of Hagrid's cooking." Remus said.  
"Actually," James corrected. "His sausages aren't half-bad."

**The giant chuckled darkly.**

**"Yer great puddin' of a son don' need fattenin' any more, Dursley, don' worry."**

"Good job Hagrid!"

**He passed the sausages to Harry, who was so hungry he had never tasted anything so wonderful, but he still couldn't take his eyes off the giant.**

"Wow, James, and here I was thinking that you might have taught your kid some manners." Sirius began.  
"Though," Remus continued. "I'm not surprised. The way you just stare at Lilly all the time…"  
"We should have known that it would have rubbed off on poor Harry." Peter concluded.  
"Shut up, all of you."  
"Why should we?" Remus asked in a sing-song voice.  
"Aren't you supposed to be reading, Moony?"  
"Touchy."

**Finally, as nobody seemed about to explain anything, he said, "I'm sorry, but I still don't really know who you are."**

**The giant took a gulp of tea and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.**

**"Call me Hagrid," he said, "everyone does. An' like I told yeh, I'm Keeper of Keys at Hogwarts - yeh'll know all about Hogwarts, o' course."**

**"Er - no," said Harry.**

"Wait a second…" James muttered.

**Hagrid looked shocked.**

**"Sorry," Harry said quickly.**

**"Sorry?" barked Hagrid, turning to stare at the Dursleys, who shrank back into the shadows. "It's them as should be sorry! I knew yeh weren't gettin' yer letters but I never thought yeh wouldn't even know abou' Hogwarts, fer cryin' out loud! Did yeh never wonder where yer parents learnt it all?"**

**"All what?" asked Harry.**

**"ALL WHAT?" Hagrid thundered. "Now wait jus' one second!"**

"Exactly what Prongs just said." Peter yelled.

**He had leapt to his feet. In his anger he seemed to fill the whole hut. The Dursleys were cowering against the wall.**

**"Do you mean ter tell me," he growled at the Dursleys, "that this boy - this boy - knows nothin' abou' - about ANYTHING?"**

**Harry thought this was going a bit far. He had been to school, after all, and his marks weren't bad.**

"They're probably through the roof, if Lilly is his mother." Remus said.  
"If…if is good." Sirius said. "If can work for me."  
James glared. "What do you mean, 'if'?"  
'Not a clue, James-y Poo." Sirius laughed.

**"I know some things," he said. "I can, you know, do math and stuff.**

"So can a five year old, watch. One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten! Ten fingers are on my hand." Sirius said, waving said hands.

**But Hagrid simply waved his hand and said, "About our world, I mean. Your world. My world. Yer parents' world."**

**"What world?"**

"THE world. You know, like with water…" Sirius began.  
"And chocolate…" Remus said, eyes glazing over.  
"And my Lily flower…" James mumbled.  
"And the Macarena." Peter said.  
"Excuse me?" James said.  
"Ummm…hey, Moony! How about you keep reading, eh?"

**Hagrid looked as if he was about to explode.  
"DURSLEY!" he boomed.  
Uncle Vernon, who had gone very pale, whispered something that sounded like "Mimblewimble."**

"Yeah, you got to be a WIZARD to use spells."  
"Mimblewimble's a spell?" Peter asked  
"No, but that's not the point."

**Hagrid stared wildly at Harry.  
"But yeh must know about yer mum and dad," he said. "I mean, they're famous. You're famous."  
"What? My - my mum and dad weren't famous, were they?"  
"Yeh don' know ... yeh don' know ..." Hagrid ran his fingers through his hair, fixing Harry with a bewildered stare.  
"Yeh don' know what yeh are?" he said finally.  
Uncle Vernon suddenly found his voice.  
"Stop!" he commanded. "Stop right there, sir! I forbid you to tell the boy anything!"**

"Oi!" James shouted. "I think it's a bit late for that."

**A braver man than Vernon Dursley would have quailed under the furious look Hagrid now gave him; when Hagrid spoke, his every syllable trembled with rage.  
"You never told him? Never told him what was in the letter Dumbledore left fer him?**

"Oh, yeah." Peter said. "The letter. I forgot all about that."

**I was there! I saw Dumbledore leave it, Dursley! An' you've kept it from him all these years?"  
"Kept what from me?" said Harry eagerly.  
"STOP! I FORBID YOU!" yelled Uncle Vernon in panic.  
Aunt Petunia gave a gasp of horror.**

"Look at Miss Drama Queen." James said.  
"Doesn't she remind you a bit of Melissa MacDonnald?" Peter asked.  
"Or Snape when the nurse makes him wash his hair." Remus said, smirking.  
"NO! Not the shampoo! Anything but the Shampoo!!" Sirius shrieked, throwing his hands in the air.

**"Ah, go boil yer heads, both of yeh," said Hagrid. "Harry - yer a wizard."**

"Wow. He doesn't beat around the bush, does he?"

**There was a silence inside the hut. Only the sea and the whistling wind could be heard.  
"I'm a what?"**

"And then Mini-Prongs suddenly realized that he was deaf."  
"Shut up, Pads."  
"What? I would think that Harry would have heard that he was a wizard."  
"Although" Remus said musingly, "He is Prong's son."  
"Oh yeah!" Sirius broke into a grin. "I forgot about that."  
"Just go back reading." James said, glaring at Sirius and Remus.

**"A wizard, o' course," said Hagrid, sitting back down on the sofa, which groaned and sank even lower, "an' a thumpin' good'un I'd say, once yeh've been trained up a bit. With a mum an' dad like yours, what else would yeh be? An' I reckon it's abou' time yeh read yer letter."**

"Finally."

**Harry stretched out his hand at last to take the yellowish envelope, addressed in emerald green to  
Mr. H. Potter, The Floor, Hut-on-the-Rock, The Sea. He pulled out the letter and read:  
HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY  
Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore  
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chr. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)  
Dear Mr. Potter,  
We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.  
Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July.  
Yours sincerely,  
Minerva McGonagall  
Deputy Headmistress**

"Oh, NOOOO!" Sirius yelled in horror. Quickly, the three other boys turned their heads and stared at him.  
"What?" Peter asked terrified.  
"McGargoyle is still teaching!"  
Rolling his eyes, James lightly slapped Sirius on his head. "And here I was thinking that it might be semi-serious."  
"But Jimmy" Sirius began. "I am Sirius, through and…"  
Remus interrupted Sirius and began to read again. After all, hearing the same joke at least ten times a day for the last five years kind of gets on his nerves.

**Questions exploded inside Harry's head like fireworks and he couldn't decide which to ask first. After a few minutes he stammered, "What does it mean, they await my owl?"**

"Wow. That's the first thing he came up with?" Remus asked.  
"I would have asked what the frik-frak was going on." James answered.  
"Frik-frak?" Remus asked.  
"It's a word. It's in the dictionary."  
"No it isn't."  
"Or how soon could he leave the Dursleys." Peter interrupted, not paying any attention to the small argument going on.  
"But then again, it IS James's kid." Sirius said.  
"Will you stop saying that? It's getting annoying."

**"Gallopin' Gorgons, that reminds me," said Hagrid, clapping a hand to his forehead with enough force to knock over a cart horse, and from yet another pocket inside his overcoat he pulled out an owl**

"Yeah, ummm, Hagrid? That's not where you put your owls."

-**a real, live, rather ruffled-looking owl - a long quill and a roll of parchment. With his tongue between his teeth he scribbled a note which Harry could read upside down:**

"Wish I could do that." James sighed. Sirius looked up quickly.  
"You mean you can't!"  
"No, I can't. I bet my Lily can." James eyes sparkled.  
"Well that's not good. Evan's is always around when I write notes, she probably read them." Sirius said.  
"So?"  
"So! Have you SEEN what I wrote in those? Those are private things that I didn't want some gossipy girl to read!"  
"Like how you still can't tie your shoes?"  
"It was a bow tie, Moony, and don't you forget it!"

**Dear Mr. Dumbledore,  
Given Harry his letter. Taking him to buy his things tomorrow. Weather's horrible. Hope you're well.  
Hagrid.**

**Hagrid rolled up the note, gave it to the owl, which clamped it in its beak, went to the door and threw the owl out into the storm. Then he came back and sat down as though this was normal as talking on the telephone.**

"Which really it isn't." James said.  
"Do you know what a telephone is, Prongs." Remus asked.  
"No. what's your point?"

**Harry realized his mouth was open and closed it quickly.  
"Where was I?"**

"In a hut, in the ocean. But you shouldn't go swimming today, there's a little thing called a storm outside."

**said Hagrid, but at that moment, Uncle Vernon, still ashen-faced but looking very angry, moved into the firelight.  
"He's not going," he said.  
Hagrid grunted.  
"I'd like ter see a great Muggle like you stop him," he said.  
"A what?" said Harry, interested.  
"A Muggle," said Hagrid. "It's what we call non-magic folk like them. An' it's your bad luck you grew up in a family o' the biggest Muggles I ever laid eyes on."  
"We swore when we took him in we'd put a stop to that rubbish," said Uncle Vernon, "swore we'd stamp it out of him! Wizard, indeed!"  
"You knew?" said Harry. "You knew I'm a - a wizard?"**

"Well, of course they knew! They're evil bas….some sort of word that I don't think that I am aloud to say…" Peter said as Mrs. Lupin, who had gone out to work on her garden, came bkck smiling.  
"Hello, boys! What are you doing?"  
"Oh, we're just reading a book." James said. "We….lost a dare." He explained as Mrs. Lupin gave the group a curious look.  
"Yeah!" Piped Sirius as he stood up. "Remus said that if we couldn't…ummm, what was it again, Remi?" Remus just shook his head, shocked.  
"Surly, you remember, Sirius?"  
"Yes, but you said it so…professionally."  
"Oh, well, I actually…forgot." Remus said meekly, looking up towards his mother.  
"Well, I'm off to the Johnstien's." she said breezily. "They need some help with their garden, someone planted hungry venomous tentacula and Marie was never the best in Herbology.  
The boys waited with baited breath until the soft pop of Mrs. Lupin signaled her disapparation.  
"Alright, then." Remus said. "Where were we?"

**"Knew!" shrieked Aunt Petunia suddenly. "Knew! Of course we knew! How could you not be, my dratted sister being what she was?**

"Excuse me?" James interrupted. "You sister is…"  
"The most beautiful thing in the world?" Sirius suggested.  
"You sun, moon, and stars in life?" Remus guessed.  
"Something else that is more metaphorically complimenting?" Peter asked.  
"…I mean, have you've seen her eyes! And her hair; bright, Gryffindor red hair! And her smile!" James rambled, a glazed look covering his eyes.

**Oh, she got a letter just like that and disappeared off to that - that school - and came home every holiday with her pockets full of frog-spawn, turning teacups into rats. **

"Ha! Look Jimmy," Sirius laughed. "Little sweet flower power girl is not as rainbows and sunshine as we thought."  
"Excuse me. Lily is perfect! And what have I've said about the whole 'Jimmy' thing?" James asked.  
"Sorry, I forgot. But listen, she's doing magic at home." Sirius explained. Which didn't help much, if James confused face started to rival that of Peter's during Potions.  
"Oh!" Remus said in realization. "And her parents are Muggles. That's almost against the law!"  
"Ok." James said. "Well, that just proves it."  
"Proves what?"  
"That Lily and I aren't as different as she thought. It's proof!"  
"Well, what are you going to do?" Peter asked. "Show her this book and say that you two were meant to be?"  
"Yeah, Prongs, I think she'll slap you rather than go out with you."  
"Who said anything about showing her this book, Pads?"  
"Well, what plan do you have?" Remus asked.  
"A good one. One full of extreme Marauder-ness and brilliance and sheer amazing skills of persuasion."  
"In other words," Sirius said. "You haven't made it yet."  
"I'm still working on the finer details."

**I was the only one who saw her for what she was - a freak! But for my mother and father, oh no, it was Lily this and Lily that, they were proud of having a witch in the family!"  
She stopped to draw a deep breath and then went ranting on. It seemed like she had been wanting to say all this for years.  
"Then she met that Potter at school and they left and got married**

"Oh! I figured it out!" James yelled.  
"What?" The boys asked.  
"Lily's sister, Patricia or what's-her-name liked me! She was jealous when Lily and I got married."  
"Prongs, I don't think…" Remus began, but Sirius interrupted him.  
"Of course that's it, Jimmy! She was just overly in love with you!" Sirius said with a fake smile plastered on his face.  
"What was that about?" Whispered Remus as they watched James grab a clean cup from the counter.  
"Come on, Moony! We have to keep his pride afloat somehow."  
"I don't know. Personally, I think it's going to overflow."  
"What'll overflow, Moony?" Peter asked, grabbing James's attention.  
"The water from Jimmy's glass. We think he'll fill it up too much."  
"So much for keeping his ego up." Remus muttered, looking for his page.

**...and had you, and of course I knew you'd be the same, just as strange, just as - as - abnormal - and then, if you please, she went and got herself blown up and we got landed with you!"  
Harry had gone very white.  
As soon as he found his voice he said, "Blown up? You told me they died in a car crash!"**

"Let me get this straight." Peter asked. "First, you and Lily were murdered by Lord Vol…evil person. Then you guys got caught up in a car accident. Now you blew up?"  
"That's a sensitive way to put it, Wormtail." James said sarcastically.

**"CAR CRASH!" roared Hagrid, jumping so angrily that the Dursleys scuttled back to their corner. "How could a car crash kill Lily an' James Potter? It's an outrage! A scandal!**

"Exactly! A car crash couldn't kill them!" Sirius yelled.  
"Yeah." James agreed, making faces at Peter.  
"Maybe a Siamese cat, but not a car. They're too, vroomy to kill."  
"A Siamese cat?" Remus asked as James started to sputter incoherently.  
"They're very dangerous. Haven't you seen that Disney movie? The one with the dogs and they eat spaghetti and the pretty ones live with cats?" Peter asked.  
"Nooooo." Remus answered.  
"Well, it was a scary movie. Take my word for it."

**Harry Potter not knowin' his own story when every kid in our world knows his name!"  
"But why? What happened?" Harry asked urgently.  
The anger faded from Hagrid's face. He looked suddenly anxious.  
"I never expected this," he said in a low, worried voice. "I had no idea, when Dumbledore told me there might be trouble gettin' hold of yeh, how much yeh didn't know. Ah, Harry, I don' know if I'm the right person ter tell yeh - but someone's gotta - yeh can't go off ter Hogwarts not knowin'"  
He threw a dirty look at the Dursleys.  
"Well, it's best yeh know as much as I can tell yeh - mind, I can't tell yeh everythin', it's a great myst'ry, parts of it ..."**

"Oooh, sounds exciting." Sirius said.  
"Shhh." James said. "No more interruptions. We're finally getting some answers, and I don't want to miss anything.

**He sat down, stared into the fire for a few seconds and then said, "It begins, I suppose, with - with a person called - but it's incredible yeh don't know his name, everyone in our world knows -"  
"Who?"  
"Well - I don' like sayin' the name if I can help it. No one does."**

"OK, so Lord Dead is involved."  
"Sirius! Shut Up!" James said.  
"Sorry. Had to say it."

"**Why not?"  
"Gulpin' gargoyles, Harry, people are still scared. Blimey, this is difficult. See, there was this wizard who went ... bad. As bad as you could go. Worse. Worse than worse.**

"Just say it how it is. Lord Grr went E.V.I.L."

**His name was ..." Hagrid gulped, but no words came out.  
"Could you write it down?" Harry suggested.  
"Nah - can't spell it. All right - Voldemort."  
Hagrid shuddered.**

As did Peter, while Remus gave a little half-flinch and Sirius and James exchanged glances.

**"Don' make me say it again. Anyway, this - this wizard, about twenty years ago now, started lookin' fer followers. Got 'em, too - some were afraid, some just wanted a bit o' his power, 'cause he was gettin' himself power, all right. Dark days, Harry. Didn't know who ter trust, didn't dare get friendly with strange wizards or witches...**

"But everyone's friends with us." Peter said.  
"I don't think we are that kind of strange." Remus answered.  
"Now shhh!" James whispered.

**Terrible things happened. He was takin' over. 'Course, some stood up to him - an' he killed 'em. Horribly. One o' the only safe places left was Hogwarts. Reckon Dumbledore's the only one You-Know-Who was afraid of. Didn't dare try takin' the school, not jus' then, anyway.  
"Now, yer mum an' dad were as good a witch an' wizard as I ever knew.  
Head Boy an' Girl at Hogwarts in their day!**

"No!"  
"Ha-ha, Jimmy. All your hard Marauder work was for nothing!"  
"But…but…why?" James asked. "What have I ever done to deserve this? Nothing! I made sure of it. And now…they go and hand me some award that I don't want! What about Moony?"  
"What about me?"  
"You a prefect, which means you're perfect. So why aren't you the Head Boy?"  
"Because…you are a bad influence on me?"  
"Then why in Merlin's name am I Head Boy?"  
"Just think of it this way, Prongs." Sirius said. "Now you get to hang out with Lily more!"  
"Oh." James said. "That's nice."  
"Can I read now?" Remus asked. "Thank you."

**Suppose the myst'ry is why You-Know-Who never tried to get 'em on his side before ... probably knew they were too close ter Dumbledore ter want anythin' ter do with the Dark Side. Maybe he thought he could persuade 'em ... maybe he just wanted 'em outta the way. All anyone knows is, he turned up in the village where you was all living, on Halloween ten years ago. You was just a year old. He came ter yer house an' - an' -"**

"Um, James? Are you sure you're ok?" Peter asked.  
"Read quickly. No talky." James said, waving a hand to Remus as another one discreetly brushed a tear away from his eyes.

**Hagrid suddenly pulled out a very dirty, spotted handkerchief and blew his nose with the sound of a foghorn.  
"Sorry," he said. "But it's that sad - knew yer mum an' dad, an' nicer people yeh couldn't find - anyway - You-Know-Who killed 'em. An' then - an' this is the real myst'ry of the thing - he tried to kill you, too. Wanted ter make a clean job of it, I suppose, or maybe he just liked killin' by then. But he couldn't do it. Never wondered how you got that mark on yer forehead? That was no ordinary cut. That's what yeh get when a powerful, evil curse touches yeh -took care of yer mum an' dad an' yer house, even - but it didn't work on you, an' that's why yer famous, Harry.  
No one ever lived after he decided to kill 'em, no one except you, an' he'd killed some o' the best witches an' wizards of the age - the McKinnons, the Bones, the Prewetts - an' you was only a baby an' you lived."**

"The McKinnons! He killed off the McKinnons!" Sirius yelled.  
"How could he get them? There the best Aurors I've ever seen. Dad talks about them all the time."

**Something very painful was going on inside Harry's mind.  
As Hagrid's story came to a close, he saw again the blinding flash of green light, more clearly than he had ever remembered it before - and he remembered something else, for the first time in his life - a high, cold, cruel, laugh.  
Hagrid was watching him sadly.  
"Took yer from the ruined House myself, on Dumbledore's orders. Brought yeh ter this lot ..."  
"Load of old tosh," said Uncle Vernon.**

"Whoa! I forgot about them." Peter said.

**Harry jumped; he had almost forgotten that the Dursleys were there. Uncle Vernon certainly seemed to have got back his courage. He was glaring at Hagrid and his fists were clenched.**

"Hey! Looks like there's going to be a fight." Peter said.  
"Ten sickles say Hagrid wins." Sirius muttered to Remus.  
"Ten sickles say Hagrid'll use magic." Remus whispered back.  
"Isn't he not aloud to use magic?" James asked.  
"I'll take it." Sirius said, shaking Remus's hand.

**"Now you listen here, boy," he snarled. "I accept there's something strange about you, probably nothing a good beating wouldn't have cured -**

"Except for the weird bruises and a couple of corrupted thoughts against a certain uncle."

**And as for all this about your parents, well, they were weirdoes, no denying it,**

"Hey, we are NOT weirdoes!" James yelled.  
"Yeah! Your just mentally different." Sirius said.

**and the world's better off without them in my opinion - asked for all they got, getting mixed up with all these wizarding types - just what I expected, always knew they'd come to a sticky end - "  
But at that moment, Hagrid leapt up from the sofa and drew a battered pink umbrella from inside his coat.**

"That's right, Hagrid, go attack them with the umbrella."

**Pointing this at Uncle Vernon like a sword, he said, "I'm warning you, Dursley - I'm warning you - one more word ..."  
In danger of being speared on the end of an umbrella by a bearded giant, Uncle Vernon's courage failed again; he flattened himself against the wall and fell silent.  
"That's better," said Hagrid breathing heavily and sitting back down on the sofa, which this time sagged right down to the floor.  
Harry, meanwhile, still had questions to ask, hundreds of them.  
"But what happened to Vol- sorry - I mean, You-Know-Who?"  
"Good question, Harry. Disappeared. Vanished. Same night he tried ter kill you. Makes yeh even more famous. That's the biggest myst'ry, see ... he was gettin' more an' more powerful - why'd he go? Some say he died.**

"And no one's complaining about it."

**Codswallop, in my opinion. Dunno if he had enough human left in him to die.**

"Wow. Way to kill the happiness."

**Some say he's still out there, bidin' his time, like, but I don' believe it. People who were on his side came back ter ours. Some of 'em came outta kinda trances. Don' reckon they could've done if he was comin' back. Most of us reckon he's still out there somewhere but lost his powers. Too weak to carry on. 'Cause somethin' about you finished him, Harry. There was somethin' goin' on that night he hadn't counted on - I dunno what it was, no one does - but somethin' about you stumped him, all right."  
Hagrid looked at Harry with warmth and respect blazing in his eyes, but Harry, instead of feeling pleased and proud, felt quite sure there had been a horrible mistake.**

**A wizard? Him? How could he possibly be? He'd spent his life being clouted by Dudley and bullied by Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon; if he was really a wizard, why hadn't they been turned into warty toads every time they'd tried to lock him in his cupboard?**

"No, you see, that's too unimaginative, turning people into toads. Try something better." James said.  
"Like what?"  
"Like a…piece of cake! Yeah, because I don't think the Dursleys ever gave Harry anything nice, because he's my son and they're just too Dursley-like to get over it. And…so…ummm….where was I going with this?"  
"No idea." Peter said, confused written all over his face.  
"But good try, you know." Remus said.  
"But E for Effort and all that." Sirius said. "Unless, you want a golden star. Though I don't think there's one around."  
"You guys are the best, you know that."  
"Of course we do! That's why we're Marauders!"

**If he'd once defeated the greatest sorcerer in the world, how come Dudley had always been able to kick him around like a football?**

**"Hagrid," he said quietly, "I think you must have made a mistake. I don't think I can be a wizard."  
To his surprise, Hagrid chuckled. "Not a wizard, eh? Never made things happen when you were scared or angry?"  
Harry looked into the fire. Now he came to think about it ... every odd thing that had ever happened when he, Harry, had been upset or angry ... chased by Dudley's gang, he had somehow found himself out of their reach ...dreading going to school with that ridiculous haircut, he'd managed to make it grow back ...And the very last time Dudley had hit him, hadn't he got his revenge, without even realizing he was doing it? Hadn't he set a boa constrictor on him?**

"Your son's pathetic." Sirius said, making James head turn.  
"What? Why?"  
"Look at how quickly he changed from thinking he wasn't a wizard to believing that he is. How does he know that Hagrid wasn't making it up?"  
"Padfoot, all that stuff Hagrid just said is true."  
"Not the point, Moony. I mean, I could have said something like that to a kid if it helped me somehow."  
"No you wouldn't." Remus interrupted. "It's too smart for you."  
"Are you saying that I'm not smart, Moony?" Sirius asked.  
"Not at all. All I'm saying is that even if you did say something like that, it would take you five minutes to come up with it and then another five minutes to quit laughing at your 'genius'. By that time, the kid, and everyone else, would have left you for a lost cause. Or else they would have put you in an asylum. Whichever works."  
"You sure do know how to boost someone's confidence, Moony."  
"You don't need a confidence boost, Padfoot. Ever."

**Harry looked back at Hagrid, smiling, and saw that Hagrid was positively beaming at him.  
"See?" said Hagrid. "Harry Potter, not a wizard - you wait, you'll be right famous at Hogwarts."  
But Uncle Vernon wasn't going to give in without a fight. "Haven't I told you he's not going?" he hissed. "He's going to Stonewall High and he'll be grateful for it. I've read those letters and he needs all sorts of rubbish - spell books and wands and - "  
"If he wants ter go, a great Muggle like you won't stop him," growled Hagrid. "Stop Lily an' James Potter's son goin' ter Hogwarts! Yer mad. His name's been down ever since he was born. He's off terthe finest school of witchcraft and wizardry in the world. Seven years there and he won't know himself. He'll be with youngsters of his own sort, fer a change, an' he'll be under the greatest Headmaster Hogwarts ever had, Albus Dumbled - "  
"I AM NOT PAYING FOR SOME CRACKPOT OLD FOOL TO TEACH HIM MAGIC TRICKS!" yelled Uncle Vernon.**

"Oh, no. Bad Vernon, very bad." Sirius said as Remus softly growled in the corner about the multiple and unknown uses of a heavy book with pointy corners while James fumbled through the drawers, looking for some papers and a pen to take some notes.  
"There's one good thing about this." Peter said as he grabbed the book, which lay forgotten on the floor.  
"What?" Remus muttered.  
"Hagrid's not going to take this well, either." Peter said simply as he turned the page and began to read.

**But he had finally gone too far. Hagrid seized his umbrella and whirled over his head. "NEVER -" he thundered, "- INSULT - ALBUS - DUMBLEDORE - IN - FRONT - OF - ME!"  
He brought the umbrella swishing down through the air to point at Dudley -  
There was a flash of violet light, a sound like a firecracker, a sharp squeal and next second, Dudley was dancing on the spot with his hands clasped over his fat bottom, howling in pain.  
When he turned his back on them, Harry saw a curly pig's tail poking through a hole in his trousers.**

"HA! Told you that he'd use magic. You owe me ten sickles." Remus said, sticking his hand out.  
"No, I was the one who was betting on Hagrid." Sirius said.  
"Er, no you weren't. I was, right Prongs." James shook his head.  
"You guys a re ruining a beautiful moment, you know."  
"Sorry about that." Sirius said, and then quickly added. "Moment's over. Who bet what?"  
"Didn't I say that Hagrid'll use magic?"  
"No, that's what I said."  
"No, you said that he wouldn't."  
"Are you sure, because I am sure I said that he would."  
"Well obviously your memory's a bit soggy."  
"SOGGY? That's the best you can come up with."  
"Peter, just read." James said. "We'll let them figure it out."

**Uncle Vernon roared. Pulling Aunt Petunia and Dudley into the other room, he cast one last terrified look at Hagrid and slammed the door behind them.  
Hagrid looked down at his umbrella and stroked his beard.  
"Shouldn'ta lost me temper," he said ruefully, "but it didn't work anyway. Meant ter turn him into a pig, but I suppose he was so much like a pig anyway there wasn't much left ter do."**

"Except turn him pink." Peter muttered.

**He cast a sideways look at Harry under his bushy eyebrows.  
"Be grateful if yeh didn't mention that ter anyone at Hogwarts," he said. "I'm - er - not supposed ter do magic, strictly speakin'. I was allowed ter do a bit ter follow yeh an' get yer letters to yeh an' stuff - one o' the reasons I was so keen ter take on the job -"  
"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.**

"Because he had an obsession with pigs." James said looking over his shoulder at Sirius and Remus, who were still bickering. "Do you think we should let them quit?"  
"No, we'll tell them what happened. There's not much left. And besides, you and I both know they'll be the best of friends in two minutes."

"**Oh, well - I was at Hogwarts meself but I - er - got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wand in half an' everything. But Dumbledore let me stay on as gamekeeper. Great man, Dumbledore."  
"Why were you expelled?"  
"It's gettin' late and we've got lots ter do tomorrow," said Hagrid loudly.**

"Because that's not a topic changer. I wonder why he got expel."  
" WAS EXPELLED, Wormtail." Remus said as he started to pace around Sirius, who was glaring in return.  
"Even when he has no idea what's going on and he's the grammar corrector." Peter muttered as he looked down at the page.

**"Gotta get up ter town, get all yer books an' that."  
He took off his thick black coat and threw it to Harry.  
"You can kip under that, he said. "Don't' mind if it wriggles a bit, I think I still got a couple o' dormice in one o' the pockets."**

"And that's it for the chapter." Petersaid, closing the book. "And now I would like a nap." He said as he transformed into a rat and, avoiding Remus's huge feet, scurried over into the Lupin's living room, where there was always a warm ray of sunlight. James also made his way to the living room, where he sat down in the huge armchair usually reserved for Mr. Lupin. Turning the pages, James jumped as he heard Sirius stomp into the living room and flop on the couch.  
"Everything ok?" James asked. Muttering about how 'the little know-it-all knows nothing'; Sirius just covered his head under a pillow. Which worked for James just fine. He wanted to try the whole 'read inside your head' Remus was always talking about.


	7. Diagon Alley

A/N So, it's been, what? A year? Hello again! I know I probably said this a thousand times before, but now I promise to finish this up before the end of June (at the most)

Yeah, so, you know the drill. If you have anything to say, from "hey, you mispelled Remus's name ten times!" to...well, anything, just tell me.

**skulblaka222: **Hi! I'm back. And really, thanks for all the happy little replies/ inputs/stuffs. I'm glad that you like the last chapters, I hope to make these last...13 even better.

**world peace: **Hey, what's up? Here's hoping that you'll enjoy these chapters too!

DISCLAIMER: If I was J.K. Rowling, I wouldn't have to worry about a US History exam, or homework, or stuff like that,. So no, I do NOT own any of this.

James was not a scholar like Remus; reading was never a hobby of his. It took the same amount of focus and concentration that was usually reserved on the Quidditch field, however, it was easier to loose said focus and concentration while reading rather among the cheering fans. _At least_, James thought, _I'm not like Sirius, who'll start yelling how he hears voices in his head._ No, what James needed was some peace and quiet, a small cozy bubble free from the chaos of the Marauders.

Looking around, James realized this was just what he had. With Peter sleeping in his animagus form, (and thank Merlin for that! How Peter managed to snore loud enough to wake the entire Gryffindor tower and stay asleep befuddled James to no end.), and Sirius quiet mutterings turning into whispers; and Remus's staying upstairs, doing whatever he does upstairs, James had the perfect opportunity to at least read a few pages ahead.

**CHAPTER FIVE ****DIAGON ALLEY**

**Harry woke early the next morning. Although he could tell it was daylight, he kept his eyes shut tight.**

**"It was a dream," he told himself firmly. "I dreamed a giant called Hagridcame to tell me I was going to a school for wizards. When I open my eyes I'll be at home in my cupboard."**

**There was suddenly a loud tapping noise.**

**_"And there's Aunt Petunia knocking on the door," _Harry thought, his heart sinking. But he still hadn't opened his eyes. It had been such a good dream.**

**Tap-Tap-Tap!**

"Tappitty-tap-tap!" Said a voice from right behind James's head.

"Sirius." James groaned. So much for getting a few pages ahead. "What are you doing?"

"What, did I scare you?"

"What, did you just not answer my question?"

"I'm commenting. Keep reading."

"Alright," James said, smirking. After all, Sirius didn't say to read out loud.

**"All right," Harry mumbled, "I'm getting up."**

**He sat up and Hagrid's heavy coat fell off him. The hut was full of sunlight, the storm was over, Hagrid himself was asleep on the collapsed**

"You aren't funny, you know." Sirius said, grabbing the book. "I asked you to read."

"I _am _reading." James smirked at Sirius, who was trying his best to glare (which was a .001 on the official Marauder glare-o-meter). "You know, you would look scarier if you weren't smiling."

****

He sat up and Hagrid's heavy coat fell off him. The hut was full of sunlight, the storm was over, Hagrid himself was asleep on the collapsed sofa, and there was an owl rapping its claw on the window, a newspaper held in its beak.

Harry scrambled to his feet, so happy he felt as though a large balloon was swelling inside him.

"Um, and why, exactly, would having a balloon inside you make you happy?"

"It's a figure of speech, Pads" Said Remus as he came down the stairs, a book in his hand.

"Moony, I know this is hard for you, but shut up."

**He went straight to the window and jerked it open. The owl swooped in and dropped the newspaper on top of Hagrid, who didn't wake up. The owl then fluttered onto the floor and began to attack Hagrid's coat.**

**"Don't do that."**

"Because that'll help loads." Sirius said sarcastically.

**Harry tried to wave the owl out of the way, but it snapped its beak fiercely at him and carried on savaging the coat.**

"I am so good at predicting things." Sirius said.

"And the fact that you probably read ahead is just a coincidence" Remus said from the couch.

**"Hagrid!" said Harry loudly. "There's an owl -"**

**"Pay him," Hagrid grunted into the sofa.**

**"What?"**

**"He wants payin' fer deliverin' the paper. Look in the pockets."**

"How does he know?"

"Know?" James asked

"About the owl, I mean, it could want to just, you know, eat Hagrid's jacket."

"Who would want to eat his jacket?" James asked

"The owl just brought the paper. Obviously, Hagridalways gets the paper from this owl, and he knows from experience that it'll want to be paid." Remus said, flipping the pages of a book that had a familiar black haired kid on the cover.

"Remus?" James asked.

"Mhh?"

"Don't tell me you're reading one of the other books."

"Well,"

"Moony," Sirius moaned. "We didn't even finish this one."

"So?" Remus asked, angrily.

"So we didn't finish this one yet."

"You've said that already."

Moony, why are you reading another book?" James asked.

"What, you don't want to see if Harry lives in the end?"

"You're reading the LAST BOOK?" Sirius shouted.

"Well, if it makes you feel better, he lives."

"Thanks Moony," Sirius groaned. "Now the whole story is ruined."

James just laughed at them as he continued to read.

****

Hagrid's coat seemed to be made of nothing but pockets - bunches of keys, slug pellets, balls of string, mint humbugs, teabags ... finally, Harry pulled out a handful of strange-looking coins.

"Give him five Knuts," said Hagrid sleepily.

"Knuts?"

"You know, nuts. The things you eat, like penuts and walnuts and hazelnuts..."

"Pads..."

"...and amlonds too. those don't say their nuts, though, their in denial."

"Padfoot, please, can you not talk anymore"

"And you know what I told them? I said that the first step to rehabilitation is to admit your crazy. Then I ate them. I was kinda hungry...What?" he said, looking around at Remus's face. "I know what your about to say. I'm not crazy. Really, I'm not."

**"The little bronze ones."**

**Harry counted five little bronze coins and the owl held out its leg so Harry could put the money into a small leather pouch tied to it. Then it flew out through the open window.**

**Hagrid yawned loudly, sat up and stretched.**

**"Best be off, Harry, lots ter do today, gotta get up terLondon an' buy all yer stuff fer school."**

"Hey! School shopping. Isn't that like your Christmas, Moony?" Sirius asked.

"Ha, ha, ha… no."

****

Harry was turning over the wizard coins and looking at them. He had just thought of something which made him feel as though the happy balloon inside him had got a puncture.

"Thank Merlin. That could have definitely led to some serious internal problems."

"Sirius, when are you going to get it through your head? It's a FIGURE of SPEECH."

"Whatever you say. I'm just glad that young Mini-prongs is not going to die from an attack of evil balloons."

"Well, you don't have to worry about that," said Remus. "I read some of the last book, and it said Harry lives."

"So?"

"So he's not going to die from balloon exposure."

"But did that book say that he wasn't _attacked_ by balloons?"

**"Um - Hagrid?"**

**"Mm?" said Hagrid, who was pulling on his huge boots.**

**"I haven't got any money - and you heard** Uncle Idiot last night

"It doesn't say that!" Remus said.

"Does it matter?" James asked, then continued on**.**

**.****... he won't pay for me to go and learn magic."**

**Don't worry about that," said Hagrid, standing up and scratching his head. "D'ye think year parents didn't leave yeh anything?"**

**"But if their house was destroyed -"**

**"They didn't keep their gold in the house, boy!**

"What about James's Piggy Bank? The one in the shape of a snitch!"

"Yeah, what about my Piggy Bank?"

"Prongs, I'm sure you either got rid of it, or it was destroyed with the house."

James sighed. "Well doesn't THAT just make my day." he said sarcastically.

**Nah, first stop fer us is Gringotts. Wizards' bank. Have a sausage, they're not bad cold - an' I wouldn' say no teh a bit o' yer birthday cake, neither.**

**"Wizards have banks?"**

**Just the one. Gringotts.**

"They still have just one?" Remus said, somewhat shocked.

"What's so wrong with just one bank?" James asked.

"Honestly, don't you two ever pay attention?" The look on the two boys faces were all the confirmation he needed. "Ok, long story short, there were problems with the banks in the 1930's. And when I say problems, I mean globally, international chaotic problems.

"Our kind of chaos or the bad kind?" Sirius asked.

"What do you think?"

"Oh, come on, Moony! You know I can't think."

**Run by goblins."**

**Harry dropped the bit of sausage he was holding.**

**"Goblins?"**

**"Yeah - so yeh'd be mad ter try an' rob it, I'll tell yeh that. Never mess with goblins, Harry. Gringotts is the safest place in the world fer anything yeh want ter keep safe - 'cept maybe Hogwarts.**

"Bum, ba buuuuum!"

**As a matter o' fact, gotta visit Gringotts anyway. Fer Dumbledore. Hogwarts business." Hagrid drew himself up proudly. "He usually gets me ter do important stuff fer him. Fetchin' you -**

"Yeah, because babysitting some kid is real important."

"Um, Prongs, that's your kid."

"I know, Pads. He's MY son; he can take care of himself. Do you know why?"

"No, tell us." Remus said, rolling his eyes. James ignored him.

"Because he's made of win and fun, just like me. That's why."

**gettin' things from Gringotts - knows he can trust me, see."**

**"Got everythin'? Come on, then."**

**Harry followed Hagrid out on to the rock. The sky was quite clear now and the sea gleamed in the sunlight. The boat Uncle Vernon had hired was still there, with a lot of water in the bottom after the storm.**

**"How did you get here?" Harry asked, looking around for another boat.**

**"Flew," said Hagrid.**

**"_Flew?"_**

_"Flew!"_ The boys repeated.

****

"Yeah - but we'll go back in this. Not s'pposed ter use magic now I've got yeh."

"So how do you fly with magic?" James asked. The other two boys just looked at him. "No, seriously…"

"Yes?" Answered Sirius. Remus sighed.

"No matter how much you may deny it, your middle name is NOT Lee, Pads." He said. "And Prongs, I thought you would have known."

"Known what?"

"Well, let me put it to you this way," Sirius said, pacing. "What is made of wood, flies, and is the objection to your obsession?"

"A broom?" James asked. Sirius nodded. "Good, because I thought you were going to say Lily."

"Lily doesn't know how to fly."

"And, surprisingly, she's not made of wood either."

Sirius gasped. "She isn't?"

"But wait a minute, Prongs." Remus said. "Wouldn't a broom be nearby if he flew on one?"

"Oh."

"The plot thickens," James said, turning the page.

"I don't think that a missing broom is considered a plot thickener." Remus said.

"Well, I didn't think that you would ever say plot thickener, but we're not always right, now are we?" Sirius interrupted.

**They settled down in the boat, Harry still staring at Hagrid, trying to imagine him flying.**

**"Seems a shame ter row, though," said Hagrid, giving Harry another of his sideways looks. "If I was ter - er - speed things up a bit, would yeh mind not mentionin' it at Hogwarts?"**

"Come on Harry, be a rule breaker, make your old man proud."

"You know you just called yourself old, right?"

"Okay, make your young dad proud!"

"He's actually just five years younger…"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Um…whatever's on the page would be nice**."**

**"Of course not," said Harry, eager to see more magic.**

"Good boy."

"He's not a dog, Prongs."

**Hagrid pulled out the pink umbrella again, tapped it twice on the side of the boat and they sped off towards land.**

**"Why would you be mad to try and rob Gringotts?" Harry asked.**

**"Spells - enchantments," said Hagrid, unfolding his newspaper as he spoke. "They say there are dragons guardin' the high security vaults. And then yeh gotta find yer way - Gringotts is hundreds of miles under London, see. Deep under the Underground. Yeh'd die of hunger tryin' ter get out, even if yeh did manage ter get yer hands on summat."**

**Harry sat and thought about this while Hagrid read his newspaper, the _Daily Prophet_. Harry had learned from Uncle Vernon that people like to be left alone while they did this, but it was very difficult, he'd never had so many questions in his life.**

**"Ministry o' Magic messin' things up as usual," Hagrid muttered, turning the page.**

**"There's a Ministry of Magic?" Harry asked, before he could stop himself.**

**"'Course," said Hagrid. "They wanted Dumbledore fer Minister, o' course, but he'd never leave Hogwarts, so old Cornelius Fudge got the job. Bungler if ever there was one. So he pelts Dumbledore with owls every morning, askin' fer advice."**

**"But what does a Ministry of Magic do?"**

**"Well, their main job is to-**

"Mess up completely, break promises, and elect stupid people."

"Prongs, that's not in the book."

"It should."

"That, and the fact that last time the Muggles knew about us, they wanted to burn us or hang us or drown us."

"Really? I thought the reason was because they're just so boring."

**At this moment the boat bumped gently into the harbor wall. Hagrid folded up his newspaper and they clambered up the stone steps on to the street.**

**Passers-by stared a lot at Hagrid as they walked through the little town to the station. Harry couldn't blame them. Not only was Hagrid twice as tall as anyone else, he kept pointing at perfectly ordinary things like parking meters and saying loudly, "See that, Harry? Things these Muggles dream up, eh?"**

**"Hagrid," said Harry panting a bit as he ran to keep up, "did you say there are dragons at Gringotts?"**

"Pshh, no. It's against the law to have a dragon, the bank wouldn't do that."

**"Well, so they say," said Hagrid. "Crikey, I'd like a dragon."**

**"You'd like one?"**

"But, Hagrid! The law, think of the law!"

"Moony, I don't think that he's going to care about what the law says. Remember how he took in a Augurey in our second year?"

"Augurey's are NOT illegal, Padfoot!"

"Oh, just get over it."

**"Wanted one ever since I was a kid - here we go."**

**They had reached the station. There was a train to London in five minutes' time. Hagrid, who didn't understand 'Muggle money', as he called it, gave the notes to Harry so he could buy their tickets.**

**People stared more than ever on the train. Hagrid took up two seats and sat knitting what looked like a canary-yellow circus tent."Still got yer letter, Harry?" he asked as he counted stitches.**

**Harry took the parchment envelope out of his pocket.**

**"Good," said Hagrid. "There's a list of everything yeh need."**

**Harry unfolded a second piece of paper he hadn't noticed the night before and read:**

**HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY**

"AKA: Moony's Christmas list."

**Uniform**

**First-year students will require:**

**1. Three sets of plain work robes (black)**

**2. One plain pointed hat**

"Rainbow colored required."

****

(black) for day wear

3. One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)

(rainbow colored perfered)

4. One winter cloak (black, silver fastenings)

Please note that all pupils' clothes should carry name tags

Set Books

All students should have a copy of each of the following:

__

The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1)

__

A History of Magic

__

Magical Theory

__

A Beginners' Guide to Transfiguration

__

One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi

__

Magical Drafts and Potions

__

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

__

The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection

by Quentin Trimbleby Newt Scamanderby Arsenius Jigger by Phyllida Sporeby Emeric Switchby Adalbert Wafflingby Bathilda Bagshotby Miranda Goshawk

"Please note that, if you are going to do any damage to said books, do it in front of Madam Pince, in order to give her a well deserved heart attack."

"Pads, that's just wrong," James yelled.

"What? Remember that time when she gave us detention for two for talking?"

"No."

"Oh, well. Madam Pince gave us detention for talking."

"Actually, I think it was just you." Remus interrupted.

"Same difference."

**Other Equipment**

**1 wand**

**1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)**

**1 set glass or crystal phials**

**1 telescope**

**1 set brass scales**

**Students may also bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad**

**PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST-YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS**

**"**Wow, look at all this new stuff for Moony!"

"It's all the same thing, we've already have these things." Remus said. James grumbled. "What?"

"They _still _allow first years to bring a broom!"

"So?"

"So that means Harry can't have one!"

"So?" Sirius said.

"So that means that Harry's going to be more of a deprived child than ever before! And don't you dare say so again."

"And your point is?"

**"Can we buy all this in London?" Harry wondered aloud.**

"No, we just brought you here to see the pigeons."

**"If yeh know where to go," said Hagrid.**

**Harry had never been to London before. Although Hagrid seemed to know where he was going, he was obviously not too used to getting there in an ordinary way. He got stuck in the ticket barrier on the Underground and complained loudly that the seats were too small and the trains too slow.**

"Not the slow trains! Anything but the slow trains!"

"When are you going to shut up?"

****

"I don't know how the Muggles manage without magic," he said, as they climbed a broken-down escalator which led up to a bustling road lined with shops.

Hagrid was so huge that he parted the crowd easily; all Harry had to do was keep close behind him. They passed book shops and music stores, hamburger bars and cinemas, but nowhere that looked as if it could sell you a magic wand. This was just an ordinary street full of ordinary people. Could there really be piles of wizard gold buried miles beneath them? Were there really shops that sold spell books and broomsticks? Might this not all be some huge joke that the Dursleys had cooked up?

"No, their way too stupid to do something as awesome as this."

I**f Harry hadn't known that the Dursleys had no sense of humor, he might have thought so; yet somehow, even though everything Hagrid had told him so far was unbelievable, Harry couldn't help trusting him.**

**"This is it," said Hagrid, coming to a halt, "the Leaky Cauldron. It's a famous place**

**It was a tiny, grubby-looking pub. If Hagrid hadn't pointed it out, Harry wouldn't have noticed it was there. "**

That's the beauty of it! It's hidden in plain sight!"

"Not that it's magical, or anything"

"That's what I like to call a coincidence."

****

The people hurrying by didn't glance at it. Their eyes slid from the big book shop on one side to the record shop on the other as if they couldn't see the Leaky Cauldron at all. In fact, Harry had the most peculiar feeling that only he and Hagrid could see it.

"And that's why it's called magic."

"No, that is why it's called hidden-in-plain-sight." Sirius said quickly.

****

Before he could mention this, Hagrid had steered him inside.

For a famous place, it was very dark and shabby. A few old women were sitting in a corner, drinking tiny glasses of sherry. One of them was smoking a long pipe. A little man in a top hat was talking to the old barman, who was quite bald and looked like a gummy walnut. The low buzz of chatter stopped when they walked in. Everyone seemed to know Hagrid;

"Somebody's popular."

****

they waved and smiled at him, and the barman reached for a glass, saying, "The usual, Hagrid?"

"Can't, Tom, I'm on Hogwarts business," said Hagrid, clapping his great hand on Harry's shoulder and making Harry's knees buckle.

"Good Lord," said the barman, peering at Harry, "is this - can this be -?"

"Someone a thousand times more amazing than you?" James asked. " Yup."

****

The Leaky Cauldron had suddenly gone completely still and silent.

"Bless my soul," whispered the old barman. "Harry Potter ... what an honor."

He hurried out from behind the bar, rushed towards Harry and seized his hand, tears in his eyes.

"Welcome back, Mr. Potter, welcome back."

Harry didn't know what to say. Everyone was looking at him. The old woman with the pipe was puffing on it without realizing it had gone out. Hagrid was beaming.

Then there was a great scraping of chairs and, next moment, Harry found himself shaking hands with everyone in the Leaky Cauldron.

"Doris Crockford, Mr. Potter, can't believe I'm meeting you at last."

"So proud, Mr. Potter, I'm just so proud."

"Always wanted to shake your hand - I'm all of a flutter."

"I think Harry stole Hagrid's title for Most Popular of the Year."

****

"Delighted, Mr. Potter, just can't tell you. Diggle's the name, Dedalus Diggle."

"Deds! Shouted James. "Hey, kid! How've you been. Have any recent brainwaves on how to torture Slytherins?"

"Pads, you know he can't hear you, right?" Remus asked.

"Um, sure he can! He just doesn't want to answer back. You know, so I don't steal his ideas."

**"I've seen you before!" said Harry, as Dedalus Diggle's top hat fell off in his excitement. "You bowed to me once in a shop."**

**"He remembers!" cried Dedalus Diggle, looking around at everyone. "Did you hear that? He remembers me!"**

**Harry shook hands again and again - Doris Crockford kept coming back for more."**

**A pale young man made his way forward, very nervously. One of his eyes was twitching.**

"And since he was so twitchy" Sirius said, looking over James's shoulder, "They called him Quirrell. But no one knew why."

"Could it be because that's his name?" Moony asked, quietly.

**"Professor Quirrell!" said Hagrid. "Harry, Professor Quirrell will be one of your teachers at Hogwarts."**

**P-P-Potter," stammered Professor Quirrell, grasping Harry's hand, "c-can't t-tell you how p-pleased I am to meet you."**

**"What sort of magic do you teach, Professor Quirrell?"**

**"D-Defence Against the D-D-Dark Arts," muttered Professor Quirrell, as though he'd rather not think about it. "N-not that you n-need it, eh, P-P-Potter?" he laughed nervously. "You'll be g-getting all your equipment, I suppose? I've g-got to p-pick up a new b-book on vampires, m-myself." He looked terrified at the very thought.**

**But the others wouldn't let Professor Quirrell keep Harry to himself. It took almost ten minutes to get away from them all. At last, Hagrid managed to make himself heard over the babble. "Must get on - lots ter buy. Come on, Harry."**

**Doris Crockford shook his hand one last time and Hagrid led them through the bar and out into a small, walled courtyard, where there was nothing but a dustbin and a few weeds.**

**Hagrid grinned at Harry.**

**"Told yeh, didn't I? Told yeh you was famous. Even Professor Quirrell was tremblin' ter meet yeh - mind you, he's usually tremblin'."**

**"Is he always that nervous?"**

**"Oh, yeah, poor bloke. Brilliant mind. He was fine while he was studyin' outta books but then he took a year off ter get some first-hand experience... They say he met vampires in the Black Forest and there was a nasty bit o' trouble with a hag - never been the same since. Scared of the students, scared of his own subject **

"So that's why he's such a twitchy fellow."

**- now, where's me umbrella?"**

**Vampires? Hags? Harry's head was swimming.**

"You might want to get that checked, it could be fatal."

Remus sighed. "Padfoot, say this after me. IT. IS. A. FIGURE. OF. SPEECH!"

"YOU. SMELL. LIKE. A. PEACH!" Sirius yelled back.

"It's hopeless, Moony." James said. "His inner child's a five year old, it can't be helped."

****

Hagrid, meanwhile, was counting bricks in the wall above the dustbin.

"Three up... two across..." he muttered. "Right, stand back, Harry."

He tapped the wall three times with the point of his umbrella.

"I love Diagon Alley." Remus said. "So much stuff to buy, so little time."

"Pshh. You just like it because you read and get a heads start before school starts." James interrupted.

"I do not."

"Do too."

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do NOT!"

"Do TOO!"

"Well, what about that Quidditch store, eh? Don't you like that?"

"Yes, but that's different."

"Is not."

"Is too.

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"What are you yelling about?" Came a sleepy voice from across the room. Peter, who was sleeping in his animagus form, had transfigured back once he heard the commotion. "Don't tell my you've read without me!"

"Sorry Wormtail." Remus said. "You didn't miss much. Harry's just getting into Diagon Alley."

"And along the way, Harry's faced a yellow circus tent, ingested balloons, the Ministry of Magic, and a mob of fan girls."

"They were not fan girls, Sirius." James said.

"They acted like it." He said. "Oh, Harry Potter!" he said, mimicking the people in the Leaky Cauldron, except with a higher pitched voice. "I can't believe it's finally you. Oh my goshly goodness, you shook my hand! I will _never_ wash this hand again!"

"So, yeah. You didn't miss much." James said, before reading.

**"Yeah, you'll be needin' one," said Hagrid, "but we gotta get yer money first."**

**Harry wished he had about eight more eyes. He turned his head in every direction as they walked up the street, trying to look at everything at once: the shops, the things outside them, the people doing their shopping. A plump woman outside an apothecary's was shaking her head as they passed, saying, "Dragon liver, seventeen sickles an ounce, they're mad..."**

**A low, soft hooting came from a dark shop with a sign saying Eeylops Owl Emporium - Tawny, Screech, Barn, Brown and Snowy. Several boys of about Harry's age had their noses pressed against a window with broomsticks in it. "Look," Harry heard one of them say, "the new Nimbus Two Thousand - fastest ever -"**

James?" Sirius asked. "Can you stop drooling? It's kind of gross."

"It's a broom! It's the fastest nimbus broom."

"We kind of got that, Prongs." Peter said.

"Harry must have it!" James shouted, jumping up.

"And how do propose we give it to him, hmm?" Remus asked, grabbing the book out James's hands.

"With stealth and determination!" James said, looking proud of himself.

"Yeah, I don't think that's going to do it, Prongsy old pal." Sirius said. "Moony, if you could do the honors."

**There were shops selling robes, shops selling telescopes and strange silver instruments Harry had never seen before, windows stacked with barrels of bat spleens and eels' eyes, tottering piles of spell books, quills and rolls of parchment, potion bottles, globes of the moon ...**

**"Gringotts," said Hagrid.**

**They had reached a snowy-white building which towered over the other little shops. Standing beside its burnished bronze doors, wearing a uniform of scarlet and gold, was -**

**"Yeah, that's a goblin," said Hagrid quietly as they walked up the white stone steps towards him.**

**The goblin was about a head shorter than Harry.**

"Wow. Prongslet must be a midget or something, if the goblin's just a bit taller than him."

"Are you calling my son a midget?" James shouted.

"Are you changing his nickname?" Peter asked.

"Are you doing this on purpose, just to get Prongs angry?" Remus asked.

Sirius smiled. "Yes, yes, and of course." he said. "Pease continue, Moony."

****

He had a swarthy, clever face, a pointed beard and, Harry noticed, very long fingers and feet. He bowed as they walked inside. Now they were facing a second pair of doors, silver this time, with words engraved upon them:

"Hey, Moony?" Peter asked. "Can you skip this? We all know it by heart."

"Sure."

**_For those who take, but do not earn,_**

"That's not what skipping is, Moony." Sirius said. Remus just ignored him.

**__**

Must pay most dearly in their turn.

So if you seek beneath our floors

"No, seriously." James said.

"Yes?" asked Sirius innocently.

"Not you, I meant Moony!"

"But his name's not Seriously?"

"And neither is yours. You are SIRIUS. Spelled S.."

"W.H.I.C.H. space M.A.K.E.S. space A. space S.E.R.I.O.U.S space S.O.U.N.D." Sirius said.

"Wait, what?" Peter asked.

"I spelled what I was saying. Because James spelled my name."

**__**

A treasure that was never yours,

Thief, you have been warned, beware

Of finding more than treasure there.

"Yeah, there's caves and train tracks and little frogs." Peter said.

"Frogs?" The boys asked.

"Don't ask."

"I think we just did." James said.

"Well, pretend that you didn't."

**"Like I said, yeh'd be mad ter try an' rob it," said Hagrid.**

**A pair of goblins bowed them through the silver doors and they were in a vast marble hall. About a hundred more goblins were sitting on high stools behind a long counter, scribbling in large ledgers, weighing coins on brass scales, examining precious stones through eyeglasses. There were too many doors to count leading off the hall, and yet more goblins were showing people in and out of these. Hagrid and Harry made for the counter.**

**"Morning," said Hagrid to a free goblin. "We've come ter take some money outta Mr. Harry Potter's safe."**

**"You have his key, sir?"**

**"Got it here somewhere," said Hagrid and he started emptying his pockets onto the counter, scattering a handful of moldy dog-biscuits over the goblin's book of numbers. The goblin wrinkled his nose.**

"Good job, Hagrid. Gross the goblin out. That's just what he needs."

"Padfoot…" James warned.

"He's working all day; he deals with annoying customers and Muggles."

"How would he deal with Muggles? This is a wizard's bank!" Remus asked. "Key word: wizard's."

"And you know how Muggles are. They don't know what they're doing and they ask to go to the wrong safe and then they get eaten by dragons."

"I thought there were no dragons in Gringotts." Peter asked.

****

Harry watched the goblin on their right weighing a pile of rubies as big as glowing coals.

"Good job, Harry. Don't pay attention to Hagrid getting money out of your safe." Sirius said.

"Lets not start this again." James said.

"I mean, it's not like you don't know if Hagrid is the sort of person that would steal your money or anything." he said sarcastically.

"Moony, maybe if you just read he'll stop." Peter said.

****

"Got it," said Hagrid at last, holding up a golden key.

The goblin looked at it closely.

"Good job, random goblin guy."

"SHUT UP!" The boys said.

"What's wrong. Can't you take a joke?"

****

"That seems to be in order."

"An' I've also got a letter here from Professor Dumbledore," said Hagrid importantly, throwing out his chest. "It's about the You-Know-What in vault seven hundred and thirteen."

"Because that wasn't suspicious or anything."

"Yes it was!" exclaimed James. "It was one of the most suspisious things I've ever seen Hagrid do!"

"It's called sarcasm, Prongs."

****

The goblin read the letter carefully.

"Very well," he said, handing it back to Hagrid, "I will have someone take you down to both vaults. Griphook!"

Griphook was yet another goblin. Once Hagrid had crammed all the dog-biscuits back inside his pockets, he and Harry followed Griphook towards one of the doors leading off the hall.

"What's the You-Know-What in vault seven hundred and thirteen?" Harry asked.

"Can't tell yeh that," said Hagrid mysteriously.

"Bum, Ba buuuuum!"

****

"Very secret. Hogwarts business. Dumbledore's trusted me. More'n my job's worth ter tell yeh that."

Griphook held open the door for them. Harry, who had expected to see more marble, was surprised. They were in a narrow stone passageway lit with flaming torches. It sloped steeply downwards and there were little railway tracks on the floor. Griphook whistled and a small cart came hurtling up the tracks towards them. They climbed in - Hagrid with some difficulty - and were off.

At first they just hurtled through a maze of twisting passages. Harry tried to remember, left, right, right, left, middle fork, right, left, but it was impossible.

"It's not impossible," Sirius said. "I know mine!"

"Really?" Remus asked skeptically. "Well then, what is it?"

"Right, right, second to last left, middle fork, left, right, two loop-de-loops, a circle around the giant rock thing, left, right, right, right, which actually could be a left but whatever, left, straight, and then you would skid to a stop in front of safe 425."

"Wow, you really remembered it!"

"So you could always take your money if you wanted."

"Actually, no. I just made it up."

****

The rattling cart seemed to know its own way, because Griphook wasn't steering.

Harry's eyes stung as the cold air rushed past them, but he kept them wide open. Once, he thought he saw a burst of fire at the end of a passage and twisted around to see if it was a dragon, but was too late. They plunged even deeper, passing an underground lake where huge stalactites and stalagmites grew from the ceiling and floor.

"I never know," Harry called to Hagrid over the noise of the cart, "what's the difference between a stalagmite and a stalactite?"

Stalagmite's got an 'm' in it," said Hagrid. "An' don' ask me questions just now, I think I'm gonna be sick."

He did look very green and when the cart stopped at last beside a small door in the passage wall, Hagrid got out and had to lean against the wall to stop his knees trembling.

Griphook unlocked the door. A lot of green smoke came billowing out, and as it **cleared, Harry gasped. Inside were mounds of gold coins. Columns of silver. Heaps of little bronze Knuts.**

"All yours," smiled Hagrid

All Harry's - it was incredible. The Dursleys couldn't have known about this or they'd have had it from him faster than blinking. How often had they complained how much Harry cost them to keep? And all the time there had been a small fortune belonging to him, buried deep under London.

Hagrid helped Harry pile some of it into a bag.

"The gold ones are Galleons," he explained. "Seventeen silver Sickles to a Galleon and twenty-nine Knuts to a sickle, it's easy enough.

"Easy as last year's finals." James said.

"Urg. Let's _not _talk about those finals." Sirius said.

**Right, that should be enough fer a couple o' terms, we'll keep the rest safe fer yeh." He turned to Griphook. "Vault seven hundred and** **thirteen, now, please, and can we go more slowly?"**

**One speed only," said Griphook.**

"No, there isn't."

"There isn't?"

"No, there's actually ten speeds. But the one that they're going on is probably the slowest."

"Good to know."

**They were going even deeper now and gathering speed. The air became colder and colder as they hurtled round tight corners. They went rattling over an underground ravine and Harry leant over the side to try and see what was down at the dark bottom but Hagrid groaned and pulled him back by the scruff of his neck.**

**Vault seven hundred and thirteen had no keyhole.**

**"Stand back," said Griphook importantly. He stroked the door gently with one of his long fingers and it simply melted away.**

**"If anyone but a Gringotts goblin tried that, they'd be sucked through the door and trapped in there," said Griphook.**

**"How often do you check to see if anyone's inside?" Harry asked.**

**"About once every ten years," said Griphook, with a rather nasty grin.**

**Something really extraordinary had to be inside this top-security vault, Harry was sure, and he leant forward eagerly, expecting to see fabulous jewels at the very least - but at first he thought it was empty.**

**Then he noticed a grubby little package wrapped up in brown paper lying on the floor. Hagrid picked it up and tucked it deep inside his coat. Harry longed to know what it was, but he knew better than to ask.**

**"Come on, back in this infernal cart, and don't talk to me on the way back, its best if I keep me mouth shut," said Hagrid.**

**One wild cart-ride later they stood blinking in the sunlight outside Gringotts. Harry didn't know where to run first now that he had a bag full of money. He didn't have to know how many Galleons there were to a pound to know that he was holding more money than he'd had in his whole life - more money than even Dudley had ever had.**

**Might as well get yer uniform," said Hagrid, nodding towards Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. "Listen, Harry, would yeh mind if I slipped off fer a pick-me-up in the Leaky Cauldron? Hate them Gringotts carts." He did still look a bit sick, so Harry entered Madam Malkin's shop alone, feeling nervous.**

**Madam Malkin was a squat, smiling witch dressed all in mauve.**

**"Hogwarts, dear?" she said,**

"No, he's going to Beauxbatons." Sirius joked.

****

when Harry started to speak. "Got the lot here - another young man being fitted up just now, in fact."

In the back of the shop, a boy with a pale, pointed face was standing on a footstool while a second witch pinned up his long black robes

Madam Malkin stood Harry on a stool next to him, slipped a long robe over his head and began to pin it to the right length.

"Hullo," said the boy, "Hogwarts too?"

"Yes," said Harry.

"What else?"

**"My father's next door buying my books and mother's up the street looking at wands,"**

"Thank you for telling us your life story," Peter said.

"Though we didn't ask for it," said Sirius.

"Nor wanted to know," added James.

"Or even cared how your mother could even pick out a wand without you there." finished Remus.

****

said the boy. He had a bored, drawling voice. Then I'm going to drag them off to look at racing brooms. I don't see why first-years can't have their own.

Well, let me explain this to you." James said. "First years, by nature, are incredibly stupid. That being said only those in an unstable state of mind would ever allow a first year to own a broom, which could, if handled improperly, result in the injury or death of the rider or observer or innocent bystanders." The others just stared at him. "So, you like my Moony impression?"

"Not really, Prongs. It was slightly creepy."" Sirius said, grinning while Remus mumbled under his breath. "What _are_ you saying, Moony?"

Remus glared. "I don't sound like that!" He said.

"Yes, you do." Peter said.

"Since when?"

"Since forever."

****

I think I'll bully father into getting me one and I'll smuggle it in somehow."

Harry was strongly reminded of Dudley.

Have you got your own broom?" the boy went on.

"No," said Harry.

"Play Quidditch at all?"

"No," said Harry again, wondering what on earth Quidditch could be.

"WHAT!" Yelled James, jumping up. "How on earth could you _not_ know about Quidditch? It's only the only thing that makes life worth living!"

"What about our pranks? What about the Marauding legend?" cried Sirius.

"What about Lily?" said Remus, smirking.

"What about your life long dream to be on a Famous Wizard card?" asked Peter.

"None of that matters! Quidditch is _life_ itself! It's the one thing that drives all Potters! And now my own son doesn't even have a clue what he is missing!"

"Oh, what a deprived child." Peter said sarcastically.

"Like we didn't know already." Sirius answered.

****

"I do - Father says it's a crime if I'm not picked to play for my house, and I must say, I agree. Know what house you'll be in yet?"

"No," said Harry, feeling more stupid by the minute

"Well, no one really knows until they get there, do they, but I know I'll be in Slytherin,

"Oh, good. Then I don't have to feel guilty about hexing you until your hair is pink and your skin is polka dotted." James said.

"Don't you think that's a bit, you know, pathetic?" Asked Peter.

James snorted. "He's a first year. Let him learn how to do some magic and _then_ we can really curse him out."

"You know, he's not even born yet." Remus said. James frowned.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that."

****

all our family have been - imagine being in Hufflepuff, I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?"

"I'd leave if I was put in Slytherin." Sirius said, shuddering. "Imagine, living with Regulas and the rest for a whole year."

****

"Mmm," said Harry, wishing he could say something a bit more interesting.

"I say, look at that man!" said the boy suddenly, nodding towards the front window. Hagrid was standing there, grinning at Harry and pointing at two large ice-creams to show he couldn't come in.

That's Hagrid," said Harry, pleased to know something the boy didn't. "He works at Hogwarts."

"Good for you, Prongslet! Maybe that blonde will learn something useful!" Siruis yelled.

"Like how stupid it is to actually wish to go into Slytherin." Muttered James.

****

"Oh," said the boy, "I've heard of him. He's a sort of servant, isn't he?"

"Or, he could, you know, decide to be a git."

********

"He's the gamekeeper," said Harry. He was liking the boy less and less every second.

James sighed. "At least he has my wonderful character judgment. Now, how to tell you about Quidditch…"

"Wait a second." Remus said. "Since when have you ever been good at judging people?"

"Since forever, Moony."

"What about that time in our third year when you asked that kid to watch your broom before the first Quidditch match of the year and he went and broke it?"

"Hey, that's not my fault!"

"Or the time when you asked Mitchell Ryan to join us on one of our pranks and he told McGonagall and we had detention for a month?" asked Peter.

"Mitchell is such a sneak, I thought he would never…"

"Or all those times you've asked Lilly out and she completely embarrassed you?" asked Sirius.

"Does it really matter?"

"Yes!"

**"Yes, exactly. I heard he's a sort of savage -lives in a hut in the school grounds and every now and then he gets drunk, tries to do magic and ends up setting fire to his bed."**

**"I think he's brilliant," said Harry coldly.**

**"Do you?" said the boy, with a slight sneer. "Why is he with you?**

"Because he doesn't want to be with you!"

**Where are your parents?"**

**"They're dead," said Harry shortly. He didn't feel much like going into the matter with this boy.**

**"Oh, sorry," said the other, not sounding sorry at all. "But they were our kind, weren't they?"**

**__**

Enter, stranger, but take heed

Of what awaits the sin of greed

"You know, this kid really should be in Slytherin." Sirisu said slowly. "He's stupid, spoiled, and sneering. All characteristics of a true Slytherin.

****

They were a witch and wizard, if that's what you mean."

I really don't think they should let the other sort in, do you? They're just not the same, they've never been brought up to know our ways. Some of them have never even heard of Hogwarts until they get the letter, imagine. I think they should keep it in the old wizarding families. What's your surname, anyway?"

"And he's obsessed with blood types and family names. He might as well be related to me!" Sirius muttered. "He sounds exactly like my cousin Bella."

****

Before Harry could answer, Madam Malkin said, "That's you done, my dear,"

"Thank you Madam Malkin."

**and Harry, not sorry for an excuse to stop talking to the boy, hopped down from the footstool.**

**"Well, I'll see you at Hogwarts, I suppose," said the drawling boy.**

**Harry was rather quiet as he ate the ice cream Hargid bought him (chocolate and raspberry with chopped nuts).**

**"What's up?" said Hagrid.**

**"Nothing," Harry lied. They stopped to buy parchment and quills. Harry cheered up a bit when he found a bottle of ink that changed color as you wrote.**

**When they had left the shop, he said, "Hagrid, what's Quidditch?"**

**"Blimey, Harry, I keep forgettin' how little yeh know - not knowin' about Quidditch!"**

"Don't make me feel worse." groaned James.

**"Don't make me feel worse," said Harry. He told Hagrid about the pale boy in Madam Malkin's.**

**"-and he said people from Muggle families shouldn't even be allowed in -"**

**"Yer not from a Muggle family. If he'd known who yeh were - he's grown up knowin' yer name if his parents were wizardin' folk - you saw 'em in the Leaky Cauldron. Anyway, what does he know about it, some o' the best I ever saw were the only ones with magic in 'em in a long line o' Muggles - look at yer mum!**

**Look at what she had fer a sister!"**

****

"So what is Quidditch?"

It's our sport, wizard sport. It's like - like soccer in the Muggle world

"Hagrid! How could you! Desecrate the noble and admirable pastime that is Quidditch by comparing it to this 'soccer.'" James ranted, pacing angrily on the carpet. "'Like soccer', Hagrid? There is no game in the world that shares even an inkling similarity towards Quidditch, let alone some Muggle game!"

"Hey, Prongs, don't you think you're going a little too far there?" Remus asked.

"They don't even play on brooms! How barbaric can one be?"

"Seriously, Prongsy ol' pal, the whole Quidditch speech can wait until tomorrow. Or after eternity." Peter muttered.

"So now I ask you, traitorous gamekeeper we affectionately call Hagrid, will you willfully and intentionally rot this young, innocent son's mind…"

"He's a Marauders son, James! NO MARAUDER IS INNOCENT!" Sirius yelled angrily.

"…with such horrendous and despicable lies? It is an abomination to your reputation, to the wizarding society, and to the world at large!"

"You know, if you take that effort into your homework, you might actually stop failing."

"Shut up, Moony."

****

- everyone follows Quidditch - played up in the air on broomsticks and there's four balls - sorta hard ter explain the rules."

"And what are Slytherin and Hufflepuff?"

"School houses. There are four. Everyone says Hufflepuff are a lot o' duffers, but -"

"I bet I'm in Hufflepuff," said Harry gloomily.

"Better Hufflepuff than Slytherin," said Hagrid darkly. "There's not a single witch or wizard who went bad who wasn't in Slytherin. You-Know-Who was one."

"Hey, would you look at that. Voldemort was in Slytherin, and he turned out to be, what we kids on the street say, _evil. _And Snape is in Slytherin."

"Hey, would you look at that. Voldemort was in Slytherin, and he turned out to be, what we kids on the street say, _evil. _And Snape is in Slytherin."

"Coincidence?" James asked Sirius.

"I think not!" They yelled in unison.

**"Vol - sorry - You-Know-Who was at Hogwarts?"**

**"Years an' years ago," said Hagrid.**

**They bought Harry's school books in a shop called Flourish and Blotts where the shelves were stacked to the ceiling with books as large as paving stones bound in leather; books the size of postage stamps in covers of silk; books full of peculiar symbols and a few books with nothing in them at all. **

"Books with nothing in tham at all?" Sirius asked, jumping to his feet. "I, Sirius Lee Awe Some Black, hereby dub thee, Notebook!" He proclaimed, mock knighting an invisible notebook. "Arise, ye of no words, and we shall have many adventures with Sirs Quill and Ink."

**Even Dudley, who never read anything, would have been wild to get his hands on some of these.**

**Hagrid almost had to drag Harry away from Curses and Counter-Curses (Bewitch your Friends and Befuddle your Enemies with the Latest Revenges: Hair Loss, Jelly-Legs, Tongue-Tying and much, much more) by Professor Vindictus Viridian.**

**"I was trying to find out how to curse Dudley."**

The boys cheered. It seemed like Harry was going to be a model example of a second generation Marauder.

****

"I'm not sayin' that's not a good idea, but yer not ter use magic in the Muggle world except in very special circumstances," said Hagrid. "An' anyway, yeh couldn' work any of them curses yet, yeh'll need a lot more study before yeh get ter that level."

Hagrid wouldn't let Harry buy a solid gold cauldron, either ("It says pewter on yer list"),but they got a nice set of brass scales for weighing potion ingredients and a collapsible brass telescope. Then they visited the apothecary's, which was fascinating enough to make up for its horrible smell, a mixture of bad eggs and rotted cabbages.

Barrels of slimy stuff stood on the floor, jars of herbs, dried roots and bright powders lined the walls, bundles of feathers, strings of fangs and snarled claws hung from the ceiling. While Hagrid asked the man behind the counter for a supply of some basic potion ingredients for Harry, Harry himself examined silver unicorn horns at twenty-one Galleons each and minuscule, glittery black beetle eyes (five Knuts a scoop).

Outside the apothecary's, Hagrid checked Harry's list again.

"Just yer wand left - oh yeah, an' I still haven't got yeh a birthday present."

Harry felt himself go red.

"You don't have to -"

"I know I don't have to. Tell yeh what, I'll get yer an animal. Not a toad, toads went outta fashion years ago, yeh'd be laughed at -an' I don' like cats, they make me sneeze. I'll get yer an owl. All the kids want owls, they're dead useful, carry yer post an' everythin'."

"Hagrid?" James asked.

"Getting a normal pet?" Peter said, perplexed.

"What is this world coming to?" Shrieked Sirius in horror.

**Twenty minutes later, they left Eeylops Owl Emporium, which had been dark and full of rustling and flickering, jewel-bright eyes. Harry now carried a large cage which held a beautiful snowy owl, fast asleep with her head under her wing. He couldn't stop stammering his thanks, sounding just like Professor Quirrell.**

**Don' mention it, said Hagrid gruffly. "Don' expect you've had a lotta presents from them Dursleys.**

**Just Ollivanders left now - only place fer wands, Ollivanders, and yeh gotta have the best wand."**

**A magic wand... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.**

"Cue the suspense!"

**The last shop was narrow and shabby. Peeling gold letters over the door read Ollivanders: Makers of Fine Wands since 382 BC. A single wand lay on a faded purple cushion in the dusty window.**

**A tinkling bell rang somewhere in the depths of the shop as they stepped inside. It was a tiny place, empty for a single spindly chair which Hagrid sat on to wait. Harry felt strangely as though he'd entered a very strict library; he swallowed a lot of new questions which had just occurred to him and looked instead at the thousands of narrow boxes piled neatly right up to the ceiling. For some reason, the back of his neck prickled. The very dust and silence in here seemed to tingle with some secret magic.**

"Now, gradually, let the suspense crescendo into tingly, magical secretiveness with a hint of panic." Sirius said, moving his arms like a conductor, his voice changing from a tone used only by music professors into one shared by the most accomplished of cooking chefs.

"I don't sense any panic, Pads." Remus said, smirking.

"Well, you can't be good at everything." came the reply.

**"Good afternoon," said a soft voice. Harry jumped. Hagrid must have jumped, too, because there was a loud crunching noise and he got quickly off the spindly chair.**

**An old man was standing before them, his wide, pale eyes shining like moons through the gloom of the shop.**

**"Hello," said Harry awkwardly.**

**"Ah yes," said the man. "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wand. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wand for charm work."**

**"**Huh, good to know." James said, while Remus groaned.

"Prongs, lets _not _act like a stalker today, ok?"

"No, Silly Billy. That's just not how James works." Sirius said.

"Stalker?" James asked darkly.

"I think that's better than 'Silly Billy'". Remus replied.

"Your right, it's a bit off. But I can't just call you Silly Moony; it doesn't fit."

"How about giving me a nickname that's not 'Silly' anything." Remus suggested. Sirius ignored him."

"Maybe Silly Molly…but that doesn't work either…"

"How am I a stalker?" James demanded, but Remus was too focused on the future of his new nickname to listen. Peter silently watched, wondering what madness Sirius could come up with this time.

"Silly Millie…makes you sound like a girl…or a pansy, whatever that it."

"Which I'm not."

"Which you are." Sirius and Peter said instantaneously. "I'll get back to you," Sirius continued. "Have your people call my people. We'll get in touch, have some lunch, and drink spiked punch. The whole nine yards."

**Mr. Ollivander moved closer to Harry. Harry wished he would blink. Those silvery eyes were a bit creepy.**

**"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wand. Eleven inches. Pliable. A little more power and excellent for transfiguration. Well, I say your father favored it- it's really the wand that chooses the wizard, of course."**

**My Ollivander had come so close that he and Harry were almost nose to nose. Harry could see himself reflected in those misty eyes.**

"It's not polite to stare."

**"And that's where..."**

**Mr. Ollivander touched the lightning scar on Harry's forehead with a long, white finger.**

**"I'm sorry to say that I sold the wand that did it," he said softly. "Thirteen and a half inches. Yew. Powerful wand, very powerful, and in the wrong hands... Well, if I'd known what that wand was going out in the world to do..."**

**He shook his head and then, to Harry's relief, spotted Hagrid.**

**"Rubeus! Rubeus Hagrid! How nice to see you again... Oak, sixteen inches, rather bendy, wasn't it?"**

**It was, sir, yes," said Hagrid.**

**"Good wand, that one. But I suppose they snapped it in half when you got expelled?" said Mr. Ollivander, suddenly stern.**

"The plot thickens!"

"Wormtail, the plot is too thick already without you stating the obvious."

**"Er - yes, they did, yes," said Hagrid, shuffling his feet. "I've still got the pieces, though," he added brightly.**

**"But you don't use them?" said Mr. Ollivander sharply.**

**"Oh, no, sir," said Hagrid quickly. Harry noticed he gripped his pink umbrella very tightly as he spoke.**

"Oh, of _course_ you don't."

**Hmmm," said Mr. Ollivander, giving Hagrid a piercing look. "Well, now - Mr. Potter. Let me see."**

**He pulled a long tape measure with silver marking out of his pocket. "Which is your wand arm?"**

**"Er - well, I'm right-handed," said Harry.**

**"Hold out your arm. That's it." He measured Harry from shoulder to finger, then wrist to elbow, shoulder to floor, knee to armpit and round his head.**

**As he measured, he said, "Every Ollivander wand has a core of a powerful magical substance, Mr. Potter. We use unicorn hairs, phoenix tail feathers and the heartstrings of dragons. No two Ollivander wands are the same, just as no two unicorns or dragons or phoenixes are quite the same. **

"They are all unique, just like all the others."

**And of course, you will never get such good results with another wizard's wand."**

**Harry suddenly realized that the tape measure, which was measuring between his nostrils, was doing this on its own. **

"Boy, I do love the smell of tape measure in the morning."

"Really? Great! Then I know just the thing to give to you for Christmas."

**Mr. Ollivander was flitting around the shelves, taking down boxes.**

**"That will do," he said, and the tape measure crumpled into a heap on the floor. "Right then, Mr. Potter. Try this one. Beech-wood and dragon heartstring. Nine inches. Nice and flexible. Just take it and give it a wave."**

**Harry took the wand and (feeling foolish) waved it around a bit, but Mr. Ollivander took it out of his hand almost at once.**

"Oh, come on, Ollivander! Give the boy a chance!"

"Prongs, if the wand doesn't choose Harry, then no amount of time will help him."

"Yes it will! What if it's still deciding whether it likes him or not…"

"Wands don't have brains, Prongs."

"…though what kind of a person would hate a Potter is beyond me."

**"Maple and phoenix feather. Seven inches. Quite whippy. Try -"**

**Harry tried - but he had hardly raised it when it, too, was snatched back by Mr. Ollivander.**

**"No, no - here, ebony and unicorn hair, eight and a half inches, springy. Go on, go on, try it out."**

**Harry tried. And tried. He had no idea what Mr. Ollivander was waiting for. The pile of tried wands was mounting higher and higher on the spindly chair, but the more wands Mr. Ollivander pulled from the shelves, the happier he seemed to become.**

"Sadist," muttered James under his breath.

"What, is he not allowed to like his job?" asked Peter.

"No. That would just be stupid, to like the job you have. I mean," James shuddered, "you would have to _work."_

**"Tricky customer, eh? Not to worry, we'll find the perfect match here somewhere - I wonder, now - yes, why not - unusual combination - holly and phoenix feather, eleven inches, nice and supple."**

**Harry took the wand. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers.**

**He raised the wand above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework,**

"HA! That just proves it!"

"Proves what?" asked Sirius, as Peter grabbed the book, re-reading to find out what got James's attention this time.

"Harry's going to be in Gryffindor! This lady, Rowing or whatever…"

"Rowling," grumbled Remus, glancing at the book.

"…she just proved it!"

Sirius laughed. "Prongsy, most wands shoot sparks. Regulus's sparks were blue and yellow, but that doesn't mean that he's going into Ravenclaw!"

James stared gapping at him. "But he's a Potter."

"Really?" Peter asked. "I didn't know."

"Shut up, Peter, and just read the book."

"And how am I supposed to do both?"

"Come on." Whispered Remus. "He's hysterical enough as it is."

**throwing dancing spots of light on the walls. Hagrid whooped and clapped and Mr. Ollivander cried, "Oh, bravo! Yes, indeed, oh, very good. Well, well, well... how curious... how very curious..."**

**He put Harry's wand back into its box and wrapped it in brown paper, still muttering, "Curious... curious..."**

**"Sorry," said Harry, "but what's curious?"**

**Mr. Ollivander fixed Harry with his pale stare.**

**"I remember every wand I've ever sold, Mr. Potter.**

"Because I have absolutely no life whatsoever, and I thought that my time would be much well spent if I memorized all of my orders since the 1400's, rather than buying twenty cats, or, I shudder to think, _socializing._"

**Every single wand. It so happens that the phoenix whose tail feather is in your wand, gave another feather - just one other. It is very curious indeed that you should be destined for this wand when its brother - why, its brother gave you that scar."**

The room was absolutely silent. James and Sirius were glanced at each other worriedly, Remus seemed to be stuck in his 'deep-thinking, do-not-disturb' mode, and Peter was barely breathing. Eventually, Remus came back to the idiotic world he shared with his friends, and took the book away from Peter's stiff hands.

**Harry swallowed.**

**"Yes, thirteen and a half inches. Yew. Curious indeed how these things happen. The wand chooses the wizard, remember... I think we must expect great things from you, Mr. Potter... After all, He Who Must Not Be Named did great things - **

"I beg your pardon?" squeaked Peter.

**terrible, yes, but great."**

"That's better."

**Harry shivered. He wasn't sure he liked Mr. Ollivander too much. **

"No one does, believe me."

**He paid seven gold Galleons for his wand and Mr. Ollivander bowed them from his shop.**

**The late-afternoon sun hung low in the sky as Harry and Hagrid made their way back down Diagon Alley, back through the wall, back through the Leaky Cauldron, now empty. Harry didn't speak at all as they walked down the road; he didn't even notice how much people were gawping at them on the Underground, laden as they were with all their funny-shaped packages, with the sleeping snowy owl on Harry's lap.**

**Up another escalator, out into Paddington station; Harry only realized where they were when Hagrid tapped him on the shoulder.**

**"Got time fer a bite to eat before yer train leaves," he said.**

**He bought Harry a hamburger and they sat down on plastic seats to eat them. Harry kept looking around. Everything looked so strange, somehow.**

**"You all right, Harry? Yer very quiet," said Hagrid.**

**Harry wasn't sure he could explain. He'd just had the best birthday of his life **

"And to imagine, you just went shopping."

**- and yet - he chewed his hamburger, trying to find the words.**

**"Everyone thinks I'm special,"**

"Is that all?" James asked. "Harry, my dear boy, there's no need to worry! They just like to state the obvious; it's nothing to be ashamed about."

**he said at last. "All those people in the Leaky Cauldron, Professor Quirrell, Mr. Ollivander ... but I don't know anything about magic at all. How can they expect great things? I'm famous and I can't even remember what I'm famous for. I don't know what happened when Vol- sorry - I mean, the night my parents died."**

"I do!" Sirius said, jumping up and down. "Oh, oh! Pick me, pick me?"

"Pick you for what?" Peter asked.

"It's a secret." he answered, narrowing his eyes in an attempt to look mysterious. It was a failed attempt, of course, but the boys didn't have the heart to tell Sirius this.

"Fine. You, sir, in the back. What do you have to say?"

"Harry lives!"

"Oh, is that all?" Remus said. "Nice to know, thank you."

**Hagrid leant across the table. Behind the wild beard and eyebrows he wore a very kind smile.**

**"Don' you worry, Harry. You'll learn fast enough. Everyone starts at the beginning at Hogwarts, you'll be just fine. Just be yerself. I know it's hard. Yeh've been singled out, an' that's always hard. But yeh'll have a great time at Hogwarts - I did - still do, 'smatter of fact."**

"Everyone does. It's a requirement. Otherwise, your expelled."

**Hagrid helped Harry on to the train that would take him back to the Dursleys, then handed him an envelope.**

**"Yer ticket fer Hogwarts," he said. "First o' September - King's Cross - it's all on yer ticket. Any problems with the Dursleys, send me a letter with yer owl, she'll know where to find me... See yer soon, Harry."**

**The train pulled out of the station. Harry wanted to watch Hagrid until he was out of sight; he rose in his seat and pressed his nose against the window, but he blinked and Hagrid had gone.**

"Oh, no, Hagrid doesn't do magic at all! That's for the evil people!" James said, his voice ten times lower then usual.

"Please, Moony, can you read some more?" Peter asked.

"Might as well." Remus replied.


	8. The Journey from Platform Nine and 3 4

****

THE JOURNEY FROM PLATFORM NINE AND THREE-QUARTERS

Harry last month with the Dursleys wasn't fun.

"Surprise, surprise."

**True, Dudley was now so scared of Harry he wouldn't dare stay in the same room, while Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon didn't shut Harry in his cupboard, force him to do anything, or shout at him- in fact, they didn't speak to him at all.**

"Eh," Sirius said, thinking. "That's not too bad. You should see some of the things Mum does when she's really in a fit."

**Half terrified, half furious, they acted as though any chair with Harry in it were empty. Although this was an improvement in many ways, it did become a bit depressing after a while.**

**Harry kept to his room, with his new owl for company. He had decided to call her Hedwig, a name he had found in _A History of Magic. _**

"Oh, Hedwig." Remus said. "Must be named after Hedwig the bright, who in circa 1212-"

"Moony," Peter interrupted. "In case you didn't notice, we're not in school. Ergo, we must not discuss any sort of school related topic."

Moony stared. "Did you just say 'ergo'?

"Yes."

"Correctly?"

Peter paused. "I think so."

"And while you are using your newly found sense of vocabulary, you are telling me to not say anything smart?"

"I…um…hey, look! Harry got an owl named Hagrid!"

****

His school books were very interesting.

"No! See what you've done, Remus! You've corrupted my innocent child!"

Peter snickered. "No son of yours is innocent."

"You've corrupted my mostly innocent child!"

"Good." Remus nodded. "I can now rest in peace knowing that I have somehow affected Mini-Prong's life."

**He lay on his bed reading late into the night, Hedwig swooping in and out of the open window as she pleased. It was lucky that Aunt Petunia didn't come in to vacuum anymore, because Hedwig kept bringing back dead mice. Every night before he went to sleep, Harry ticked off another day on the piece of paper he had pinned to the wall, counting down to September the first.**

**On the last day of August he had thought he'd better speak to his aunt and uncle about getting to King's Cross station the next day,**

"Yeah, you might want to do that. It's a bit of a walk to get there."

"Oh, it's just a ten day hike, nothing Prongslet can't handle."

**so he went down to the living room where they were watching a quiz show on television. He cleared his throat to let them know he was there, and Dudley screamed and ran for the door.**

"Oh, if only we could have seen that." Sirius laughed.

"Well, there is probably a way." Remus said, thinking.

"Such as, I don't know, living?"

"Yeah, that might be useful."

****

"Er-Uncle Vernon?"

Uncle Vernon grunted to show he was listening.

"Er- I need to be at King's Cross tomorrow to-to go to Hogwarts."

Uncle Vernon grunted again.

"You know, there are many various and practical words one could use while talking to your awesome nephew. Such as 'alright', or 'sure', or even 'hey, what time should we drop you off.' Now, admittedly, that last one was actually a bunch of words put together into one phrase we smart people like to call a sentence. That might be a bit beyond your capabilities, but let us see what you can do."

**"Would it be all right if you gave me a lift?"**

**Grunt.**

"Pads, maybe grunting is all he can do."

**Harry supposed that meant yes.**

**"Thank you."**

**He was about to go back upstairs when Uncle Vernon actually spoke.**

**"Funny way to get to a wizard's school, the train. Magic carpets all got punctures, have they?"**

"Now, you see, for a sentence to work, it has to make sense. Hence, sentence.

**Harry didn't say anything.**

**"Where is this school, anyway?"**

"In a magical place called Hogwarts, filled with magic and joy and, best of all, magic."

**"I don't know," said Harry, realizing this for the first time. He pulled the ticket Hagrid had given him out of his pocket.**

**"I just take the train from platform nine and three-quarters at eleven o'clock," he read.**

**His aunt and uncle stared.**

**"Platform what?"**

**"Nine and three-quarters."**

**Don't talk rubbish," said Uncle Vernon.**

"I could say the same to you."

**"There is no platform nine and three-quarters."**

**"It's on my ticket."**

**"Barking," said Uncle Vernon, "Howling mad, the lot of them. You'll see. You just wait. All right, we'll take you to King's Cross. We're going up to London tomorrow anyway, or I wouldn't bother."**

"Well, that, and the fact that Hagrid would come and turn you into a walrus."

"No, Padfoot, not this again."

****

"Why are you going to London?" Harry asked, trying to keep things friendly.

"Taking Dudley to the hospital," growled Uncle Vernon. "Got to have that ruddy tail removed before he goes to Smeltings."

Harry woke at five o'clock the next morning and was too excited and nervous to go back to sleep. He got up and pulled on his jeans because he didn't want to walk into the station in his wizard's robes-he'd change on the train. He checked his Hogwarts list yet again to make sure he had everything he needed, saw that Hedwig was shut safely in her cage, and then paced the room, waiting for the Dursleys to get up.

"Sounds like a certain someone I know." Peter said, looking pointedly at Remus. He just ignored him.

**Two hours later, Harry's huge, heavy trunk had been loaded into Dursley's car, Aunt Petunia had talked Dudley into sitting next to Harry, and they had set off.**

**They reached King's Cross at half past ten. Uncle Vernon dumped Harry's trunk onto a cart and wheeled it into the station for him.**

"No Harry, take it from him! Don't trust him."

"He's just going to dump it in front of a train."

"Come on, how can you do this to your own flesh and blood?"

"Come on, Prongslet, be a marauder, drive your own cart."

**Harry thought this was strangely kind**

"Which is exactly why you shouldn't trust him."

**until Uncle Vernon stopped dead, facing the platforms with a nasty grin on his face.**

"A nasty grin which usually signifies something evil and Slytherin like and something that is not good!"

"I think we get the point, Peter."

**"Well, there you are, boy. Platform nine-platform ten. Your platform should be somewhere in the middle, but they don't seem to have built it yet, do they?"**

**He was quite right, of course. There was a big plastic number nine over one platform and a big plastic ten over the one next to it, and in the middle, nothing at all.**

**"Have a good term," said Uncle Vernon with an even nastier smile. He left without another word. Harry turned and saw the Dursleys drive away. All three of them were laughing.**

"Gits, the whole lot of them."

**Harry's mouth went rather dry. What on earth was he going to do? He was starting to attract a lot of funny looks, because of Hedwig. He'd have to ask someone.**

**He stopped a passing guard,**

"Because that's exactly what you do when looking for a magical place: ask the Muggles."

"He's not very bright, is he?" James asked.

"Well, it's easy to see where he gets it from." Remus responded, while Sirius snickered behind him.

"Are you calling Lily stupid?"

"Why would I do something like that?"

"Because your Moony."

"Thanks for reminding me, I forgot."

****

but didn't dare mention platform nine and three-quarters. The guard had never heard of Hogwarts and when Harry couldn't even tell him what part of the country it was in, he started to get annoyed, as though Harry was being stupid on purpose.

"No, he's just naturally stupid. Runs in the family."

"Moony, I swear, one more remark about Evans and I'll never speak to you again.

"Yes, because I dread the day that I wont hear your voice. In fact, it's my worst nightmare, along with Christmas coming early and finding a cure for werewolves. Those are just horrifying, don't you think."

**Getting desperate, Harry asked for the train that left at eleven o'clock, but the guard said there wasn't one. In the end the guard strode away, muttering about time wasters. Harry was now trying hard not to panic. According to the large clock over the arrivals board, he had ten minutes left to get on the train to Hogwarts and he had no idea how to do it; he was stranded in the middle of a station with a trunk he could hardly lift, a pocket full of wizard money, and a large owl.**

"Psh." Peter said. "Think of all the fun we could have with that."

"Remember, Harry doesn't know anything about magic yet, so most of the stuff that we would do to have fun are stuff that he can't do, so he's not going to have fun."

"Um…right."

**Hagrid must have forgotten to tell him something you had to do, like tapping the third brick on the left to get into Diagon Alley. He wondered if he should get out his wand and start tapping the ticket inspector's stand between platforms nine and ten.**

**At that moment a group of people passed just behind him and he caught a few words of what they were saying.**

**"-packed with Muggles, of course-"**

**Harry swung round. The speaker was a plump woman who was talking to four boys, all with flaming red hair.**

"Sounds like the Weasleys." Sirius muttered.

"How can you tell?"

"Trust me; Mum trained me to recognize wizard families. These have to be the Weasleys."

****

Each one of them was pushing a trunk like Harry's in front of him-and they had an _owl_.

Heart hammering, Harry pushed his cart after them. They stopped and so did he, just near enough to hear what they were saying.

"Now, what's the platform number?" said the boys' mother.

"Seven and twelve-fifths."

**"Nine and three-quarters!" piped a small girl, also red-headed, who was holding her hand, "Mom, can't I go..."**

**"You're not old enough, Ginny, now be quiet. All right, Percy, you go first."**

**What looked like the oldest boy marched toward platforms nine and ten. Harry watched, careful not to blink in case he missed it- but just as the boy reached the dividing barrier between the two platforms, a large crowd of tourists came swarming in front of him and by the time the last backpack had cleared away, the boy had vanished.**

"Oh, of all the luck."

**"Fred, you next," the plump woman said.**

**"I'm not Fred, I'm George," said the boy. "**

**Honestly, woman, you call yourself our mother? Can't you _tell_ I'm George?"**

**"Sorry, George, dear."**

**"Only joking, I am Fred," said the boy, and off he went.**

"Heh, I like this kid."

**His twin called after him to hurry up, and he must have done so, because a second later, he had gone-but how had he done it?**

"Magic?"

****

Now the third brother was walking briskly toward the barrier-he was almost there-and then, quite suddenly, he wasn't anywhere.

"Do you think that Harry might not go on the train?" James asked, worriedly. "I mean, it's easy enough, it's just walking."

"I don't know if Harry can manage that."

**There was nothing else for it.**

**"Excuse me," Harry said to the plump woman.**

**"Hello, dear," she said. "First time at Hogwarts? Ron's new, too."**

**She pointed at the last and youngest of her sons. He was tall, think, and gangling, with freckles, big hands and feet, and a long nose.**

"What a handsome lad, here. He won't be able to keep the ladies off of him."

**"Yes," said Harry. "The thing is-the thing is, I don't know how to-"**

"Talk?"

**"How to get onto the platform?" she said kindly, and Harry nodded.**

**"Not to worry," she said. "All you have to do is to walk straight at the barrier between platforms nine and ten. Don't stop and don't be scared you'll crash into it, that's very important.**

"See, Harry! It's quite simple, no need to worry."

**Best do it at a bit of a run if you're nervous. Go on, go now before Ron."**

**"Er-okay," said Harry.**

**He pushed his trolley around and stared at the barrier. It looked very solid.**

**He started to walk toward it. People jostled him on their way to platforms nine and ten. Harry walked more quickly. He was going to smash right into that barrier and then he'd be in trouble-leaning forward on his cart, he broke into a heavy run - the barrier was coming nearer and nearer - he wouldn't be able to stop - the cart was out of control - he was a foot away - he closed his eyes ready for the crash-**

"Do you think he made it?" Peter asked.

"Well, it would be a waste of a book if he didn't and never came to Hogwarts, don't you think?"

**It didn't come... he kept on running...he opened his eyes.**

**A scarlet steam engine was waiting next to a platform packed with people. A sign overhead said Hogwarts Express, eleven o'clock. Harry looked behind him and saw a wrought-iron archway where the barrier had been, with the words _Platform Nine and Three-Quarters _on it. He had done it.**

**Smoke from the engine drifted over the heads of the chattering crowd, while cats of every color wound here and there between their legs. Owls hooted to one another in a disgruntled sort of way over the babble and the scrapping of heavy trunks.**

**The first few carriages were already packed with students, some hanging out of the window to talk to their families, some fighting over seats. Harry pushed his cart off down the platform in search of an empty seat. He passed a round-faced boy who was saying, "Gran, I've lost my toad again."**

"Toad?"

"Why would anyone bring a toad?"

"And complain about it when it got lost?"

**"Oh, _Neville_," he heard the old woman sigh.**

"Guess Neville would."

**A boy with dreadlocks was surrounded by a small crowd.**

**"Give us a look, Lee, go on."**

**The boy lifted the lid of a box in his arms, and the people around him shrieked and yelled as something inside poked out a long, hairy leg.**

**Harry pressed on through the crowd until he found an empty compartment near the end of the train. He put Hedwig inside first and then started to shove and heave his trunk towards the train door. He tried to lift it up the steps but could hardly raise one end and twice he dropped it painfully on his foot.**

**"Want a hand?" It was one of the red-haired twins he'd followed through the barrier.**

"Of course not. He loves dropping stuff on his feet. Who doesn't."

**"Yes, please," Harry panted.**

**"Oy, Fred! C'mere and help!"**

**With the twins' help, Harry's trunk was at last tucked away in a corner of the compartment.**

**"Thanks," said Harry, pushing his sweaty hair out of his eyes.**

**"What's that?" said one of the twins suddenly, pointing at**

"Hey, don't you know it's rude to point?"

"Since when did you care about what's rude and what's not?"

"Since right now."

**Harry's lightning scar.**

**"Blimey," said the other twin. "Are you-?"**

**"He _is," _said the first twin. "Aren't you?" he added to Harry.**

**"No, he isn't, isn't he?"**

**"What?" said Harry.**

**_"Harry Potter,"_ chorused the twins_._**

**"Oh, him,"**

"Articulate to the end."

"Pads, that's not what articulate means."

"Am I close?"

"Not really."

"Can we pretend that I am?"

"No."

"Please?"

"NO."

"Pretty please with sugar on top?"

"Nice talking to you, Pads."

**said Harry. "I mean, yes, I am."**

**The two boys gawked at him, and Harry felt himself turning red. Then, to his relief, a voice came floating in through the train's open door.**

**"Fred? George? Are you there?"**

**"Coming, Mom."**

**With a last look at Harry, the twins hopped off the train.**

**Harry sat down next to the window where, half-hidden, he could watch the red-haired family on the platform and hear what they were saying.**

"Good job, Harry! Eavesdropping and spying without even told how to do it. It's like you were born to do this."

**Their mother had just taken out her handkerchief.**

**"Ron, you've got something on your nose."**

**The youngest boy tried to jerk out of the way, but she grabbed him and began rubbing the end of his nose.**

**"_Mom_ , geroff." He wriggled free.**

**"Aaah, has ickle Ronnie got somefink on his nosie?" said one of the twins.**

The boys laughed. "Ah, when I used to get away with talking to Regulas like that." Sirius said, shaking his head. "Good times, good memories, good stuff."

**"Shut up," said Ron.**

**"Where's Percy?" said their mother.**

**"He's coming now."**

**The oldest boy came striding into sight. He had already changed into his billowing black Hogwarts robes, and Harry noticed a shiny silver badge on his chest with the letter _P_ on it.**

"Prefect." James spat out, growling. "Don't become friends with them; they're too pompous to dead with."

Remus coughed lightly.

"Well, Moony, your different. I still think that some Slytherin _coughSNAPEcough _tried to use a confundus charm on whoever chose the prefects, and messed up and made you a prefect instead."

**"Can't stay long, Mother," he said. "I'm up front, the prefects have got two compartments to themselves-"**

**"Oh, are you a _prefect_, Percy?" said one of the twins, with an air of great surprise. "You should have said something, we had no idea."**

**"Hang on, I think I remember him saying something about it," said the other twin. "Once-"**

**"Or twice-"**

**"A minute-"**

**"All summer-"**

"Classic."

"Briliant."

"Genius, even."

"Now _these_ are the type of people you want to make friends with, young Mini-Prongs.

**"Oh, shut up," said Percy the prefect.**

**"How come Percy get's new robes, anyway?" said one of the twins.**

**"Because he's a _prefect_," said their mother fondly. "All right, dear, well, have a good term-send me an owl when you get there."**

**She kissed Percy on the cheek and he left. Then she turned to the twins.**

**"Now, you two- this year, you behave yourselves. If I get one more owl telling me you've - you've blown up a toilet or-"**

**"Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet."**

**"Great idea though, thanks, Mom."**

"Amatuers. We did that in our second year, remember?"

**"It's _not funny_. And look after Ron."**

**"Don't worry, ickle Ronniekins is safe with us."**

"I feel sorry for him already."

**"Shut up," said Ron again. He was almost as tall as the twins already and his nose was still pink from where his mother had rubbed it.**

**"Hey, Mom, guess what? Guess who we just met on the train?"**

"Then again, it seems like these two are annoying gossips, so maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea to be friends with them."

**Harry leaned back quickly so they couldn't see him looking.**

**"You know that black-haired boy who was near us in the station? Know who he is?"**

**"Who?"**

"Jack the Ripper, back from the dead."

**"Harry Potter!"**

**Harry heard the little girl's voice.**

**"Oh, Mom, can I go on the train and see him, Mom, oh please..."**

**"You've already seen him, Ginny, and the poor boy isn't something you goggle at in the zoo.**

"Thank you, Mrs. Most-Likely-A-Weasley. He doesn't need that today."

"Maybe tomorrow, but not today."

**"Is he really, Fred? How do you know?"**

**"Asked him. Saw his scar. It's really there - like lightning."**

**"Poor _dear_ no wonder he was alone, I wondered. He was ever so polite when he asked how to get onto the platform."**

**"Never mind that, do you think he remembers what You-Know-Who looks like?"**

"You're right! It's the mystery of the century: what does old Voldy look like?"

**Their mother suddenly became very stern.**

**"I forbid you to ask him, Fred. No, don't you dare. As though he needs reminding of that on his first day at school."**

"Yeah, yell at Fred. That way, George or Ronnikins can as Harry for him."

**"All right, keep you hair on."**

**A whistle sounded.**

**"Hurry up!" their mother said, and the three boys clambered onto the train. They leaned out of the window for her to kiss them good-bye, and their little sister began to cry.**

**"Don't Ginny, we'll send you loads of owls."**

**"We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat."**

__

**"George!"**

**"Only joking, Mom."**

**The train began to move. Harry saw the boy's mother waving and their sister, half laughing, half crying, running to keep up with the train until it gathered too much speed, then she fell back and waved.**

**Harry watched the girl and her mother disappear as the train rounded the corner. Houses flashed past the window. Harry felt a great leap of excitement. He didn't know what he was going to -but it had to be better than what he was leaving behind.**

"Well, yeah. Nothing's worst than the Dursleys."

****

The door of the compartment slid open and the youngest red-headed boy came it.

"Anyone sitting there?" he asked, pointing at the seat opposite Harry. "Everyehere else is full."

Harry shook his head and he boy sat down. He glanced at Harry and then looked quickly out the window, pretending he hadn't looked.

"Subtle, this one."

**Harry saw he still had a black mark on his nose.**

**"Hey, Ron."**

**The twins were back.**

**"Listen, we're going down the middle of the train- Lee Jordan's got a giant tarantula down there."**

"Oh, I want one!"

"Sirius, how old are you?"

"Five."

"Really? So then how come your in Hogwarts?"

"I'm a genius, don't be jealous, Moony."

**"Right," muttered Ron.**

**"Harry," said the other twin, "did we introduce ourselves? Fred and George Weasley.**

"Ha! I told you, they're all Weasleys! I knew it."

"Good for you, Padfoot. We feel so proud and honored to be in your presence."

"You should."

****

And this is Ron, our brother. See you later, then."

"Bye," said Harry and Ron. The twins slid the compartment door shut behind them.

"Are you really Harry Potter?" Ron blurted out.

"Subtlety, thy name's not Ronnikns."

**Harry nodded.**

**"Oh - well, I thought it might be one of Fred and George's jokes," said Ron. "And have you really got- you know..."**

**He pointed at Harry's forehead.**

"First the twin, now you. Does anyone know the meaning of politeness anymore!"

**Harry pulled back his bangs to show the lightning scar. Ron stared.**

**"So that's where You-Know-Who-?"**

**"Yes," said Harry, "but I can't remember it."**

**"Nothing?" said Ron eagerly.**

**"Well- I remember a lot of green light, but nothing else."**

**"Wow", said Ron. He sat and stared at Harry for a few moments, then, as though he had suddenly realized he what he was doing, he looked quickly out of the window again.**

"At least he's not _trying _to stare."

**"Are all your family wizards? asked Harry, who found Ron just as interesting as Ron found him.**

**"Er- yes, I think so," said Ron. "I think Mom's got a second cousin who's an accountant, but we never talk about him."**

**"So you must know loads of magic already."**

**"The Weasley's were clearly one of those old wizarding families the pale boy in Diagon Alley had talked about.**

**"I heard you went to live with Muggles," said Ron. "What are they like?"**

**"Horrible - well, not all of them. My aunt and uncle and cousin are, though. Wish I'd had three wizarding brothers."**

**"Five," said Ron. For some reason, he was looking gloomy.**

"Huh, I wonder why."

**"I'm the sixth in our family to go to Hogwarts. You can say I've got a lot to live up to. Bill and Charlie have already left - Bill was head boy and Charlie was captain of Quidditch. Now Percy's a prefect. Fred and George mess around a lot, but they still get really good marks and everyone thinks they're really funny. Everyone expects me to do as well as the others, but if I do, it's no big deal, because they did it first. You never get anything new, either, with five brothers. I've got Bill's old robes, Charlie's old wand, and Percy's old rat."**

"Good old Weasleys. They're awesome in everything."

"Yeah. Shame about one of them turning out to be a prefect, though."

**Ron reached inside his jacket and pulled out a fat gray rat, which was asleep.**

**"His name's Scabbers and he's useless, he hardly ever wakes up. Percy got an owl from my dad for being made a prefect, but they couldn't aff - I mean, I got Scabbers instead."**

**Ron's ears went pink. He seemed to think he'd said too much, because he went back to staring out of the window.**

**Harry didn't think there was anything wrong with not being able to afford an owl. After all, he'd never had any money in his life until a month ago, and he told Ron so, all about having to wear Dudley's old clothes and never getting proper birthday presents. This seemed to cheer Ron up.**

**"...and until Hagrid told me, I didn't know anything about being a wizard or about my parents or Voldemort-"**

Peter flinched.

**Ron gasped.**

**"What?" said Harry.**

"What do you mean,'what'?" Peter said. "You just said You-Know-Who's name!"

"Huh." Remus said, looking at the book. "It seems that like minds think alike."

**_"You said You-Know-Who's name!"_ said Ron, sounding both shocked and impressed. "I'd have thought you, of all people-"**

**"I'm not trying to be_ brave_ or anything, saying the name," said Harry,**

_"_Don't knock it, bravery's the most valued thing in Hogwarts."

"And what a coincidence, it's also what Griffindor is famous for."

****

"I just never knew you shouldn't. See what I mean? I've got loads to learn...I bet," he added, voicing for the first time something that had been worrying him a lot lately, "I bet I'm the worst in the class."

"You won't be. There's loads of people who come from Muggle families and they learn quickly enough."

While they had been talking, the train had carried them out of London. Now they were speeding past fields full of cows and sheep. They were quiet for a time, watching the fields and lanes flicker past.

"Because nothing is more interesting than watching the scenery go by."

****

Around half past twelve there was a great clattering outside in the corridor and a smiling, dimpled woman slid back their door and said, "Anything off the cart, dears?"

Harry, who hadn't had any breakfast, leapt to his feet, but Ron's ears went pink again and he muttered that he'd brought sandwiches. Harry went out into the corridor.

He had never had any money for candy with the Dursleys, and now that he had pockets rattling with gold and silver he was ready to buy as many Mars Bars

"Mars Bars?"

"It's a Muggle candy."

"What's so great about Muggle candy?"

"Other than it's made of sugar?"

****

as he could carry-but the woman didn't have Mars Bars. What she did have were Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, Chocolate Frogs, Pumpkin Pasties, Cauldron Cakes, Licorice Wands, and a number of other strange things Harry had never seen in his life. Not wanting to miss anything, he got some of everything and paid the woman eleven silver Sickles and seven bronze Knuts.

Ron stared as Harry brought it all back in to the compartment and tipped it onto an empty seat.

"Hungry, are you?"

"Starving," said Harry, taking a large bite out of a pumpkin pasty. Ron had taken out a lumpy package and unwrapped it. There were four sandwiches inside. He pulled one of them apart and said, "She always forgets I don't like corned beef."

"Well, who does like corn beef?"

****

"Swap you for one of these," said Harry, holding up a pasty. "Go on-"

"You don't want this, it's all dry," said Ron. "She hasn't got much time," he added quickly, "you know, with five of us."

"Yeah, that doesn't scream 'pity me'!

****

"Go on, have a pasty," said Harry, who had never had anything to share before, or, indeed, anyone to share it with. It was a nice feeling, sitting there with Ron, eating their way through all Harry's pasties, cakes, and candies (the sandwiches lay forgotten).

"What are these?" Harry asked Ron, holding up a pack of Chocolate Frogs. "There not _really_ frogs, are they?"

"Why, yes, it is. And if you kiss it, it will transform into a prince with all its chocolate glory."

****

He was starting to feel that nothing would surprise him.

"No," said Ron. "But see what the card is. I'm missing Agrippa."

"Oh, I have five of those, we can trade!"

"Peter, it's a book, he can't hear you."

****

"What?"

"Oh, of course, you wouldn't know- Chocolate Frogs have cards inside them, you know, to collect- famous witches and wizards. I've got about five hundred, but I haven't got Agrippa or Ptolemy."

Harry unwrapped his Chocolate Frog and picked up the card. It showed a man's face. He wore half-moon glasses had a long crooked nose and flowing silver hair, beard and moustache. Underneath the picture was the name Albus Dumbledore.

"Dumbledore has a card?"

"Well, he IS one of the greatest wizards of our time."

"I want a Dumbledore card!"

****

"So _this _is Dumbledore!" said Harry.

"Don't tell me you'd never heard of Dumbledore!" said Ron.

"Can I have a frog? I might get Agrippa – thanks – "

Harry turned over his card and read:

__

Albus Dumbledore, currently Headmaster of Hogwarts.

__

Considered by many the greatest wizard of modern times, Dumbledore is particularly famous for his defeat of the dark wizard Grindelwald in 1945,

_for the discovery of the twelve uses of dragon's blood and his work on alchemy with his partner, Nicolas Flamel. Professor Dumbledore enjoys chamber music and tenpin bowling. _

"Because nothing says 'I'm the greatest wizard of all time' like tenpin bowling." Sirius said, then frowned. "Hey, Moony. What's bowling?"

**Harry turned the back over and saw, to his astonishment, that Dumbledore's face had disappeared.**

**"He's gone!"**

**"Well, you can't expect him to hang around all day," said Ron. "He'll be back. No, I've got Morgana again and I've got about six of her…do you want it? You can start collecting."**

**Ron's eyes strayed to the pile of chocolate frogs waiting to be unwrapped.**

**"Help yourself," said Harry. "But in, you know, the Muggle world, people just stay put in photos."**

**"Do they? What they don't move at all?" Ron sounded amazed. "_Weird!_"**

**Harry stared as Dumbledore sidled back into the picture on his card and gave him a small smile. Ron was more interested in eating the frogs than looking at the Famous Witches and Wizards cards, but Harry couldn't keep his eyes off them. Soon he had not only Dumbledore and Morgana, but Hengist of Woodcroft, Alberic Grunnion, Circe, Paracelsus, and Merlin. He finally tore his eyes away from the druidess Cliodna, who was scratching her nose, to open a bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans.**

**"You want to be careful with those," Ron warned Harry.**

**"When they say every flavour, they _mean_ every flavour – you know, you get all the ordinary ones like chocolate and peppermint and marmalade, but then you can get spinach and liver and tripe. George reckons he had a bogey-flavoured one once."**

"That's nothing. Last year, I'm pretty sure I got road flavor."

"How do you know what roads taste like?"

"I just know, ok."

****

Ron picked up a green bean, looked at it carefully and bit into a corner.

"Bleaaargh – see? Sprouts."

They had a good time eating the Every Flavour Beans. Harry got toast, coconut,

baked bean, curry, grass, coffee, sardine and was even brave enough to nibble the end off a funny grey one Ron wouldn't touch, which turned out to be pepper.

The countryside now flying past the window was becoming wilder. The neat fields had gone. Now there were woods, twisting rivers and dark green hills.

There was a knock on the door of their compartment and the round-faced boy Harry had passed on platform nine and three quarters came in. He looked tearful.

"Sorry," he said, "but have you seen a toad at all?"

When they shook their heads, he wailed, "I've lost him! He keeps getting away from me!"

"He'll turn up," said Harry.

"Yes," said the boy miserably. "Well, if you see him…"

He left.

"Don't know why he's so bothered," said Ron. "If I'd bought a toad I'd lose it as quick as I could. Mind you, I brought Scabbers, so I can't talk."

The rat was still snoozing on Ron's lap.

"He might have died and you wouldn't know the difference," said Ron is disgust. "I tried to turn him yellow yesterday to make him more interesting, but the spell didn't work. I'll show you, look…"

"Wait, you're going to show him a spell that doesn't work?"

"I guess so."

****

He rummaged around in his trunk and pulled out a very battered looking wand.

It was chipped in places and something white was glinting at the end.

"Unicorn hair's nearly poking out. Anyway –"

He had just raised his wand when the compartment door slid open again.

The toadless boy was back, but this time he had a girl with him. She was already wearing her new Hogwarts robes.

"_Somebody's_ a bit to excited to be going to school."

"You can say that again."

"_Somebody's_ a bit to excited-"

"Shut up."

****

"Has anyone seen a toad? Neville's lost one," she said. She had a bossy sort of voice, lots of bushy brown hair and rather large front teeth.

"We've already told him we haven't seen it," said Ron, but the girl wasn't listening, she was looking at the wand in his hand.

"Oh are you doing magic? Let's see it, then."

She sat down. Ron looked taken aback.

"Er – all right."

He cleared his throat.

_"Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow,_

_Turn this stupid, fat rat yellow."_

"Oh yeah. Great spell, Ronikins. Just fabulous."

**He waved his wand, but nothing happened. Scabbers stayed grey and fast asleep.**

**"Are you sure that's a real spell?" said the girl. "Well, it's not very good, is it? I've tried a few simple spells just for practice and it's all worked for me. Nobody in my family's magic at all, it was ever such a surprise when I got my letter, but I was ever so pleased, of course, I mean, it's the very best school of witchcraft there is, I've heard – I've learnt our set books off by heart, of course, I just hope it will be enough – I'm Hermione Granger, by the way, who are you?"**

"Well, she's a bit pathetic, don't you think?" asked Remus. The other boys just stared at him. "What?"

"She sounds just like you."

"No she doesn't."

"Exactly like you, even. Remember, right before we were sorted, you were getting nervous because you weren't smart enough to get into Ravenclaw." James said.

"Even though you memorized all the schoolbooks." Peter added.

"Because that's what you read before you went to sleep." Sirius said.

"That doesn't mean anything!" exclaimed Remus.

"It means that this Hermione is obviously related to you."

"It does?" Peter asked.

"Her last name is Granger, Prongs."

"She could have been adopted. After all, I don't think that we all lived to tell the tale, you know?"

"Just because you're dead, James, doesn't mean we all are."

"Well, she's either your daughter," Sirius said mischievously, "or else she's your SOULMATE."

"What?" James, Peter, and Remus yelled.

"Well, think about it. She's a super smart person, who obviously is obsessed with the more mental aspects of school, who wants to impress everyone upon first meeting."

"I'm not like that at all!"

"Sure your not. Just keep saying that."

****

She said this all very fast.

Harry looked at Ron and was relieved to see by his stunned face that he hadn't learnt all the set books off by heart either.

"I'm Ron Weasley," Ron muttered.

"Harry Potter," said Harry.

"Are you really?" said Hermione. "I know all about you, of course – I got a few extra books for background reading, and you're in _Modern Magical History _and _The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts _and _Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century._

"She even breathes books like others breathe air."

"Does it remind you of anyone?" James asked. Remus just ignored him.

**"Am I?" said Harry, feeling dazed.**

**"Goodness, didn't you know, I'd have found out everything I could if it was me," said Hermione. "Do either of you know what house you'll be in? I've been asking around and I hope I'm in Gryffindor, it sounds by far the best,**

"Smart girl."

**I hear Dumbledore himself was one, but I suppose Ravenclaw wouldn't be too ****bad…**

"It's a match made in heavan!"

"Sirius, if you don't stop, I'm going to need to kill you."

"Hey, don't deny it. You think she's hot."

"She's not even born yet."

"True…wow, never knew you were that sick, Moony."

**anyway, we'd better go and look for Neville's toad. You two had better change, you know, I expect we'll be there soon."**

**And she left, taking the toadless boy with her.**

**"Whatever house she's in, I hope I'm not in it," said Ron. He threw his wand back into his trunk. "Stupid spell – George gave it too me, bet he knew it was a dud."**

**"What house are your brothers in?" asked Harry.**

**"Gryffindor," said Ron. Gloom seemed to be settling on him again. "Mum and Dad were in it too. I don't know what they'll say if I'm not. I don't suppose Ravenclaw _would _be too bad, but imagine if they put me in Slytherin."**

"I would leave before the feast even started."

**"That's the house Vol- I mean, You-Know-Who was in?"**

**"Yeah," said Ron. He flopped back into his seat, looking depressed.**

**"You know, I think the ends of Scabbers' whiskers are a bit lighter," said Harry, trying to take Ron's eyes of houses. "So what do your oldest brothers do now they've left, anyway?"**

**Harry was wondering what a wizard did once he'd finished school.**

**"Charlie's in Romania studying dragons and Bill's in Africa doing something for Gringotts," said Ron. "Did you hear about Gringotts? It's been all over the _Daily Prophet_, but I don't suppose you get that with the Muggles – someone tried to rob a high security vault."**

"Bum, Ba, BUUUUM!"

"You know, you're getting annoying."

"Do you want me to talk about you and the love of your life again?"

"Not particularly."

****

Harry stared.

"Really? What happened to them?"

"Nothing, that's why it's such big news. They haven't been caught. My dad says it must've been a powerful Dark wizard to get round Gringotts, but they don't think they took anything, that's what's odd.

"Then why even rob Gringotts if your not going to take anything?"

"Maybe they got attacked by a dragon?"

****

'Course, everyone gets scared when something like this happens in case You-Know-Who's behind it."

Harry turned this news over in his mind. He was starting to get a prickle of fear every time You-Know-Who was mentioned. He supposed this was all part of entering the magical world,

"That, and he's a mass murdering psycho."

"And a Slytherin."

****

but it had been a lot more comfortable saying 'Voldemort' without worrying.

"What's your Quidditch team?" Ron asked.

"Er – I don't know any," Harry confessed.

"Don't remind me." James groaned.

****

"What!" Ron looked dumbfounded. "Oh, you wait, it's the best game in the world –" And he was off, explaining all about the four balls and the positions of the seven players, describing famous games he'd been to with his brothers and the broomstick he'd like to get if he had the money. He was just taking Harry through the finer points of the game when the compartment door slid open yet again, but it wasn't Neville the toadless boy or Hermione Granger this time.

Three boys entered and Harry recognized the middle one at once: it was the pale boy from Madam Malkin's robe shop. He was looking at Harry with a lot more interest than he'd shown back in Diagon Alley.

"Of course he is. He realizes that he is in the presence of a Potter."****

"Is it true?" he said. "They're saying all down the train that Harry Potter's in this compartment. So it's you, is it?"

"Yes," said Harry. He was looking at the other boys. Both of them were thickset and looked extremely mean. Standing either side of the pale boy they looked like bodyguards.

"That would be because they are."

****

"Oh, this is Crabbe and this is Goyle," said the pale boy carelessly, noticing where Harry was looking. "And my name's Malfoy, Draco Malfoy."

"Well, my name's Bond. James Bond." James said.

"No… it's Potter. James Potter." Peter said.

"It's a Muggle thing, don't worry about it."

****

Ron gave a slight cough, which might have been hiding a snigger. Draco Malfoy looked at him.

"Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask who you are. My father told me all the Weasleys have red hair, freckles and more children than they can afford."

He turned back to Harry. "You'll soon find out that some wizarding families are much better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there."

"He would be a help."

"What?"

"He's a perfect example of the kinds of families you don't want Harry to associate with."

"Oh. True."

****

He held out his hand to shake Harry's, but Harry didn't take it.

"I think I can tell who are the wrong sort for myself, thanks," he said coolly.

Draco Malfoy didn't go red, but a pink tinge appeared in his pale cheeks.

"I'd be careful if I were you, Potter," he said slowly. "Unless you're a bit politer you'll go the same way as your parents. They didn't know what was good for them either. You hang around with riff-raff like the Weasleys and that Hagrid and it'll rub off on you."

"Need. To. Hex." Sirius stuttered, twitching madly.

"He's not alive, you know."

"Then I'll hex his family."

"You're going against the Malfoys? You do know that they are a huge old family."

"So I can hex them all."

"Be my guest, just leave me out of it."

****

Both Harry and Ron stood up.

"Say that again," Ron said, his face was as red as his hair.

"Oh, you're going to fight us, are you?" Malfoy sneered.

"Unless you get out now," said Harry, more bravely than he felt because Crabbe and Goyle were a lot bigger than him or Ron.

"But we don't feel like leaving yet, do we, boys? We've eaten all our food and you still seem to have some."

Goyle reached towards the Chocolate Frogs next to Ron – Ron leapt forward, but before he'd so much as touched Goyle, Goyle let out a horrible yell.

Scabbers the rat was hanging off his finger, sharp little teeth sunk deep into Goyle's knuckle – Crabbe and Malfoy backed away as Goyle swung Scabbers round and round, howling, and when Scabbers finally flew off and hit the window,

"Brave young Scabbers, we barely knew thee."

****

all three of them disappeared at once. Perhaps they thought there were more rats lurking among the sweets, or perhaps they'd heard footsteps, because a second later, Hermione Granger had come in.

"What _has _been going on?" she said, looking at the sweets all over the floor and Ron picking Scabbers up by his tail.

"I think he's been knocked out," Ron said to Harry. He looked closer at Scabbers. "No – I don't believe it – he's gone back to sleep."

So he had.

"You've met Malfoy before?"

Harry explained about their meeting in Diagon Alley.

"I've heard of his family," Ron said darkly. "They were some of the first to come back to our side after You-Know-Who disappeared. Said they'd been bewitched. My dad doesn't believe it. He says Malfoy's father didn't need an excuse to go over to the Dark Side." He turned to Hermione. "Can we help you with something?"

"You better hurry up and put your robes on, I've just been up the front to ask the driver and he says we're nearly there. You haven't been fighting, have you? You'll be in trouble before we even get there!"

"Are you sure you're not interested, Moony? I mean, she is you to a tee."

"Padfoot, I am quite certain that I am not interested in someone…at least thirty years younger than me."*

****

"Scabbers has been fighting, not us," said Ron, scowling at her. "Would you mind leaving while we change?"

"All right – I only came in here because people outside are behaving very childishly, racing up and down the corridors," said Hermione in a sniffy voice. "And you've got dirt on your nose, by the way, did you know?"

Ron glared at her as she left. Harry peered out of the window. It was getting dark. He could see mountains and forests under a deep purple sky. The train did seem to be slowing down.

He and Ron took off their jackets and pulled on their long black robes. Ron's were a bit short for him, you could see his trainers underneath them.

A voice echoed through the train: "We will be reaching Hogwarts in five minutes time. Please leave you luggage on the train, it will be taken to the school separately."

Harry's stomach lurched with nerves and Ron, he saw, looked pale under his freckles. They crammed their pockets with the last of the sweets and joined the crowd thronging the corridor.

The train slowed right down and finally stopped. People pushed their way towards the door and out on to a tiny, dark platform. Harry shivered in the cold night air. Then a lamp came over the heads of the students and Harry heard a familiar voice: "Firs' years! Firs' years over here! All right there, Harry?"

Hagrid's big face beamed over the sea of heads.

"C'mon, follow me – any more firs' years? Mind yer step, now! Firs' years follow me!"

Slipping and stumbling, they followed Hagrid down what seemed to be a steep, narrow path. It was so dark either side of them that Harry thought there must be thick trees there. Nobody spoke much. Neville, the boy who kept losing his toad, sniffed once or twice.

"Yeh'll get yer firs' sight o' Hogwarts in a sec," Hagrid called over his shoulder, "jus' round this bend here."

There was a loud, "Oooooh!"

The narrow path had opened suddenly on to the edge of a great black lake. Perched atop a high mountain on the other side, its windows sparkling in the starry sky, was a vast castle with many turrets and towers.

"No more'n four to a boat!" Hagrid called, pointing to a fleet of little boats sitting in the water by the shore. Harry and Ron were followed into their boat by Neville and Hermione.

"Everyone in?" shouted Hagrid, who had a boat to himself, "Right then, FORWARD!"

And the little fleet of boats moved off all at once, gliding across the lake which was as smooth as glass. Everyone was silent, staring up at the great castle overhead. It towered over them as they sailed nearer and nearer to the cliff on which it stood.

"Heads down!" yelled Hagrid as the first boats reached the cliff; they all bent their heads and the little boats carried them through a curtain of ivy which hid a wide opening in the cliff face. They were carried along a dark tunnel, which seemed to be taking them right underneath the castle, until they reached a kind of underground harbour, where they clambered out on to rocks and pebbles.

"Oy, you there! Is this your toad?" said Hagrid, who was checking the boats as people climbed out of them.

"Trevor!" cried Neville blissfully, holding out his hands. Then they clambered up a passageway in the rock after Hagrid's lamp, coming out at last on to a smooth, damp grass right in the shadow of the castle.

They walked up a flight of stone steps and crowded around the huge, oak front door.

"Everyone here? You there, still got yer toad?"

Hagrid raised a gigantic fist and knocked three times on the castle door.

A/N

* Actually, Hermione's 19 years younger (check out www. Hp - lexicon. org ) so yeah, still a bit weird there.


	9. The Sorting Hat

And hey, just because I want to get you guys more interested, extra points to the person who can spot a quote from a movie. (three quotes from three movies. I feel special.)

**-------------------------------------------------------**

**CHAPTER SEVEN ****THE SORTING HAT**

**The door swung open at once. A tall, black-haired witch in emerald-green robes stood there. She had a very stern face and Harry's first thought was that this was not someone to cross. **

"**The firs' years, Professor McGonagall," said Hagrid. **

"Run, Harry, run for your life!" James shouted. "It's the evil fun-sucking rule-hugging McGonagall!"

"Not the evil fun-sucking rule-hugging McGonagall!" Sirius exclaimed.

"The very same."

"But she will use her corrupting, rule-hugging powers to turn Harry into a fun-sucking minion!"

"Yes, that seems to be the plan."

"This is a job for the Marauders."

"Lousy students in the day, mischief makers at night."

"We even have our own theme song."

Remus sighed. "What are we, two?"

"Three, actually."

"**Thank you, Hagrid. I will that them from here."**

"I don't think he's running."

"Shame. Now he has to go to school and _learn_. Oh, the horror."

**She pulled the door wide. The entrance hall was so big you could have fitted the whole of the Dursleys' house in it. The stone walls were lit with flaming torches like the ones at Gringotts, the ceiling was too high to make out, and a magnificent marble staircase facing them led up to the upper floors. **

**They followed Professor McGonagall across the flagged stone floor. Harry could hear the drone of hundreds of voices from a doorway to the right – the rest of the school must already be here – but Professor McGonagall showed the first years into a small empty chamber off the hall. They crowded in, standing rather closer together than they would usually have done, peering about nervously. **

"**Welcome to Hogwarts," said Professor McGonagall. "The start of term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory and spend free time in your house common-room. **

"**The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn you house points, while any rule-breaking will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most house points is awarded the house cup, a great honour. I hope each of your will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours. **

"**The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as your can while you are waiting."**

**Her eyes lingered for a moment on Neville's cloak, which was fastened under his left ear, and Ron's smudged nose. Harry nervously tried to flatten his hair. **

"**I shall return when we are ready for you," said Professor McGonagall. "Please wait quietly."**

**She left the chamber. Harry swallowed. **

"**How exactly do they sort us into houses?" he asked Ron.**

"**Some sort of test, I think. Fred said it hurts a lot, but I think he was joking."**

"So which is your favorite?" Sirius interrupted.

"Favorite…"

"Oh, come on Moony. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Since when was I a mind reader?"

"Since the day you met us."

Remus crossed his arms, amused. "Really? Why wasn't I informed?"

James sighed. "Come ON. Every single day you have to do something annoying! 'Shouldn't you guys study for that potions exam insdead of sneaking to the kitchens?' 'You know, snivillious is listening right behind you.' 'No James, Lilly will not except flowers and a lesson on how to make out.' I don't even have to talk to you and you act all negative."

"I consider it constructive critisism." Remus glanced at Sirius. "So what was your question?"

"I had a question?"

"Yup."

"Oh, that's good." Sirius started looking up into space, ignoring Remus's glare. Finally, he asked, "Oh, you're wondering whether I remembered my question."

"Yeah, that'll be nice."

"Oh, well, I don't."

**Harry's heart gave a horrible jolt. A test? In front of the whole school? But he didn't know any magic yet – what on earth would he have to do? He hadn't expected something like this the moment they arrived. He looked around anxiously and saw that everyone else looked terrified too. No one was talking much except Hermione Granger, who was whispering very fast about all the spells she'd learnt and wondering which one she'd need. **

"You do know that your girlfriend's insane, Moony." Peter said, smirking.

"Really? Can you enlighten me on some points? Beginning with why she is suddenly my girlfriend."

"Well, first of all, she's talking to herself. She must be crazy."

"Or have no friends."

"Or has an _invisible_ friend!"

"Not everyone is like you, Sirius."

"And second of all, you're a bit too single for a bit too long."

James and Sirius nodded. "He has a point."

Remus glared at them. "May I remind you the time back in second year when Lisa Thorn and Emily Peirce tried to force you to be your 'date' for Valentine's Day? I believe their reason was, _'but you can't not like us, you've never even had a girlfriend'_."

James shuddered. "Don't remind me, I still have the scars when she threw her present at me."

"Only you would get hurt from a teddy bear." Sirius laughed.

**Harry tried hard not to listen to her. He'd never been more nervous, never, not even when he'd had to take a school report home to the Dursleys saying that he'd somehow turned his teacher's wig blue.**

Sirius's eyes widened. "Wow," he whispered, awed. "I think I had an idea."

"You had an idea?" Remus asked, rolling his eyes. "That's a first."

"No, shut up. You know how annoying the Slytherins get when we have a Quidditch match against them?"

"Yes."

"Yup."

"They're annoying? When?"

"Shut _up_, Moony, this is no time for sarcasm. I just had an idea!"

"So we've heard."

"So, what we do, we'll sneak into the Slytherin's domoroties, and dye their hair pink and light purple and other girly colors. And when I say pink, I mean like-oh-my-goodness look-at-the-sparkles I-hope-this-matches-my-nail-polish pink."

"That's a good pink."

"So I've heard."

"So how are we getting into the dormitories?"

"I don't know. Ask Moony, he's supposed to be smart."

**He kept his eyes fixed on the door. Any second now, Professor McGonagall would come back and lead him to his doom. **

**Then something happened which made him jump about a foot in the air – several people behind him screamed. **

"**What the –?"**

**He gasped. So did the people around him. **

"Hmm, lacks wit, bravery, and evilness. Looks like Mini-prongs is a Hufflepuff."

James jumped up. "You take that back."

"Make me."

"Now kiddies." Remus sighed as James and Sirius got into a rather pathetic wrestling match. "If you won't be good, I'll just have to ask you to make little dunce hats and sit in the corner."

"Wait, I want a dunce hat!"

"Me too."

"Me three."

"Peter, you're not involved with this."

"So?"

"Come on, Moony, can we have arts-and-crafts time?"

"No."

"Aw, why not."

"Because I've seen the damage that yuou can do with a bit of glue."

"Hey, it's glue. Strong stuff."

**About twenty ghosts had just streamed through the back wall. Pearly-white and slightly transparent, they glided across the room talking to each other and hardly glancing at the first years. They seemed to be arguing. What looked like a fat little monk was saying: "Forgive and forget, I say, we ought to give him a second chance –"**

"**My dear Friar, haven't we given Peeves all the chances he deserves? **

"Oh, don't you just love the fat friar? Who else would give a fellow mischief maker a second chance?"

"More like the nintyith chance per month, but hey, who's counting?"

**He gives us all a bad name and you know, he's not really even a ghost – I say, what are you all doing here?"**

"Their planning a hostile takeover of the school, what's it look like."

**A ghost wearing a ruff and tights had suddenly noticed the first years. **

**Nobody answered. **

"**New students!" said the Fat Friar, smiling around at them. **"**About to be Sorted, I suppose?"**

**A few people nodded mutely. **

"**Hope to see you in Hufflepuff!" **

"Oh, Harry will. No doubt about it."

**said the Friar. **"**My old house, you know."**

"**Move along now," said a sharp voice. **"**The Sorting Ceremony's about to start."**

**Professor McGonagall had returned. One by one, the ghosts floated away through the opposite wall. **

"**Now form a line," Professor McGonagall told the first years, "and follow me."**

**Feeling oddly as though his legs has turned to lead, Harry got into line behind a boy with sandy hair, with Ron behind him, and they walked out of the chamber, back across the hall and through a pair of double doors into the Great Hall. **

**Harry had never been in such a strange and splendid place. It was lit by thousands and thousands of candles which were floating in mid-air over four long tables, where the rest of the students were sitting. These tables were laid with glittering golden plates and goblets. At the top of the hall was another long table where the teachers were sitting. Professor McGonagall led the first years up here, so that they came to a halt in a line facing the other students, with the teachers behind them. The hundreds of faces staring at them looked like pale lanterns in flickering candlelight. Dotted here and there among the students, the ghosts shone misty silver. Mainly to avoid the staring eyes, Harry looked upwards and saw a velvety black ceiling dotted with stars. He heard Hermione whisper: "It's bewitched to look like the sky outside, **

**I read about it in **_**Hogwarts, a History**_**."**

Sirius stared at Remus. "Hey Moony,"

"Shut up."

"…didn't you used to read Hogwarts, a History-"

"I said shut up, you little ingrate."

"…as a betdime story."

"No, that's ok. Ignore me, I know where you live. For most of the year, anyway."

"…And by the time we got to Hogwarts, you had memorized every signle line?

"Would you feel better if I say Sirius Lee, shut up?"

"Yup."

"Good."

"Doesn't mean that I'll stopp anytime soon."

Remus groaned.

"Bet your girlfriend's in Ravenclaw."

"I hope so, then I wouldn't have to see my _underage_ girlfriend ever.

"Oh, not you just hurt her feelings."

**It was hard to believe there was a ceiling there at all, and that the Great Hall didn't simply open to the heavens. **

**Harry quickly looked down again as Professor McGonagall silently places a four-legged stool in front of the first years. On top of the stool she put a pointed wizard's hat. The hat was patched and frayed and extremely dirty. Aunt Petunia wouldn't have let it in the house. **

_**Maybe they had to try and get a rabbit out of it**_**, Harry thought wildly, that seemed the sort of thing – noticing that everyone in the hall was now staring at the hat, he stared at it too. For a few seconds, there was complete silence. Then the hat twitched. A rip near the brim opened wide like a mouth – and the hat began to sing: **

"Hey, Peter, will you sing?"

"Um, no thank you."

"Oh, please."

"Ignore him, Wormtail."

"Pretty please?"

"Resist the peer pressure, 'Tail, you can do it!"

"With a cherry on top."

"Isn't resisting peer pressure when one is told to kind of like ----subcoming--- to peer pressure?"

"And sugar, and cookies. You like cookies."

"No one likes smart people, Moony. That's why Ravenclaws have no friends."

"Everyone likes cookies. And cake! Everyone likes cake."

"Which was why your girlfirend was talking to herself; she's Ravenclaw material, and therefore has no friends."

"Wow. Good job, Prongs."

"_**Oh you may not think I'm pretty,**_

_**But don't judge on what you see,**_

_**I'll eat myself**_

_**if you can find **_

_**A smarter hat then me. **_

_**You can keep your bowlers black,**_

_**Your top hats sleek and tall,**_

_**For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat**_

_**And I can cap them all. **_

_**There's nothing hidden in your head**_

_**The Sorting Hat can't see,**_

_**So try me on and I will tell you**_

**Where you ought to be.**

Sirius started laughing maniacly, gaining unconcerned looks from his friends. "What's fuuny now?"

"It rhymes."

James shook his head. One day, people will think he's a madman, and for good reason.

_**You might belong in Gryffindor,**_

_**Where dwell the brave at heart,**_

_**Their daring, nerve and chivalry**_

_**Set Gryffindors apart;**_

_**You might belong in Hufflepuff,**_

_**Where they are just and loyal,**_

_**Those patient Hufflepuffs are **_

"Puffy."

"Prongs, that doesn't rhyme."

"But it's true."

"But it _doesn't rhyme_."

"I noticed."

"It says true in the book."

"Doesn't mean that my version is bad."

"Actually, it does."

_**And unafraid of toil;**_

_**Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,**_

_**If you've a ready mind,**_

_**Where those of wit and learning,**_

_**Will always find their kind;**_

"Are you sure you didn't bribe the hat to put you in Gryffindor?"

"I don't even want to know how you can do that."

_**Or perhaps in Slytherin,**_

_**You'll make your real friends,**_

"Or two-faced, backstabbing traitorous fiends. Whichever."

_**Those cunning folk use any means**_

_**To achieve their ends.**_

"That's putting things a bit too politely, if you ask me."

_**So put me on! Don't be afraid!**_

_**And don't get in a flap!**_

_**You're in safe hands (though I have none)**_

_**For I'm a Thinking Cap!"**_

"Oh, look! A pun."

"And a rather bad one, too."

**The whole school burst into applause as the hat finished its song. It bowed to each of the four tables and then became quite still again. **

"**So we've just got to try on the hat!" Ron whispered to Harry. **"**I'll kill Fred, he was going on about wrestling a troll."**

**Harry smiled weakly. Yes, trying on the hat was a lot better than having to do a spell, but he did wish they could have tried it on without everyone watching. The hat seemed to be asking a lot; Harry didn't feel brave or quick-witted or any of it at the moment. If only the hat had mentioned a house for people who felt a bit queasy, that would have been the one for him. **

"But everyone would be put into that house!"

"Yeah, Harry. What's the fun in that?"

**Professor McGonagall now stepped forward holding a long roll of parchment. **

"**When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted," she said. **"**Abbott, Hannah!"**

**A pink-faced girl with pigtails stumbled out of line, put on the hat, which fell right down over her eyes, and sat down. A moment's pause –**

"**HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the hat. **

**The table on the right cheered and clapped as Hannah went to sit down at the Hufflepuff table. Harry saw the ghost of the Fat Friar waving merrily at her. **

"**Bones, Susan!"**

"**HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the hat again, and Susan scuttled off to sit next to Hannah. **

"**Boot, Terry!" **

"**RAVENCLAW!"**

**The second table from the left clapped this time; several Ravenclaws stood up to shake hands with Terry as he joined them. **

"**Brocklehurst, Mandy" went to Ravenclaw too, but "Brown, Lavender" became the first new Gryffindor and the table on the far left exploded with cheers; Harry could see Ron's twin brothers catcalling. **

"**Bulstrode, Millicent" then became a Slytherin. Perhaps it was Harry's imagination, after all he'd heard about Slytherin, but he thought they looked an unpleasant lot. **

"It's a Slytherin requirement to be ugly, evil, and to have stupid names."

"Like Sirius?"

"No, like Millicent."

**He was starting to feel definitely sick now. He remembered being picked for teams during sports lessons at his old school. He had always been last to be chosen, not because he was no good, but because no one wanted Dudley to think they liked him. **

"**Finch-Fletchley, Justin!"**

"**HUFFLEPUFF!"**

**Sometimes, Harry noticed, the hat shouted out the house at once, but at others it took a little while to decide. **

"Personally, I think the hat is thinking too much."

"**Finnegan, Seamus," the sandy-haired boy next to Harry in the line, sat on the stool for almost a whole minute before the hat declared him a Gryffindor. **

"**Granger, Hermione!"**

"Ravenclaw."

**Hermione almost ran to the stool and jammed the hat eagerly on her head. **

"**GRYFFINDOR!" shouted the hat. Ron groaned. **

"What?"

"The hat said Gryffindor."

"Why?"

"Maybe because she's actually braver than smarter?"

"Maybe because she actually has friends."

"Maybe because she's Moony's girlfriend, and there is no way a love like theirs can ever be sepperated."

"That was just disturbing."

"Yeah, I feel kind of sick myself. Maybe if I just lay down and stop thinking."

"You think?"

**A horrible thought struck Harry, as horrible thoughts always do when you're nervous. What if he wasn't chosen at all? What if he just sat there with the hat over his eyes for ages, until Professor McGonagall jerked it off his head and said there had obviously been a mistake and he'd better get back on the train?**

**When Neville Longbottom, the boy who kept losing his toad, was called, he fell over on his way to the stool. The hat took a long time to decide with Neville. When it finally shouted "GRYFFINDOR", Neville ran off still wearing it, and had to jog back amid gales of laughter to give it to "MacDougal, Morag."**

**Malfoy swaggered forward when his name was called and got his wish at once: the hat had barely touched his head when it screamed "SLYTHERIN!"**

**Malfoy went to join his friends Crabbe and Goyle, looking pleased with himself. **

**There weren't many people left now. **

"**Moon"…, **"**Nott"…, **"**Parkinson"…, then a pair of twin girls, "Patil" and "Patil"…, **

**then "Perks, Sally-Anne"…, and then, at last – **

"**Potter, Harry!"**

**As Harry stepped forward, whispers suddenly broke out like little hissing fires all over the hall. **

"_**Potter**_**, did she say?"**

"_**The **_**Harry Potter?"**

"No, the other one."

**The last thing Harry saw before the hat dropped over his eyes was the hall full of people craning to get a good look at him. Next second he was looking at the black inside of the hat. **

**He waited. **

"**Hmm," said a small voice in his ear. "Difficult. Very difficult. Plenty of courage, I see. **

"Gryffindor material right there." James said."

**Not a bad mind, either. **

"Nope, he's going to be a friendless Ravenclaw." Peter smirked.

**There's talent, oh my goodness, yes – and a nice thirst to prove yourself, **

"Total puffy-ness right there." Sirius said.

"Or Slytherin." Remus interrupted. "It's kind of generalizized."

**now that's interesting…**

"I know, isn't it?"

**So where shall I put you?"**

**Harry gripped the edges of the stool and thought, '**_**Not Slytherin, not Slytherin.'**_

"**Not Slytherin, eh?" said the small voice. "Are you sure? You could be great, **

"What? How can the hat do this to me!" James yelled, frustrated.

"Well, you know, Prongslette can speak Parseltongue."

"So what. He'll be a well-rounded Gryfindor, can't the hat see that?"

Sirius smiled. "Rhymes."

**you know, it's all here in your head, and Slytherin will help you on the way to greatness, no doubt about that – no? **

"Hell no."

**Well, if you're sure – better be GRYFFINDOR!"**

**Harry heard the hat shout the last word to the whole hall. He took off the hat and walked shakily towards the Gryffindor table. She was so relieved to have been chosen and not put in Slytherin, he hardly noticed that he was getting the loudest cheer yet. Percy the Prefect got up and shook his hand vigorously, while the Weasley twins yelled, "We got Potter! We got Potter!" Harry sat down opposite the ghost in the ruff he'd seen earlier. The ghost patted his arm, giving Harry the sudden, horrible feeling he'd just plunged it into a bucket of ice-cold water. **

**He could see the High Table properly now. At the end nearest to him sat Hagrid, who caught his eye and gave him the thumbs up. Harry grinned back. And there, in the centre of the High Table, in a large gold chair, sat Albus Dumbledore. Harry recognised him at once from the card he'd got out of the Chocolate Frog on the train. Dumbledore's silver hair was the only thing in the whole hall that shone as brightly as the ghosts. Harry spotted Professor Quirrell too, the young man from the Leaky Cauldron. He was looking very peculiar in a large purple turban. **

**And now there were only three people left to be sorted. "Turpin, Lisa," became a Ravenclaw and then it was Ron's turn. He was pale green by now. Harry crossed his fingers under the table and a second later the hat had shouted "GRYFFINDOR!"**

**Harry clapped loudly with the rest as Ron collapsed into the chair next to him. **

"**Well done, Ron, excellent," said Percy Weasley pompously across Harry as "Zabini, Blaise," was made a Slytherin. **

**Professor McGonagall rolled up her scroll and took the Sorting Hat away. **

**Harry looked down at his empty golden plate. He had only just realised how hungry he was. The pumpkin pasties seemed ages ago. **

**Albus Dumbledore had got to his feet. He was beaming at the students, arms opened wide, as if nothing could have pleased him more than to see them all there. **

"**Welcome!" he said. "Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!**

"**Thank you!"**

"Your welcome."

**He sat back down. Everybody clapped and cheered. Harry didn't know whether to laugh or not. **

"**Is he – a bit mad?" he asked Percy uncertainly. **

"**Mad?" said Percy airily. "He's a genius! Best wizard in the world! But he is a bit mad, yes. Potatoes, Harry?"**

**Harry's mouth fell open. The dishes in front of him were now filled with food. He had never seen so many things he liked to eat on one table: roast beef, roast chicken, pork chops and lamb chops, sausages, bacon and steak, boiled potatoes, roast potatoes, chips, Yorkshire pudding, peas, carrots, gravy, ketchup and, for some strange reason, mint humbugs. **

"Oh, I just love mint humbugs."

"Yes, Wormtail, we know."

**The Dursleys had never exactly starved Harry, but he'd never been allowed to eat as much as he liked. Dudley had always taken anything Harry really wanted, even if it made him sick. Harry piled his plate with a bit of everything except the humbugs and began to eat. It was all delicious. **

"**That does look good," said the ghost in the ruff sadly, watching Harry cut up his steak. **

"Don't start, Nick."

"**Can't you –?"**

"**I haven't eaten for nearly four hundred years,"**

"I think he's starting."

"He always does."

"I think someone needs a hobby."

"I think he's lucky that he's dead already because sometimes he sounds suicidal depressing."

"And it's always during happy feasts, too."

"Though how coming back to school is an event to celebrate jus boggles my mind."

"Not a hard feat to accomplish, though."

"Never said it was."

**said the ghost. "I don't need to, but one does miss it. I don't think I've introduced myself? Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington**

"Or Sir Nick de Mipsy-Porcupine."

"Or Sir Nick de Miss-Pumpkin."

Or Sir Nick de Mini-Popinjay."

"Or Nearly Headless Nick."

**at your service. Resident ghost of Gryffindor Tower."**

"**I know who you are!" said Ron suddenly. "My brothers told me about you – you're Nearly Headless Nick!"**

"**I would **_**prefer **_**you to call me Sir Nicholas de Mimsy –" the ghost began stiffly, but sandy-haired Seamus Finnegan interrupted. **

"_**Nearly **_**Headless? How can you be **_**nearly **_**headless?"**

**Sir Nicholas looked extremely miffed, as their little chat wasn't going at all the way he wanted. **

"**Like **_**this**_**," he said irritably. He seized his left ear and pulled. His whole head swung off his neck and fell on to his shoulder as if it was on a hinge. Someone had obviously tried to behead him, but had not done it properly. Looking pleased at the stunned looks on their faces, **

"Sadist ghost. Just because you can't eat doesn't mean that you can put everyone else off their dinner."

**Nearly Headless Nick flipped his head back on to his neck, coughed and said, "So – new Gryffindors! I hope you're going to help us win the house championship this year? **

**Gryffindor have never gone so long without winning. Slytherin have got the cup six years in a row. The Bloody Baron's becoming almost unbearable – he's the Slytherin ghost."**

**Harry looked over at the Slytherin table and saw a horrible ghost sitting there, with blank staring eyes, a gaunt face and silver robes stained with blood. He was right next to Malfoy who, Harry was pleased to see, didn't look too pleased with the seating arrangements. **

"**How did he get covered in blood?" asked Seamus with great interest. **

"**I've never asked," said Nearly Headless Nick delicately. **

"And you call yourself a Gryffindor."

"Shame on you, Nick."

"Yeah, eternal shame."

"And some of that finger pointing, too."

**When everyone had eaten as much as they could, the remains of the food faded from the plates leaving them as clean as before. A moment later the puddings appeared. **

**Blocks of ice cream in every flavour you could think of, apple pies, treacle tarts, chocolate éclairs and jam doughnuts, trifle, strawberries, jelly, rice pudding…**

**As Harry helped himself to a treacle tart, the talk turned to their families. **

"Oh, fun topic."

"**I'm half and half," said Seamus. "Me dad's a Muggle. Mam didn't tell him she was a witch until after they were married. Bit of a nasty shock for him."**

**The others laughed. **

"Oh, yeah. That was so funny I forgot to laugh."

"Thank goodness there are those twins; otherwise there'll be no hope for the comedy at Hogwarts."

"**What about you, Neville?" said Ron. **

"**Well, my gran brought me up and she's a witch," said Neville, "but the family thought I was all Muggle for ages. My Great Uncle Algie kept trying to catch me off my guard and force some magic out of me – he pushed me off the end of Blackpool pier once, I nearly drowned – but nothing happened until I was eight. Great Uncle Algie came around for tea and he was hanging me out of an upstairs window by the ankles when my Great Auntie Enid offered him a meringue and he accidentally let go. But I bounced – all the way down the garden and into the road. They were all really pleased, Gran was crying, she was so happy. And you should have seen their faces when I got in here – they thought I might not be magic enough to come, you see. Great Uncle Algie was so pleased he bought me my toad."**

**On Harry's other side, Percy Weasley and Hermione were talking about lessons **

"Moony! He's stealing your girlfriend."

**("I **_**do **_**hope they start straight away, there's so much to learn, I'm particularly interested in Transfiguration, you know, turning something into something else, of course, it's supposed to be very difficult –"; "You'll be starting small, just matches into needles and that sort of thing –").**

"Please, the two of you, just transfer to Ravenclaw and save us the agony of listening to you talk."

**Harry, who was starting to feel warm and sleepy, looked up at the High Table again. Hagrid was drinking deeply from his goblet. Professor McGonagall was talking to Professor Dumbledore. Professor Quirrell, in his absurd turban, was talking to a teacher with greasy black hair, a hooked nose and sallow skin. It happened very suddenly. The hook-nosed teacher looked past Quirrell's turban straight into Harry's eyes – and a sharp, hot pain shot across the scar on Harry's forehead. **

"**Ouch!" Harry clapped a hand to his head. **

"**What is it?" asked Percy. **

"**N-nothing."**

"Didn't sound like n-nothing."

"Oh, come on, Prongs, lighten up. Harry can deal with, what does it say. Sirius grabbed the book. 'Sharp, hot pain.' He's a Gryffindor."

"But that teacher, the ugly one…"

"Which one? Quirrel isn't so much of a looker himself."

"No one's talking to you, Moony. Anyway, when he looked at harry, Harry's scar started to hurt."

"which is interesting, isn't that where Voldemort, you know…"

James looked worried. "I forgot about that."

"Thanks for getting him all worked up." Peter whispered, then cleared his throat. "Oh, please. Would Voldemort put a 'randomly-hurting scar-curse' on Harry?"

"No."

"That's right. I bet someone threw some gravy on him and he didn't even noticed."

**The pain had gone as quickly as it had come. Harder to shake off was the feeling Harry had got from the teacher's look – a feeling that he didn't like Harry at all.**

"**Who's that teacher talking to Professor Quirrell?" he asked Percy. **

"**Oh, you know Quirrell already, do you? No wonder he's looking so nervous, that's Professor Snape. **

"What!" James yelled, looking madder than when he found out that Harry didn't know Quidditch. "What in Merlin is he doing here!"

"I'm sorry to say this, Prongs," Remus said, looking sincerely shocked. "But I do believe that Snivelous is a professor now."

"No, he cannot be a teacher. What was Dumbledore thinking."

"Something along the lines of, '_hey, let's endanger the lives of all our Hogwarts students by including a professor that is the second best example of evil incarnate. It'll build character_.'"

"Yeah, employing Voldemort might have been rejected from the school board."

"How is he a character building person?"

"I don't know, maybe the fact that, since we hate him so much, our pranks have gone from mediocre to a more professional type of good."

Remus stared at Peter. " '_a more professional type of good?_' Seriously?"

"Moony's right." Sirius nodded. "We're more than good, we're great!"

**He teaches Potions, but he doesn't want to – everyone knows he's after Quirrell's job. Knows an awful lot about the Dark Arts, Snape."**

**Harry watched Snape for a while but Snape didn't look at him again. **

**At last, the puddings too disappeared and Professor Dumbledore got to his feet again. The hall fell silent. **

"**Ahem – just a few words now we are all fed and watered. I have a few start of term notices to give you. **

"**First years should note that the forest in the grounds is forbidden to all pupils. And a few of our older students would do well to remember that as well."**

**Dumbledore's twinkling eyes flashed in the direction of the Weasley twins. **

"They're mauraders in the making, that's for sure."

"Yes, they can be The Marauders: The Next Generation."

"Including Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Fred and George Weasley."

"With Malfoy subbing in for Snape."

"Oh, they can prank Snape too."

"You kind of can get expelled from that."

"So?"

"That's bad."

"Oh yeah."

"**I have also been asked by Mr Filch, the caretaker, to remind you that no magic should be used between classes in the corridors. **

"**Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of term. Anyone interested in playing for their house team should consult Madam Hooch. **

"Harry should try out for Quidditch. It'll be good for him."

"He's only in his first year, Prongs."

"So? Oh, your worried about how good he'll be."

"Actually-"

"Don't worry, Wormtail! Quidditch is in his blood, he'll be spectacular."

"Um, first years aren't allowed to play Quidditch."

"Don't rain on his parade, Wormtail!" Sirius scolded. "He was happy."

"Delusional, but happy." Remus added.

"**And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third floor corridor on the right hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a very painful death."**

"Wow. Nice to know, thanks for the helpful advice."

**Harry laughed, but he was one of the few who did. **

"**He's not serious?" he muttered to Percy. **

"**Must be," said Percy, frowning at Dumbledore. "It's odd, because he usually gives us a reason why we're not allowed to go somewhere – the forest's full of dangerous beasts, everyone knows that. I do think he might have told us prefects, at least."**

"**And now, before we go to bed, let us sing the school song!" cried Dumbledore. Harry noticed that the other teacher's smiles became rather fixed. **

**Dumbledore gave his wand a little flick as if he was trying to get a fly off the end and a long golden ribbon flew out of it, which rose high above the tables and twisted itself snake-like into words. **

"**Everyone pick their favourite tune," said Dumbledore, "and off we go!"**

**And the school bellowed: **

"_**Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,**_

_**Teach us something please,**_

_**Whether we be old and bald**_

_**Or young with scabby knees,**_

_**Our heads could do with filling**_

_**With some interesting stuff,**_

_**For now they're bare and full of air,**_

_**Dead flies and bits of fluff,**_

_**So teach us things worth knowing,**_

_**Bring back what we've forgot,**_

_**Just do your best, we'll do the rest,**_

_**And learn until our brains all rot."**_

**Everybody finished the song at different times. At last, only the Weasley twins were left singing along to a very slow funeral march. Dumbledore conducted their last few lines with his wand and when they had finished, he was one of those who clapped loudest. **

"**Ah, music," he said, wiping his eyes. **"**A magic beyond all we do here! And now, bedtime. Off you trot!"**

**The Gryffindor first years followed Percy through the chattering crowds, out of the Great Hall and up the marble staircase. Harry's legs were like lead again, but only because he was so tired and full of food. He was too sleepy even to be surprised that the people in the portraits along the corridors whispered and pointed as they passed, or that twice Percy led them through doorways hidden behind sliding panels and hanging tapestries. They climbed more staircases, yawning and dragging their feet, **

"And people wonder why first years never know their way around the castle."

**and Harry was just wondering how much further they had to go when they came to a sudden halt.**

**James smiled. "I was wondering where he was." **

**A bundle of walking sticks was floating in mid-air in front of them and as Percy took a step towards them they started throwing themselves at him. **

"**Peeves," Percy whispered to the first years. "A Poltergeist."**

"**Whaich is something all little first years know."**

**He raised his voice, "Peeves – show yourself."**

**A loud, rude sound, like air being let out of a balloon, answered. **

"**Do you want me to go to the Bloody Baron?"**

"Does anyone want to deal with the Bloody Baron?"

**There was a pop and a little man with wicked dark eyes and a wide mouth appeared, floating cross-legged in the air, clutching the walking sticks. **

"**Oooooooh!" he said, with an evil cackle. "Ickle Firsties! What fun!"**

_**He swooped suddenly at them. They all ducked. **_

"**Go away, Peeves, or the Baron'll hear about this, I mean it!" barked Percy. **

**Peeves stuck out his tongue and vanished, dropping the walking sticks on Neville's head. They heard him zooming away, rattling coats of armour as he passed. **

"**You want to watch out for Peeves," said Percy, as they set off again. "The Bloody Baron's the only one who can control him, he won't even listen to us prefects. Here we are."**

"Please, students don't even listen to you."

"Thanks for the confident boost, Pads." Remus said dryly.

"Oh, no problem."

**At the very end of the corridor hung a portrait of a very fat woman in a pink silk dress. **

"**Password?" she said. **

"**Caput Draconis," said Percy, and the portrait swung forward to reveal a round hole in the wall. They all scrambled through it – Neville needed a leg up – and found themselves in the Gryffindor common-room, a cosy, round room full of squashy armchairs. **

**Percy directed the girls through one door to their dormitory and the boys through another. At the top of a spiral staircase – they were obviously in one of the towers – they found their beds at last: five four-posters hung with deep-red velvet curtains. Their trunks had already been brought up. Too tried to talk much, they pulled on their pajamas and fell into bed. **

"**Great food, isn't it?" Ron muttered to Harry through the hangings. "Get **_**off**_**, Scabbers! He's chewing my sheets."**

**Harry was going to ask Ron if he's had any of the treacle tart, but he fell asleep almost at once. **

**Perhaps Harry had eaten a bit too much, because he had a very strange dream. He was wearing Professor Quirrell's turban, which kept talking to him, telling him he must transfer to Slytherin at once, because it was his destiny. Harry told the turban he didn't want to be in Slytherin; it got heavier and heavier; he tried to pull it off but it tightened painfully – and there was Malfoy, laughing at him as he struggled with it – then Malfoy turned into the hook-nosed teacher, Snape, whose laugh became high and cold – there was a burst of green light and Harry woke, sweating and shaking. **

"Curiouser and curiouser."

"Please, Wormtail, lets not talk like Olivander today."

**He rolled over and fell asleep again, and when he woke next day, he didn't remember the dream at all. **


	10. Potion Master

**I will like to say that the second sentence is surprisingly quite long. Thank you.**

**Also, I had a little fun for fun's sake and tried to write in Peter's POV. It sounds smarter than what he usually sounds like. Oh well.**

**PS. Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did, I would not be bothering with 'fun' summer classes. (Though I did learn that math can bring the mental in fundamental. Oh the things you learn during the time your brain is supposed to rot.)**

**Also will like to say, I borrowed one little line from potter puppet pals, and should probably mention that I don't own that either.**

**CHAPTER EIGHT **

**THE POTIONS MASTER**

Peter glanced nervously at the huddled figures of Sirius and James. After the 'excitement' of Harry being sorted into Gryffindor, (and what a shocker that was), Remus had walked out to get a piece of fresh air, which everyone knew was code for: "please dear God give me a few minutes of peace from these hyper-active idiots I foolishly call friends." Or maybe it was more of a "Mental note to self: never give these freaks sugar in any form." Peter couldn't tell; they were all one in the same. When Remus left, Sirius had scooted over to James, a weird glint in his eye that usually preceded an unusual and rather irritating trick.

"So, have you read anything yet?" Remus said, walking.

"No, Moony-pie, we were waiting for you."

"Fido, do you have a problem with name calling?"

"Um….yup."

"So who's reading?" James asked innocently. Too innocently.

"Oh, Prongs, we're bestest best friends, why don't we read it together!" Sirius squeaked, smiling insanely. Peter shook his head. Remus forgot the most important rule of the Marauders: never trust James or Sirius, especially when they are working together.

"**There, look." **James said in a high, girly voice.

"**Next to tall kid with the red hair."** Sirius said, overly eager and sickening sweet.

"**Wearing the glasses?" **James asked, this time with a horrible Scottish accent.

"**Did you see his face?"** Sirius whispered dramatically.

"**Did you see his scar?" **James whispered back, trying to choke down the laughter.

"Are you two actually trying to act younger than your inner child?" Remus asked, amused. "Because you're doing a pretty fine impression of a sugar high two year old."

"But Moony, we are hyper two year olds!"

"Well that's great. I'll just tell Lilly that you are too young for her, she being fourteen years older than you. I'm sure you'll agree, it's for the best."

"I'm not the one who is married to someone not even born yet!"

"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not married to that first year, I'll never _be_ married to that first year, and I, being the good marauder that I am, will personally hex her in some way in order to prove that I dislike her in every single matter. Except that she's a Gryffindor, that's a point in her favor."

"Oh, please. You won't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Because." Sirius said, tilting his head. Peter watched in fascination. What was he going to say?

"Because you're in _love_."

Oh. He was going to say that.

"I am more in love with you than your cousin Bella is in love with a Muggle. Now why don't you continue reading?"

**Whispers followed Harry from the moment he left his dormitory the next day. **

James and Sirius said, each switching turns at each word. Remus sighed while Peter shook his head. Sometimes those two were a bit too much to handle.

"James, I might be able to put in a good word for Lilly if you would just read the stupid book properly."

"Touchy."

**People queuing outside classrooms stood on tiptoe to get a look at him, or doubled back to pass him in the corridors again, staring.**

"You know, they're kind of rude."

"Really? Never noticed. Darn them, always butchering etiquette."

**Harry wished they wouldn't, because he was trying to concentrate on finding his way to classes. **

**There were a hundred and forty-two staircases at Hogwarts: wide, sweeping ones; narrow, rickety ones; some that led somewhere different on a Friday; some with a vanishing step half way up that you had to remember to jump. **

"And some with the perfect location for dropping paint on unsuspecting Slytherins."

**Then there were doors that wouldn't open unless you asked politely, or tickled them in exactly the right place, and doors that weren't really doors at all, but solid walls just pretending. It was also hard to remember where anything was, because it all seemed to move around a lot. The people in the portraits kept going to visit each other and Harry was sure the suits of armor could walk. **

"Nah, that's just Peeves pulling naive first years legs."

**The ghosts didn't help, either. It was always a nasty shock when one of them glided suddenly through a door you were trying to open.**

"It's even worse when they come out of the wall screaming bloody murder."

"Since when did this happen?"

"Never. It'll just be even worse."

**Nearly Headless Nick was always happy to point new Gryffindors in the right direction, but Peeves the Poltergeist was worth two locked doors and a trick staircase if you met him when you were late for class.**

"Or anytime, really."

**He would drop waste-paper baskets on your head, pull rugs from under your feet, pelt you with bits of chalk or sneak up behind you, invisible, grab your nose and screech, "GOT YOUR CONK!"**

"Wow. Kind of mellowed a bit, hasn't he."

"It's his old age, let him be."

**Even worse than Peeves, if that was possible, was the caretaker, Argus Filch.**

**Harry and Ron managed to get on the wrong side of him on their very first morning. Filch found them trying to force their way through a door which unluckily turned out to be the entrance to the out-of-bounds corridor on the third floor.**

"They are a special kind of brilliant, aren't they?"

"If by brilliant you mean completely stupid and clueless, then yes."

**He wouldn't believe they were lost, was sure they were trying to break into it on purpose and was threatening to lock them in the dungeons when they were rescued by Professor Quirrell, who was passing. **

"Thank you, Turban-Wonder, for saving these civilians from the evil clutches of Count Von Filch."

"Pads," Peter asked cautiously. This was going to need a heavy dose of tact. "Have you ever wondered if you were insane?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

Guess he was being too tactful. It was a waste of time, anyway; Hogwarts never had a 'how to tell your friend that he may need to visit the loony bin 101.'

"Nevermind."

**Filch owned a cat called Mrs Norris, a scrawny, dust-coloured creature with bulging, lamplike eyes just like Filch's. **

"What a beauty."

**She patrolled the corridors alone. Break a rule in front of her, put just one toe out of line, and she'd whisk off for Filch, who'd appear, wheezing, two seconds later. Filch knew the secret passageways of the school better than anyone (except perhaps the Weasley twins)**

_And us_**. **Peter thought. _Well, James and Sirius and Remus. And the map. I would just get lost._

**and could pop up as suddenly as any of the ghosts. The students all hated him and it was the dearest ambition of many to give Mrs. Norris a good kick. **

"Now that is a noble ambition. Good and solid, that ambition is. Why, someone with that kind of ambition can really go places. If I had that kind of ambition-"

"Prongs, your irritating-ness is irritating me."

"Yes, your royal wolf-iness."

"Pst, Prongs. Just to let you know, your name calling needs work. Like, a lot."

"Thanks, Fido."

"No, Prongs, you can't use my names. Make up your own. Use your imagination."

**And then, once you had managed to find them, there were the lessons themselves. There was a lot more to magic, as Harry quickly found out, than waving your wand and saying a few funny words. **

"Unfortunately."

**They had to study the night skies through their telescopes every Wednesday at midnight and learn the names of different stars and the movements of the planets. **

**Three times a week they went out to the greenhouses behind the castle to study Herbology, with a dumpy little witch called Professor Sprout, where they learnt to take care of all the strange plants and fungi and found out what they were used for. **

**Easily the most boring lesson was History of Magic, which was the only class taught by a ghost. Professor Binns**

"He hasn't left yet!"

"Prongs, where can he go?"

"I don't know, retirement."

"He _does_ deserve one."

**had been very old indeed when he had fallen asleep in front of the staffroom fire and got up the next morning to teach, leaving his body behind him. **

"You'd think he'd noticed."

**Binns droned on and on while they scribbled down names and dates and got Emeric the Evil and Uric the Oddball mixed up. **

**Professor Flitwick, the Charms teacher, was a tiny little wizard who had to stand on a pile of books to see over his desk. At the start of their first lesson he took the register, and when he reached Harry's name he gave an excited squeak and toppled out of sight. **

**Professor McGonagall was again different. Harry had been quite right to think she wasn't a teacher to cross. Strict and clever, she gave them a talking to the moment they had sat down in her first class. **

"**Transfiguration is some of the most complex and dangerous magic you will learn at Hogwarts," she said. **"**Anyone messing around in my class will leave and not come back. You have been warned."**

**Then she changed her desk into a pig and back again. They were all very impressed and couldn't wait to get started, but soon realized they weren't going to be changing furniture into animals for a long time.**

"And when you start, you soon realize that you want to work with the basics. Those are five hundred times more fun than playing with animals."

**After making a lot of complicated notes, they were each given a match and started trying to turn it into a needle. By the end of the lesson, only Hermione Granger had made any difference to her match; Professor McGonagall showed the class how it had gone all silver and pointy**

"Hey, it's that girl again!" Sirius said, smiling. Remus growled, causing everyone else in the room to become slightly edgy.

"I mean, um…oh, joy. A silver match. How touching."

**and gave Hermione a rare smile. **

"She can smile?"

"Since when?

"Is it a sign of the apocalypse?"

"Or that the world is coming to an end?"

"Which is the same thing as an apocalypse only with a lot of unnecessary words."

**The class everyone had really been looking forward to was Defense Against the Dark Arts, but Quirrell's lessons turned out to be a bit of a joke. His classroom smelled strongly of garlic, which everyone said was to ward off a vampire he'd met in Romania **

"Good ol' Stutters?"

"Face a vampire."

"And lived to tell the tale?"

"Never in a million years."

**and was afraid would be coming back to get him one of these days. **

**His turban, he told them, had been given to him by an African prince as a thank you for getting rid of a troublesome zombie, but they weren't sure they believed this story. For one thing, when Seamus Finnegan asked eagerly to hear how Quirrell had fought off the zombie, Quirrell went pink and started talking about the weather; **

"Nope. That's not obvious. Not to little first years. Not to me, with an inner child of a hyper, sugar high two year old. No, we completely missed that."

**for another, they had noticed that a funny smell hung around the turban, and the Weasley twins insisted that it was stuffed full of garlic as well, so that Quirrell was protected wherever he went. **

"And you call yourself a Defense teacher."

**Harry was relieved to find out he wasn't miles behind everyone else. Lots of people had some from Muggle families and, like him, hadn't had any idea that they were witches and wizards. There was so much to learn that even people like Ron didn't have much of a head start. **

**Friday was an important day for Harry and Ron. They finally managed to find their way down to the Great Hall for breakfast without getting lost once. **

"Now _that_ calls for a celebration."

"**What have we got today?" Harry asked Ron as he poured sugar on his porridge. **

"**Double Potions with the Slytherins," said Ron. **

"Oh. Slytherins."

"And potions."

"Doubled."

"Fun times."

"**Snape's Head of Slytherin House. They say he always favors them – we'll be able to see if it's true."**

"It's true." James muttered. "I haven't seen him teach and I just know it's true."

"**Wish McGonagall favored us," said Harry.**

"Don't we all?"

**Professor McGonagall was head of Gryffindor House, but it hadn't stopped her from giving then a huge pile of homework the day before. **

"She really doesn't do 'nice' and 'sweet'." James commented.

"I doubt she even knows what they even mean." Sirius said.

**Just then, the post arrived. Harry had got used to this by now, but it had given him a bit of a shock on the first morning, when about a hundred owls had suddenly streamed into the Great Hall during breakfast, circling the tables until they saw their owners and dropping letters and packages on to their laps. **

**Hedwig hadn't brought Harry anything so far. She sometimes flew in to nibble his ear and have a bit of toast before going off to sleep in the owlery with all the other school owls. This morning, however, she fluttered down between the marmalade and the sugar bowl and dropped a note on Harry's plate. Harry tore it open at once. **

_**Dear Harry, **_**it said, in a very untidy scrawl,**

_**I know you get Friday afternoons off, so would you like to come and have a cup of tea with me around three? I want to hear all about your first week. Send us an answer back with Hedwig.**_

_**Hagrid **_

**Harry borrowed Ron's quill, scribbled '**_**Yes, please, see you later'**_** on the back of the note and sent Hedwig off again. **

**It was lucky that Harry had tea with Hagrid to look forward to, because the Potions lesson turned out to be the worst thing that had happened to him so far. **

"Snivilous had better not have done anything, or else he's going to face the worst year in Hogwarts history." James grumbled. "It'll be so huge that they'll have to revise _Hogwarts, a History_."

**At the start of term banquet, Harry had got the idea that Professor Snape disliked him. By the end of the first Potions lesson, he knew he'd been wrong. **

"I don't know what you're so worried about, Prongs." Peter said. "Maybe Snape changed."

**Snape didn't dislike Harry – he **_**hated **_**him. **

James glared at Peter. "You were saying."

"Um, well, you see…I never said it was for the better."

"Good man, Wormtail. Just keep making excuses; it's good for your health."

**Potions lessons took place down in one of the dungeons. It was colder here than up in the main castle and would have been quite creepy enough without the pickled animals floating in glass jars all around the walls. **

"Oh, come on, seriously." Remus said, disgusted. "Can't you display a little bit of taste?"

"No, he can't. You forget who we're talking about."

"But even for him, this is gross."

**Snape, like Flitwick, started the class by taking the register, and like Flitwick, he paused at Harry's name. **

"**Ah, yes," he said softly, "Harry Potter. Our new **_**celebrity**_**."**

**Draco Malfoy and his friends Crabbe and Goyle sniggered behind their hands. Snape finished calling the names and looked up at the class. His eyes were black like Hagrid's, but they had none of Hagrid's warmth. They were cold and empty and **

**made you think of dark tunnels. **

"**You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion-making," he began. He spoke in barely more than a whisper, but they caught every word – like Professor McGonagall, Snape had the gift of keeping a class silent without effort. **"**As there is little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes,**

"Meh, stop talking, start teaching." Sirius muttered, leaning his head against Peter."

**the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses…I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death **

"Can you teach James how to score with hot babes?"

"Please, Padfoot, if he could do that, he would have done so already."

– **if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach."**

"Padfoot," Peter began. "It would be nice if you'd stop drooling on me."

"Sorry," Sirius said, rubbing his eyes. "I can't believe how potions is based off of pure boredom."

**More silence followed this little speech. Harry and Ron exchanged looks with raised eyebrows. Hermione Granger was on the edge of her seat and looked desperate to start proving that she wasn't a dunderhead. **

"**Potter!" said Snape suddenly. **

"Yeah?" James asked suddenly.

"Shut up, we're not talking to you."

"**What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"**

"Hey, no quizzes before you teach!"

_**Powdered root of what to an infusion of what? **_**Harry glanced at Ron, who looked at stumped as he was; Hermione's hand had shot into the air. **

"**I don't know, sir," said Harry. **

**Snape's lips curled into a sneer. **

"**Tut, tut – fame clearly isn't everything."**

"Apparently you don't put to much stock in good hygiene, either."

**He ignored Hermione's hand. **

"**Let's try again. Potter, where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?**

**Hermione stretched her hand as high into the air as it would go without her leaving her seat, **

"How does she know something that we didn't even learn about until our sixth year?"

"Don't be jealous of your girlfriend, Moony."

**but Harry didn't have the faintest idea what a bezoar was. He tried not to look at Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle, who were shaking with laughter. **

"Oh, shut up you lot. You don't even know what he's talking about."

"Neither do I, actually."

"Wormtail, we already knew that. No need to flaunt it."

"**I don't know, sir."**

"**Thought you wouldn't open a book before coming, eh, Potter?"**

**Harry forced himself to keep looking straight into those cold eyes. He **_**had **_**looked through his books at the Dursleys', but did Snape expect him to remember everything in **_**One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi.**_

**Snape was still ignoring Hermione's quivering hand. **

"**What is the difference, Potter, between monkshood and wolfsbane?"**

"There is none."

"Shut up, Moony, no one asked you."

**At this, Hermione stood up, her hand stretching towards the dungeon ceiling. **

"**I don't know," said Harry quietly. "I think Hermione does, though, why don't you try her?"**

"Ha-ha, brilliant." James said, high-filing Sirius. Remus looked worried.

"You think Snape's going to take that lying down?

"He's standing up, Moony. It'll be quite awkward if he was teaching lying down."

"It's an expression; it means that Snape'll probably do something nasty. It's not like him to just take a bit of cheek from a first year."

"Ah, come on, Moony. He was asking for it."

"Never said he wasn't. I'm just saying he might overreact a tad."

**A few people laughed; Harry caught Seamus's eye and Seamus winked. Snape, however, was not pleased. **

"**Sit down," he snapped at Hermione. **"**For your information, Potter, asphodel and wormwood make a sleeping potion so powerful it is known as the Draught of Living Death. A bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons. As for monkshood and wolfsbane, they are the same plant, which also goes by the name of aconite. Well? Why aren't you copying that down?"**

"Because they are in awe of your total creepiness."

**There was a sudden rummaging for quills and parchment. Over the noise, Snape said, "And a point will be taken from Gryffindor House for your cheek, Potter."**

"I don't want to say I told you so, Prongs…"

"Well don't. Besides, you call that 'overreacting'? I've seen better overreactions in my day."

"Makes you sound old."

"I think around this time I am old."

**Things didn't improve for the Gryffindors as the Potions lesson continued. Snape put them all into pairs and set them to mixing up a simple potion to cure boils. He swept around in his long black cloak, watching them weigh dried nettles and crush snake fangs, criticizing almost everyone except Malfoy, whom he seemed to like. He was just telling everyone to look at the perfect way Malfoy had stewed his horned slugs **

"There's a perfect way to stew horned slugs?"

"Yup."

"Since when?"

"Since Prongslett's first year, apparently."

**when clouds of acid green smoke and a loud hissing filled the dungeon. Neville had somehow managed to melt Seamus's cauldron into a twisted blob and their potion was seeping across the stone floor, burning holes in people's shoes. Within seconds, the whole class was standing on their stools while Neville, who had been drenched in the potion when the cauldron collapsed, moaned in pain as angry red boils sprang up all over his arms and legs. **

"**Idiot boy!" snarled Snape, clearing the spilled potion away with one wave of his wand. "I suppose you added the porcupine quills before taking the cauldron off the fire?"**

"Well, that gives me an idea." Sirius said, getting up."

"Hey, where you going?" Remus asked.

"Finding some parchment. I have an idea."

"And, what? You're going to make it official."

"Official that what?"

"That you think."

"Shut up, no one likes you."

"Oh, no. Padfoot says no one likes me. Whatever will I do?"

**Neville whimpered as boils started to pop up all over his nose. **

"**Take him to the hospital wing," Snape spat at Seamus. Then he rounded on Harry and Ron, who had been working next to Neville. **

"**You – Potter – why didn't you tell him not to add the quills? Thought he'd make you look good if he got it wrong, did you? That's another point you've lost for Gryffindor."**

**This was so unfair that Harry opened his mouth to argue, but Ron kicked him behind their cauldron. **

"**Don't push it," he muttered. "I've heard Snape can turn very nasty."**

**As they climbed the steps out of the dungeon an hour later, Harry's mind was racing and his spirits were low. He'd lost two points for Gryffindor in his very first week **_**why **_**did Snape hate him so much?**

"He's a terrible, sadistic git who has no purpose in life besides making everyone else miserable, don't take it personally."

"**Cheer up," said Ron, "Snape's always taking points off Fred and George. Can I come and meet Hagrid with you?"**

**At five to three they left the castle and made their way across the grounds. Hagrid lived in a small wooden house on the edge of the forbidden forest. A crossbow and a pair of galoshes were outside the front door. **

"Hasn't changed a bit."

**When Harry knocked they heard a frantic scrabbling from inside and several booming barks. Then Hagrid's voice rang out saying, "**_**Back**_**, Fang – **_**back**_**."**

**Hagrid's big hairy face appeared in the crack as he pulled the door open. **

"**Hang on," he said. "**_**Back**_**, Fang."**

**He let them in, struggling to keep a hold on the collar of an enormous black boarhound. **

"Not another pet." James groaned. "Doesn't he have enough?"

"I don't know what you're complaining about, this one seems normal enough."

**There was only one room inside. Hams and pheasants were hanging from the ceiling, a copper kettle was boiling on the open fire and in the corner stood a massive bed with a patchwork quilt over it. **

"**Make yerselves at home," said Hagrid, letting go of Fang, who bounded straight at Ron and started licking his ears. Like Hagrid, Fang was clearly not as fierce as he looked. **

"**This is Ron," Harry told Hagrid, who was pouring boiling water into a large teapot and putting rock cakes on to a plate. **

"**Another Weasley, eh?" said Hagrid, glancing at Ron's freckles. **

"Why freckles?"

"Because it rhymes with speckles."

"Oh, alright."

"**I spent half me life chasin' yer twin brothers away from the forest."**

**The rock cakes almost broke their teeth, but Harry and Ron pretended to be enjoying them as they told Hagrid all about their first lessons. Fang rested his head on Harry's knee and drooled all over his robes. **

**Harry and Ron were delighted to hear Hagrid call Filch 'that old git'.**

"**An' as fer that cat, Mrs Norris, I'd like ter introduce her to Fang some time. D'yeh know, every time I go up ter the school, she follows me everywhere? Can't get rid of her – Filch puts her up to it."**

**Harry told Hagrid about Snape's lesson. Hagrid, like Ron, told Harry not to worry about it, that Snape liked hardly any of the students.**

"**But he seemed to really **_**hate **_**me."**

"**Rubbish!" said Hagrid. "Why should he?"**

**Yet Harry couldn't help thinking that Hagrid didn't quite meet his eyes when he said that. **

"You know what I think?" Remus said, looking up.

"Not usually." Peter muttered. Remus ignored him.

"I think you jinxed him, Prongs."

"What?"

"I think that the whole reason why Snape hates Harry is all your fault."

"_What?"_

"Yeah, think about it. Would Snape be a royal pain if he was talking to some normal kid?"

"Well, Harry's not normal."

"How long did it take you to realize that?" Sirius said, finally walking back into the room, scribbling at a scrap piece of parchment as he did.

"Harry's famous, and Snape just can't handle someone being better than him."

"Oh, yes, that makes perfect sense now! Snape is jealous because Harry took away his Mr. Popular title. I see what you're saying."

"**How's yer brother Charlie?" Hagrid asked Ron. "I liked him a lot – great with animals."**

**Harry wondered if Hagrid had changed the subject on purpose. **

**While Ron told Hagrid all about Charlie's work with dragons, Harry picked up a piece of paper that was lying on the table under the tea cosy. It was a cutting from the **_**Daily Prophet**_

**GRINGOTTS BREAK-IN LATEST**

_**Investigations continue into the break-in at Gringotts on 31 July, widely believed to be the work of Dark wizards or witches unknown. Gringotts' goblins today insisted that nothing had been taken. The vault that was searched had in fact been emptied the same day. **_

"_**But we're not telling you what was in there, so keep your noses out if you know what's good for you," said a Gringotts' spokesgoblin this afternoon.**_

**Harry remembered Ron telling him on the train that someone had tried to rob Gringotts, but Ron hadn't mentioned the date. **

"**Hagrid!" said Harry, "that Gringotts break-in happened on my birthday! **

"The plot thickens!" Remus muttered.

"Indeed. Harry's birthday is on the thirty-first of July."

"Shut up, Padfoot. That doesn't matter!"

"Then why did you say that the plot thickened. Unless you're being literal."

"Don't start over thinking, Pads. It's not good for your health." James advised.

"Will you two stop and listen. Why was Gringotts robbed on Harry's birthday?"

"Because someone felt like being a nutter on his birthday?"

"That's a terrible reason."

"Well, do you have anything better?"

"No."

"Well, than my idea is the best."

**It might've been happening while we were there!"**

**There was no doubt about it, Hagrid definitely didn't meet Harry's eyes this time. **

**He grunted and offered him another rock cake. Harry read the story again. **_**The vault that was searched had in fact been emptied that same day. **_**Hagrid had emptied vault seven hundred and thirteen, if you could call it emptying, taking out that grubby little package. Had that been what the thieves were looking for?**

"Maybe he saw the thieves!" Sirius shouted.

"Yes, that must be it! Why else would Rowling write this?"

"Because that's what truly happened and it's just a coincidence?"

"No, Wormtail, that can't be right."

**As Harry and Ron walked back to the castle for dinner, their pockets weighed down with rock cakes they'd been too polite to refuse, Harry thought that none of the lessons he'd had so far had given him as much to think about as tea with Hagrid. Had Hagrid collected that package just in time? Where was it now? And did Hagrid know something about Snape that he didn't want to tell Harry? **


End file.
